Kernut The Blond

Not an actual picture.

It’s not always funny.

Believe me, I would much rather be posting something else right now, like the details of one of my tumultuous dating adventures.

You ever have one of those days?

Weeks? Years?

No, me either. And this past week (year? God bless my short memory!) has NOT been one of them.

Ok, not in the last five minutes because I’ve been blogging for the last five minutes and I LIKE blogging.

Yes, it’s taken me five minutes to write the few previous sentences. I’m new, leave me alone.

When I’m Not Here I’ve Been Out Getting Blood Tests

Huh, wha??  Unfortunately, it’s true. Lemme explain… continue reading…

Looking for a new pair of shoes? Got a shoe or foot fetish? Got an animal foot fetish? Are you a Dom who needs a gift for your slave?

Let me help you out…

Chair Shoes? Foot Chair?

Do your feet get tired of walking in heels? Here’s the solution!

. continue reading…

This is me. What, you thought I was human?

When I’m not here, you probably think I’m out having an awesome social life, on a date, or having sex.

Sadly, no. It’s been about a year since I had a boyfriend – and he was really lousy in bed. Come to think of it, so was the one before him.

But I have been discovered – by spammers.

When I’m not here blogging (and deleting spam), I’m over here writing about Social Media (and deleting spam), or here writing about sexy stuff.

That is, when I’m not at my new job!

Yes, it’s true folks – I am no longer a government-subsidized cube dweller. I have escaped the padded cell, a.k.a. the cubicle from hell.

(Believe it or not, I didn’t get fired for asking Guy Kawasaki if he had a single brother for me. Truth be told, by then I had already given notice so there would have been no point in firing me in my last week. Heh heh.) continue reading…

Cadillac Graveyard. Yup. Ass-end up. In the dirt.

Today, for your traveling pleasure I present you all with The 8 Weirdest Places In America that I plan to visit.

There’s 9 if you count this blog. Bonus for you!

As you know, I like touring brothels. I love seeing the weirdest of the weird, the strangest of the strange. No really, I’m freaky like that.

Particularly fond of these American Absurdities, I affectionately call this collection of bizarre sights and wacky places I’d like to visit ‘Cheezy Americana’. Vegas is a city based on Cheezy Americana. I love it in all it’s glittery and wacky tackiness.

Since you seem like my cheezy blog, I thought you all might like other things “Cheezy Americana”.

I made a list for you. You’re welcome. continue reading…

Do you think he means a 'blow job' at the salon for that hair??

Recently learning Herman Munster is alive and well and selling real estate, reminded me of one of the many jobs I had.

I said job I had, not gave. sheesh No, not had as in got, either. Remember, I’m a woman – I give them I don’t …oh, never mind.

Where was I? Oh, yeah.. jobs.

The kind you get paid for.

Oh ferfuckssake.

I was fairly young at the time I went to work for this insurance company. My boss was named Fred Krueger. I could not making this up if I tried, people. To separate himself from Freddy Krueger The Slasher, he insisted we called him Fred. Just Fred Krueger.

Yeah, that worked well. Calling him Fred totally made me forget his name WAS IDENTICAL TO THE INFAMOUS SLASHER FLICK DUDE. continue reading…

Guy Kawasaki and crazed fan.

Recently, Guy Kawasaki came to my work and gave a talk on marketing and entrepreneurship.

It was awesome! He’s very funny, smart, self-deprecating, and very approachable. Apparently, the latter is against the opinion of his detractors.

I have to disagree with them. I found Guy to be very approachable – he let me attempt to get this photo THREE times. (and it’s still fuzzy WTF? I can’t even blame my crap photo skills on this one.)

He let me keep trying to get the picture even after I confessed to being the one who wrote the emails below…

(The following is my funny recounting of the events leading up to, and during, the Guy Kawasaki event. For his serious tips on marketing and entrepreneurship visit my post at Marketing Squirrel… Guy Kawasaki Talks About Marketing and Entrepreneurship.)

Letters to Guy Kawasaki, and Jenny, The Bloggess… continue reading…

It’s true my dear Kernutties – I Went To Jail 4th of July Weekend.

The pokey, the joint,  the big house, the slammer.

The Greybar Hotel.

The Rock (no, not the hot one named Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson).

I was a guest of the state.

Alas, this time I did not commit any crimes (none they know about, anyway).

Fortunately for me (and you) I was allowed to leave. Albeit, after a short tour.

I went on a tour of Alcatraz State Prison for the 4th of July.

You know how I want my blog to be educational for y’all? Well, in the likely unlikely event you find yourself incarcerated, I wanted to share a little prison slang with you… continue reading…

Wow! I got another award! The Beautiful Blogger Award!

(I think someone saw my photoshopped picture.)

This is from the most sexy Wicked Shawn. Thank you sweetie! *throws kisses*

I like her.

Come to think of it, the other one was from her, too. (If you’re counting, yes that is only two awards. Your point?)

Beautiful Blogger Award - From Wicked Shawn. She likes me.

Here are the rules:

Seven things you could not care less about have been dying to know about me: continue reading…

I know many of my seven readers have children. Intending my blog to always be informational, I want to share some great parenting tips with you all.

What? Just because I’m not a parent to a human doesn’t mean I don’t have great parenting ideas for you.

Seriously, don’t judge.

Need a babysitter in a pinch?

Duct tape = cheap babysitter. This kid is gonna be a great blogger when she grows up - she's already got a ton of blog fodder and she can't even write yet.

.

No duct tape? No worries! continue reading…

Happy Social Media Day!

According to Mashable June 30th is Social Media Day.

What, you didn’t know?!

Ok, me either. I mean, really when did this start? Yesterday?

So, I got this from The Bloggess. She thinks Mashable might have made it up. I’m thinking she’s right. But really, do we need a holiday to post and tweet?

I think not.

So… Happy Social Media Day! I think you should take the day off and celebrate properly.