Zombies, RV Life, and Random Craziness
- Willcox, Arizona, resting place of Warren Earp, Rex Allen and Koko the Horse.
- Happy Birthday! Checkers, the RV copilot, turned 18 today.
- Ten Things: Random Observations From the Road
- Put the hooker in the box, and the bird in the closet.
- “The Thing” in Dragoon, Arizona? It’s a dead thing.
- Bugzilla, my new roommate.
- Tombstones in Tombstone, Arizona
- Holy Flying Vampires, Y’all! The bugs are big in Texas.
- From the Ocean-to-Ocean Bridge to the Bridge to Nowhere, and shaking your dates in between.
- Severe Weather Alert: Like a cow pissin on a flat rock.
- The Center of the World, and two blondes in Mexico.
- Don’t make me get my gun out. Again.
- I got down, way down, in Calipatria.
- I was eaten by a giant dinosaur, and then I found millions of Zombie Fish.
- Cement boats, giant artichokes, old jails, and two-story outhouses.
- Ten Things You Must Know Before Buying a Used RV
- Train and Tumbleweed
- Giant Bunnies, Giant Monopoly Boards, and World’s Longest Garlic Braid. Welcome to Northern California.
- 28 Days Later
- Border Patrol = Reno 911
Pimpin my affiliates… Seriously, this blog can not survive on my writing alone.
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By Kernut, on October 3rd, 2011%
I found Mollie’s Nipple on the way to Purgatory. I can only assume Mollie is walking around with one nipple.
 "Mollie's Nipple" in Hurricane, UT. I have no idea where the other one is. I hope Mollie still has it. It’s a butte named “Mollie’s Nipple”. Makes you wonder if Mollie was a popular saloon gal back in the day. Or if she lost one in a bar fight.
Have you ever see a 100 year-old fruitcake? No, no, I’m not talking about an old gay guy. Geez, people. I mean an actual fruitcake. Found via RoadsideAmerica.com at the Hurricane Valley Heritage Museum, it was originally a four-layer wedding cake. Not sure when they ate the two missing layers, but unless they ate them with a hammer and chisel, it wasn’t anytime in the recent past. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Mollie Lost Her Nipple In Purgatory But I Found It
By Kernut, on December 26th, 2010%
Once Upon A Time, I Rescued A Pigeon.
 A pigeon named Spot. And I named him Spot.
When I first met Spot he was walking across a six-lane street during rush hour, headed towards the median. Cars were whizzing by him, but he seemed not to notice the imminent danger.
Or maybe he just didn’t care. (This will make sense later, just consider it Clue #1.)
Most people slowed down to let him pass, but no one stopped. Something was obviously wrong – he wasn’t even trying to fly as he ambled in front of the moving cars. I couldn’t believe no one was stopping to help him.
Well, I’m a sucker for a wounded animal, or a man with issues. It must be the caretaker in me.
I pulled over, and captured the pigeon in a towel. (A pity it isn’t so easy to capture a man.) I put him inside a box I had in my car. The pigeon, not a man. Unfortunately. Don’t stop now! Continue reading A Pigeon Named Spot
By Kernut, on October 1st, 2010%
 The Death of A Fly
Aren’t you glad you come here? Where else could you get such fascinating news as this? Nowhere, trust me.
A recent post about the death of a fly by my hot bloggy friend, A Vapid Blonde, reminded me of the torture we used to inflict as children on flies by making them pilots of small planes.
Criminal profilers say torturing small animals and insects is first act of future serial killers. Just a bit of foreshadowing that probably explains a lot about me now. And probably why I blog.
When we were little, my father taught us how to build small, light-weight paper airplanes. (I’ll skip the details of the airplane construction because I’d rather not contribute to the delinquency of other minors. Unlike my father. Hi Dad! He taught us all the great stuff like shooting, playing poker, and torturing flies by making them pilots.)
After capturing the fly, Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Gruesome Death of A Fly
By Kernut, on September 17th, 2010%
 (Disclaimer – I didn’t write this. It’s too funny and creative, so obviously. I got it in an email from one of my awesome friends. I have no idea whom to credit for the following hilarious post.)
If Facebook Existed Through History:
My favorite are the last two status posts, God and Ancient Asteroid. I especially love the last two comments.
If you don’t share this story, zombies will get you. (Just a little.)
By Kernut, on September 8th, 2010%
 Just a short post (that I totally copied from a funny email). (Just so you know, this isn’t plagiarism like what happened to Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka. No, seriously. It is not! This came from one of those e-jokes, and had no author listed. It’s totally different. Mostly because I’m just to lazy to write a real post today and this was funny. They typos, however, are totally mine since I retyped this from scratch.)
By Kernut, on June 30th, 2010%
I know many of my seven readers have children. Intending my blog to always be informational, I want to share some great parenting tips with you all.
What? Just because I’m not a parent to a human doesn’t mean I don’t have great parenting ideas for you.
Seriously, don’t judge.
Need a babysitter in a pinch?
 Duct tape = cheap babysitter. This kid is gonna be a great blogger when she grows up - she's already got a ton of blog fodder and she can't even write yet. .
No duct tape? No worries! Don’t stop now! Continue reading Duct Tape = Cheap Babysitter, and Other Parenting Tips
By Kernut, on May 25th, 2010%
 40 sounds great. Not that I relate. I'm still 27. Always 27. We interrupt the regularly scheduled post to bring you… well, this.
First, let me just say I did not write this. I wish I had, but I didn’t. The following was sent via email by a friend…
If you are 40, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that I’m over the ripe old age of forty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. They’ve got it so easy. I mean, compared to my childhood, they live in a damn Utopia.
And I hate to say it, but kids today don’t know how good they’ve got it!
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. Don’t stop now! Continue reading 14 Signs You’re Over 40
By Kernut, on April 2nd, 2010%
 The Rispin Mansion, Capitola, CA. Front entry way. The Time Penny Was Attacked by The Killer Bees
When I was a delinquent young teenager in Capitola, I had some friends with whom I regularly got into trouble had adventures. (See: My First Brush With The Law). One of the places we would regularly go to find trouble was the colloquially named ‘monastery’, formally know as The Rispin Mansion.
(Side note: If you view the more recent photos, note we did NOT spray paint the place, or destroy the statues, and were quick to lecture those who did. We loved that place. I would like to see it restored but it’s going to be torn down and turned into a Bed & Breakfast or something.)
The monestary/Rispin Mansion was once a beautiful mansion built in 1922 by a wealthy man, reported to have transported liquor during the Prohibition.
It seemed only fitting we should go there to drink illegally.
The place once had beautiful parquet floors and statues. It still had secret hidden rooms, and a sliding bookcase. People, I couldn’t make this shit up – I’m not that imaginative. IT WAS AWESOME!
The place was abandoned around 1958, and it’s considered trespassing to be on the grounds.
Yet another good reason for us to go there. Regularly. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Penny and The Attack of The Killer Bees
By Kernut, on March 21st, 2010%
FINALLY, after a few rounds of “What’s your favorite fruit loop flavor?” eHarmony reveals the pictures to me. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, Part 2
By Kernut, on March 19th, 2010%
To help brighten up the sterilized sea of cubicles where I work, each holiday we decorate a pass-through/hallway. It helps give the place a little color, and is a good excuse not to be at our desks for 15 minutes. We also include a plate of cookies or bowl of candy related to the holiday.
For St. Patty’s we did the usual: green clovers, pictures of green beer and leprechauns. My cube mate (the quiet male) cut up shapes of Lucky Charms cereal out of colored paper: pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, blue diamonds, and purple horse shoes. Very creative.
I thought we needed a real box of Lucky Charms cereal to complete the decorations. Mind you, it had been years since I last saw the contents of Lucky Charms.
Besides oddly-shaped (not as described above) “marshmallows”, here’s what was in the box: Don’t stop now! Continue reading We Interrupt The Regularly Scheduled Post To Bring You: Lucky WTF? Charms
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