Make your shopping easy with a giftcard…
|
By Kernut, on August 28th, 2010%
This is what they look like. Keep an eye out. No, not like an eye out of your head, just look for them.
Serious studies have been undertaken by scientists on the likelihood of civilization’s survival in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.
I’m not making this up, people. Several scientific (?) groups have undertaken Zombology, the study of zombies, postulating the outcome of a zombie attack, and general zombie-preparedness. Finally, your tax dollars at work for something useful. Be proud your government cares so much for your survival they conducted zombie-attack scenarios on your behalf.
The studies agree zombies will be smarter, just like in the movies. Fifty years ago zombies were slow and not too bright, but now they’re quick, and resourceful tool users. Unfortunately, the studies don’t all agree on our survival: Some say civilization as we know it will survive, while others say we will all become zombies or die. This is not helpful.
A very conscientious friend sent me this Zombie Bite Calculator. He’s obviously concerned about the impending Zombie Apocalypse.
After a few quick questions, it calculated the length of time I’ll live after incurring a zombie bite before becoming infected. I’ll have an estimated 65 minutes. This is very useful information.
Now all I need is a “I’ve got 65 minutes to live” plan.
So I began to search Zombie Attack Survival Plans, of course. I found this quiz: Would You Survive A Zombie Attack?
My test results:
Would you survive a zombie . . . → Read More: Zombie Attack Plan – Got One?
By Kernut, on August 16th, 2010%
 Questions and Answers. The answers may or may not be accurate.
Before I start, let me just tell you all this is the only question I’ve received in months. Months. Ummm, is anyone still out there?
Anonymous Question: Do you still enjoy ALL the actions of sex?
Answer: Ok, so I have to wonder why you said ‘still’. Do I somehow seem old? Past my prime? My picture may be a bit airbrushed, but it is not old. ‘Still’ implies I am past a certain age of enjoying the pleasures in life, and there has been, or will be, a decline in my level of enjoyment. Let me assure you there has been no decline, nor do I see one in the future. I’m just as randy as ever.
In answer to the second part where you emphasize the word ‘ALL’… that’s a pretty big category there. ‘ALL’ could include actions like hardcore S&M (cutting, biting, knife play), orgies, or a whole host of other things. I don’t enjoy those mentioned above, so I guess the answer is no, I do not enjoy ‘ALL’ the actions of sex. While I’m not ‘vanilla’, I’m not all spice, either.
Thank you for the question! I blog live for your questions and comments. Feel free to ask me more questions. Anytime. Really. PLEASE? (The form is just to the left of this post. Sending me tickets to Hawaii is not a requirement. But it’s a nice . . . → Read More: Q & A Sexionnaire
By Kernut, on July 8th, 2010%
 Guy Kawasaki and crazed fan. Recently, Guy Kawasaki came to my work and gave a talk on marketing and entrepreneurship.
It was awesome! He’s very funny, smart, self-deprecating, and very approachable. Apparently, the latter is against the opinion of his detractors.
I have to disagree with them. I found Guy to be very approachable – he let me attempt to get this photo THREE times. (and it’s still fuzzy WTF? I can’t even blame my crap photo skills on this one.)
He let me keep trying to get the picture even after I confessed to being the one who wrote the emails below…
(The following is my funny recounting of the events leading up to, and during, the Guy Kawasaki event. For his serious tips on marketing and entrepreneurship visit my post at Marketing Squirrel… Guy Kawasaki Talks About Marketing and Entrepreneurship.)
Letters to Guy Kawasaki, and Jenny, The Bloggess… Continue reading Emails With Guy Kawasaki and The Bloggess
By Kernut, on July 6th, 2010%
It’s true my dear Kernutties – I Went To Jail 4th of July Weekend.
The pokey, the joint, the big house, the slammer.
The Greybar Hotel.
The Rock (no, not the hot one named Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson).
I was a guest of the state.
Alas, this time I did not commit any crimes (none they know about, anyway).
Fortunately for me (and you) I was allowed to leave. Albeit, after a short tour.
I went on a tour of Alcatraz State Prison for the 4th of July.
-
-
Alcatraz Cruises
-
-
Coit Tower and Cable Car. A beautiful day in San Francisco.
-
-
Alcatraz State Prison
-
-
Guard tower.
-
-
Guard cage. The guards! were locked in for eight hours.
-
-
Al Capone’s cell – number 181.
-
-
In jail
-
-
A beautiful view of San Francisco.
You know how I want my blog to be educational for y’all? Well, in the likely unlikely event you find yourself incarcerated, I wanted to share a little prison slang with you… Continue reading On The 4th of July I Went To Jail, The Pokey, The Slammer
By Kernut, on June 30th, 2010%
I know many of my seven readers have children. Intending my blog to always be informational, I want to share some great parenting tips with you all.
What? Just because I’m not a parent to a human doesn’t mean I don’t have great parenting ideas for you.
Seriously, don’t judge.
Need a babysitter in a pinch?
 Duct tape = cheap babysitter. This kid is gonna be a great blogger when she grows up - she's already got a ton of blog fodder and she can't even write yet. .
No duct tape? No worries! Continue reading Duct Tape = Cheap Babysitter, and Other Parenting Tips
By Kernut, on June 15th, 2010%
 Shhh. Be very, very quiet. Some things just aren’t right in the world. A bit like this blog. These things have somehow managed to make it through a worm-hole from an alternate universe. A universe where things are backwards – and ‘backwards’ is acceptable.
But not here on Earth.
Much like BP Exec Tony Hayward ‘wanting his life back’, these things belong on the Planet of This Is Just So Wrong…
First up, I don’t know what the atmosphere is like in the office men’s bathroom, but in the office ladies bathroom it’s. very. quiet. With the rare (rude?) exception, we don’t chat to each other while in different bathroom stalls. We make only the briefest of small talk at the sink. I know you men are all saying “Whaa??, but why then do you gals travel in pairs to the toilet?’. Well gentlemen, the office restroom atmosphere is different than that of the bar or restaurant restroom.
Now that you’re all caught up, on with the thing that is just wrong…
There’s this one gal at my office who feels the need to GRUNT while she’s taking care of bathroom business. You’re not supposed to hear grunting in the ladies room. Ever. This is just an unspoken rule. My mother didn’t tell me this. Yours probably didn’t, either. We just all KNOW girls don’t grunt. She makes no effort to hide it, either. The grunting is very obvious – and quite disconcerting, if you ask me. Fercryingouloud – I have to wonder is she giving birth? Continue reading Some Things Are Just SO WRONG
By Kernut, on May 25th, 2010%
 40 sounds great. Not that I relate. I'm still 27. Always 27. We interrupt the regularly scheduled post to bring you… well, this.
First, let me just say I did not write this. I wish I had, but I didn’t. The following was sent via email by a friend…
If you are 40, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that I’m over the ripe old age of forty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. They’ve got it so easy. I mean, compared to my childhood, they live in a damn Utopia.
And I hate to say it, but kids today don’t know how good they’ve got it!
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. Continue reading 14 Signs You’re Over 40
By Kernut, on May 11th, 2010%
 There's a magazine about this? I’m fascinated by linguistics, especially the colloquialisms specific to a certain region. We all have them, and those little words can give an indication of where you grew up, or lived for many years.
Also when you grew up.
A friend is visiting from Minnesota. He’s never been to California so I’m showing him the sights. The other day I used the word ‘dude’ when relaying some meaningless important story to him.
Yes, maybe I’m a hopelessly outdated Californian, but that’s not the point.
He’s been here three weeks and I’m the first person who’s said ‘dude’ to him. WTF? Continue reading We Say ‘Dude’ In These Here Parts
By Kernut, on April 25th, 2010%
 This one speaks for itself. My Blog is a Guilty Pleasure
Pepperidge Farm Doesn’t Understand Me
UPS Hires Basketball Players
My Gift: Some Assembly, and Transportation, Required
Google Searches Confuse Me, and Others
(Really, I’ve got nothing. And sometimes Google has nothing, too.)
A friend emailed me the other day to tell he how much he enjoys my blog.
 I start getting all warm and fuzzy. No, really, I’m actually not being sarcastic this time. I love hearing how much you guys enjoy my blog. I get a little excited every time someone leaves a comment. Just a little. Like I do about chocolate. Every. day.
Continue reading Random Things I Found Funny This Week
|
|
Send Me Love (or tickets to Hawaii)
Help support Friends of Maddie
|
Graphic Details of Intimate Moments – Sex Blog
Marketing Squirrel – Social Media Marketing
Sex Toys for Adults
Follow Me! (No stalking, tho)