Depression is a Bitch


This isn’t really a post, it’s a confession, one I hope helps someone else. At least then the struggle won’t be all for nothing. This is about something I’ve dealt with for a long time, over thirty years. It’s something I very rarely talk about because I feel it makes me somehow less acceptable as a person, broken, not good enough.

(No, this is not about Speck. The one bright spot this week is Speck has left the RV park and is no longer a constant reminder. I wish him well.)

This is how I feel, like a shadow of a whole person.

This is how I feel when I’m depressed, like the shadow of a person. Empty, hollow, without substance.


I started writing this over a year ago, but didn’t have the courage to finish it until today. I started writing it after Tim Ferriss wrote about his struggle and how he’s hidden it for a long time. I get it. I totally, completely get it.

Jennifer Aniston just spoke about her insecurities, the same ones we all deal with. Again, I get it, on a level I wish I didn’t, I get it. And I have a whole new respect and deep appreciation for Jennifer Aniston as a human being.

The Bloggess often writes about her battles. By her admission and openness, she comforts me and the entire interwebs. We know we aren’t really, even though we feel utterly, completely alone. I hope to be like her someday: brave, vulnerable, and to let someone else know they aren’t alone.

I identified with all of what they said, and applaud their bravery and honesty, their vulnerability. They have inspired me to admit my own struggles. But, wait! There’s more…

Indecent Proposals, part two

If you haven’t already, read part one of Indecent Proposals here, or none of this post will make sense. All caught up? Ok, good.

Mouse having sex with a mouse.

This is like internet dating, but better.

He replied saying he was busy traveling for a few weeks. Then no other communication for two weeks, until I get the email below (in green). Apparently, he’d not been traveling as he said in his previous email. When reading his next email, with his thinly-veiled indecent proposal, keep in mind we have had one phone conversation and we have not met.

Dear Blond Lemming,

Good morning. I hope that you had a fabulous holiday weekend.

Are you making the move to (town to get away from the ex Speck) this week?

I’ve been catching up with friends and trying to get my back yard ready for a 3 week trip. I’m planning to leave this weekend, hopefully Saturday, to go to a conference in OH and then spend 2 weeks in MI. Then I’ll drive up through the Upper Peninsula and back down through WI. Should be a lovely time for a trip. I’m busy lining up appointments and visits now.

Sorry we haven’t met yet. We’ll have time to talk in the car if you want to ride along;-) I’m taking my friend’s kayak and am especially looking forward to the shores and inlets of Lake Superior. I’ll be passing through a lot of areas where wealthy Chicagoans have their summer homes. They might be good regions for your sales? Ready for an adventure?

Or a cup of coffee, of course;-)

With wanderlust,

WTF? I’m thinking the “wander” portion of his signature was a typo on his part. And he wasn’t paying a bit of attention during our call if he thinks I sell door-to-door products, or anything, to homeowners.

Hi Greenie, But, wait! There’s more…

Indecent Proposals – They’re crawling out of the woodwork

As I hinted in this previous post (<— read that link or the rest of this post won’t make sense), I have some funny (or not) indecent proposals to share with you all, followed by a hopeful solution to my heretofore screwy dating life: Professional Dating Advice. Oh my, I learned so much! The indecency week be in two posts.

First, about the indecent proposals I’ve received.

Was it something I said?

Do I give off a scent?

The better question is, “Why do I bother dating at all?”

After learning the last man I dated, referred to as Speck, was less than honest or faithful, I moved on. I’m not much for meeting men in bars, and I don’t come across many other options, so I opt for internet dating. *heavy sigh* Many of my long time readers will recall my escapades with, etc. (Single women, I offer you a warning: The aforementioned ex is on Match and has been active there for years. Yes, while we were dating. No, that is not where I met him. Yes, he is seeing someone else and she may not know about his profile. For all I know, he has several.)

Here’s what’s also on Match and E-harmony…

Indecent Proposal #1: “Rich Guy” I had a great date over the holiday weekend with a guy from E-Harmony. He’s good looking, extremely successful, owns a major US business, and several homes. One of those happens to be a sweet on-the-beach condo in Bethany Beach, Delaware. I’ll call him Rich Guy.

Concert in downtown Bethany Beach, DE.

Concert in downtown Bethany Beach, DE.

After making it through E-Harmony’s intense vetting process, we emailed, and then talked on the phone. He was heading down to the condo for a couple days of rest and relaxation. Rich Guy invited me to join him.


Now, here I was, nothing planned for the holiday weekend, except sitting in the RV park and seeing Speck around the park, a fresh reminder of my shame.

My dilemma: Do nothing at home and see Speck around the park, or go meet a virtual stranger from the internet at his beach house for the evening? What’s a gal (blond lemming) to do? But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: Gnome Homes

(Note: I’m testing a new emailing system. I apologize if you get two versions of this. I also apologize if one of them looks like crap. Don’t unsubscribe – it won’t be like that for long. 🙂 OK, some of you have received the crappy one – a pretty picture, but no post. I’m pretty sure I’ve fixed it now so I will be removing the old list soon. If you didn’t get the pretty picture without text, but you know you are a subscriber – Please let me know! I don’t want to delete the old list if it’s not duplicated.)

There is a phenomenon in Pennsylvania: Gnome Homes and Gardens.

Most RV parks in Pennsylvania are closed for the winter, November through April. May through October is known as “the season”. Much like the RVing snowbirds who flock to the southern states for the winter, northeast locals flock to a nearby RV park for the season. The difference between them and the winter snowbirds is that most of them have a stick-and-brick within several hours’ drive. Many only come out to their RV on the weekends during the season.

They keep their RV in one of the few RV parks over the winter, often paying the monthly rate but never going to visit it. The RV is usually covered and shuttered for the winter.

But come mid-April or May, everyone flocks to their RV. They unwrap the RVs, gazebos go up, TVs come outside, fountains go on, flowers are planted, and gnomes invade the park.

Yes, I said gnomes.

Along with the gnomes, goes every possible item one could put in a yard. Most of these yards have a variety of lights to rival Christmas. In fact, the decorating style is “everything but the kitchen sink, with gnomes”…. But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: This one’s not funny

Author’s Note: The first part of this post is not funny, at all. In fact, it’s still quite sad for me. But then it gets a bit funny (in a bizarre, dating-sucks way) when I went to Bethany Beach in Delaware, and then it gets hopeful. I have some hilarious (or not) dating escapades to tell you all in the following posts, and a hopeful solution to my screwy dating life. But before I get to that, I have a confession of sorts to make…

It's a shame you can't buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s a shame you can’t buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s not really a confession so much as connecting some dots for you all, dots that I haven’t connected for you before. Actually it was one dot. The connection is this One Dot and I dated on and off for the last three and a half years. I’ve written about him a few times, although rather subtly in most cases. He is the one person I wrote about whom (I believe) I never gave a secret name, until now. While a few of you know who he is, and others can connect the dots, I won’t use his name. Instead, I will refer to him as Speck. Because, he’s not even a dot now, he’s just a speck. (This will make more sense when you read what happened.)

Speck transferred for work from Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, Texas, to Pennsylvania Rainforest/Dutch Country about a year and a half ago. At the time, his transferring many states away was the best thing that happened to me, him not being in my life my more.

But, I’m blond, none too bright, and have the tendencies of a lemming. Oooh, look at that perfectly good cliff – I think I’ll throw myself off it for funzies! But, wait! There’s more…

He claims he swapped legs with a jaybird and got cheated out of a butt.

I went to the Pennsylvania Cabela’s.

In case you’ve never been, I’ll describe the Cabela’s experience: It’s like going to a zoo, but all of the animals are dead.

Wait, what?

Pennsylvania Cabela's

Pennsylvania Cabela’s

Before I go on, I should explain the title since, unlike my usual title/post combinations, this one isn’t self-explanatory or related to the topic of this post. I merely needed a catchy title so here’s the connection: I went to Cabela’s with a friend who claims he doesn’t have a butt. While I disagree and think he has a cute butt, I chose the title in deference to his claim, and because I enjoy teasing him. Unfortunately, he rarely reads this blog so he’ll probably never know.

It seems almost all men claim they have no butt. And, if I may speak for my gender, we pretty much think most men’s butts are cute. In general, you like ours, we like yours, and neither gender would look as good with the other’s butt. 

But I digress, and probably need a dose of meds, so I’ll move along now…

About Cabela’s in Hamburg, Pennsylvania

Cabela’s comprehensive display of dead things isn’t as gruesome as you might (naturally) think. It looks just like the zoo – all the animals are in “pens” decorated like their natural habitat. Other than the pens being inside a building, and the lack of a “poo” smell, there is no difference between Cabela’s and a real zoo.

Except that everything is dead. The animals But, wait! There’s more…

Leaving Brooklyn Fuhgeddaboudit

Leaving Brooklyn - Fugheddaboudit

Leaving Brooklyn Fugheddaboudit

This is the sign you see as you are leaving Brooklyn, New York. I can now officially add New York to the list of states in which I’ve set foot.

Additionally, for the first time since I was two years old, I set foot in New Jersey, the state where I was born. I plan to go back to both just to do touristy things before leaving Pennsylvania.

What brought me to New York and New Jersey, you ask? A chauffeured limousine. Lest you think I’ve won the lottery or married a wealthy man, I should tell you I was the chauffeur.

Yes, folks, this is an episode of Jobs I’ve Had, as well as another of Tales From the RV Park

To remind you where I last left off: But, wait! There’s more…

Random Giant Texas

This is a short post of a few random giant things in Texas: Giant Spurs in Gainesville, Giant Chess Knight and Castle Wall near Gainesville, and a Giant Chessboard in Giddings. In case you are like me and want to know the “why” of things, I’ll include what little I know about these items.

Giant Chessboard in Giddings, Texas.

Giant Chessboard in Giddings, Texas.

This giant chessboard is at a camp on the outskirts of Giddings. I’ve seen a few of these around the country, just a fun way to play chess. But, wait! There’s more…

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Even though it’s as green as the Emerald City, we’re not in Kansas anymore. Pye and I are cruising around southeastern Pennsylvania. When it snowed in early April a friend asked, “What do April snows bring?” At that time I had no idea what weather to expect in May, but now I know: April snows bring May showers. Lots and lots of May showers. We’re all developing webbed feet and hands.

As I’ve said before, it’s absolutely stunning! Everything is a lovely shade of bright green (from all the rain): the gently rolling hills dotted with farmhouses and silos, the tall trees with new foliage… much like The Emerald City in The Land of Oz must have looked like to Dorothy and Toto.

Dorothy and Toto - still in Kansas.

Dorothy and Toto – still in Kansas.

We’re not in Kansas anymore, but late last year I stopped at Dorothy’s House in Liberal, Kansas.

There’s a little museum, some statues of the characters, and a few buildings to walk around. They offer a tour, of what, I never got to see… But, wait! There’s more…

The time I met the Hooker Police

Oklahoma’s panhandle, long called “No Man’s Land”, is a 170-mile-long stretch of flat farmland interrupted by a handful of small towns. It’s dry and barren in between the towns. And the towns are small; there aren’t many men, or women, living in No Man’s Land. Big shock, right? If you think a dearth of inhabitants is how No Man’s Land got its name, you’d be wrong. It was so named while people fought over who got to keep this dust-blown, winter-frost-bitten, tornado-swept bit of nowhere…

From Wikipedia:

When Texas sought to enter the Union in 1845 as a slave state, federal law in the United States, based on the Missouri Compromise, prohibited slavery north of 36°30′ parallel north. Under the Compromise of 1850, Texas surrendered its lands north of 36°30′ latitude. The 170-mile strip of land, a “neutral strip”, was left with no state or territorial ownership from 1850 until 1890. It was officially called the “Public Land Strip” and was commonly called “No Man’s Land.”

In the middle of No Man’s Land sits a town named Hooker. Hooker happens to be just down the road from Beaver City. No shit. (I was going to visit Beaver City too, but that seemed, oh… I don’t know, like double dipping. Or redundant.)

Do you know what I think? I think naming a town “Hooker” and placing it smack dab in the middle of No Man’s Land was a clever marketing ploy.

Think about it. If you wanted to bring men to a place called No Man’s Land, what would you do? You would name a town Hooker, and another nearby town Beaver City. If a town named Hooker attracted women, perhaps “working gals”, along with the men, all the better!

Of course, it might attract horny guys willing to pay for sex, but whatever. The likely goal was to increase the population, and it worked.

Then came the Hooker Inn. Obviously.
The Hooker Inn.

The Hooker Inn.

This, uh-hum, spawned the Hooker Horny Toads… But, wait! There’s more…