Tag Archives: Dating Sucks

Dating sucks, it sucks a lot. But if we don’t want to be single forever we have to suffer dating.

Indecent Proposals, part two

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

If you haven’t already, read part one of Indecent Proposals here, or none of this post will make sense. All caught up? Ok, good.

Mouse having sex with a mouse.

This is like internet dating, but better.

He replied saying he was busy traveling for a few weeks. Then no other communication for two weeks, until I get the email below (in green). Apparently, he’d not been traveling as he said in his previous email. When reading his next email, with his thinly-veiled indecent proposal, keep in mind we have had one phone conversation and we have not met.

Dear Blond Lemming,

Good morning. I hope that you had a fabulous holiday weekend.

Are you making the move to (town to get away from the ex Speck) this week?

I’ve been catching up with friends and trying to get my back yard ready for a 3 week trip. I’m planning to leave this weekend, hopefully Saturday, to go to a conference in OH and then spend 2 weeks in MI. Then I’ll drive up through the Upper Peninsula and back down through WI. Should be a lovely time for a trip. I’m busy lining up appointments and visits now.

Sorry we haven’t met yet. We’ll have time to talk in the car if you want to ride along;-) I’m taking my friend’s kayak and am especially looking forward to the shores and inlets of Lake Superior. I’ll be passing through a lot of areas where wealthy Chicagoans have their summer homes. They might be good regions for your sales? Ready for an adventure?

Or a cup of coffee, of course;-)

With wanderlust,
Greenie

WTF? I’m thinking the “wander” portion of his signature was a typo on his part. And he wasn’t paying a bit of attention during our call if he thinks I sell door-to-door products, or anything, to homeowners.

Hi Greenie, But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: This one’s not funny

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Author’s Note: The first part of this post is not funny, at all. In fact, it’s still quite sad for me. But then it gets a bit funny (in a bizarre, dating-sucks way) when I went to Bethany Beach in Delaware, and then it gets hopeful. I have some hilarious (or not) dating escapades to tell you all in the following posts, and a hopeful solution to my screwy dating life. But before I get to that, I have a confession of sorts to make…

It's a shame you can't buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s a shame you can’t buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s not really a confession so much as connecting some dots for you all, dots that I haven’t connected for you before. Actually it was one dot. The connection is this One Dot and I dated on and off for the last three and a half years. I’ve written about him a few times, although rather subtly in most cases. He is the one person I wrote about whom (I believe) I never gave a secret name, until now. While a few of you know who he is, and others can connect the dots, I won’t use his name. Instead, I will refer to him as Speck. Because, he’s not even a dot now, he’s just a speck. (This will make more sense when you read what happened.)

Speck transferred for work from Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, Texas, to Pennsylvania Rainforest/Dutch Country about a year and a half ago. At the time, his transferring many states away was the best thing that happened to me, him not being in my life my more.

But, I’m blond, none too bright, and have the tendencies of a lemming. Oooh, look at that perfectly good cliff – I think I’ll throw myself off it for funzies! But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Two little girls wrote a better profile than mine

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

This post is brought to you by the internet. Yes, that means I’m phoning it in. Why? Because two little girls wrote a better dating profile than I did. I should stick to blogging, and collecting cats.

Now I know what I’ve been doing wrong with this online dating thing — besides doing it at all. Two little girls, ages six and nine — YES, 6 and 9, — have summed up in 30 bullet points what I tried to do with several pages of (probably useless because most men aren’t reading it) text.

List of Boyfriend Rules by Blaire (age 6) and Brooke (age 9)

It’s funny, scary accurate, and insightful: “#4 not living with Parents”. Whoa. I sure could’ve used that line in the past.

Go read it, I’ll wait.

And there you have it. These two girls have written a better profile that I did. I just might make it my new one, if I decide to carry on. However, I’ll change #10 to say “must like cats, and RV travel”, and #22 to “must love quirky blondes”.

UPDATE: I replaced my profile text with their 30 Boyfriend Rules, with only a few minor changes as noted above. We’ll see what happens! 

Online Dating: Emails for Your Amusement

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

You all are funny, and patient, and kind – and you are the reason I continue to slog through the junk in my online dating inbox. Your comments give me hope and encouragement there just might be a good guy among all the frogs in the online dating arena, and in the real world.

I thought you might enjoy reading a couple more of the less-than-stellar emails I got. These guys did not make it past what you see here, but the interaction makes for decent blog fodder – and as a warning to anyone considering dating again.

First up: Really hot service man, probable gym rat, 47 years old. Profile says he lives in Michigan. Bummer. (He’ll get a name in a few minutes; you’ll see why.)

Good evening 🙂

Do a stranger a awesome favor please, would you take a moment to read my profile just as I’ve done here briefly yo yours beautiful

I’d like a opportunity to engage in one another’s meaningful and intellectually conversation and it be our basis of a refreshing friendship that may someday mature into a great friendship

A relationship that brought out the playfulness and amazingly smiles that truly emulates a great time

I’m the man that wishies to know you on a intellectual level now that you grabbed a whole of my attention and thoughts

May I someday compliment you by naturally generating a smile because not of the occasional and repeated holidays ie Valentine’s day approaching but because of the day’s in between

(Very American Name)
Ps
Have a peaceful nights rest tonight

Ok, at first pass, this seems like a really sweet letter, albeit riddled with poor English and grammar (not that I should talk). BUT, something about the treacly prose doesn’t ring true with me — it feels too contrived, too… something fake.

Do women really fall for this crap? But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Oh, my. Well, this explains a lot.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

What is it with the laziness of men and online dating? Why, after they’ve indicated interest, can’t they email first, or even ask a woman out?

There is one guy with whom I’ve had quite a few emails. I’ve never been excited about him. So little so that I can’t even come up with a good nickname for him. I’m just going to call him Mass Email Guy. Like his name indicates, Mass Email Guy has sent me a gazillion emails, sometimes four in a row, never once asking me out. And, just as bad, rarely asking me anything about myself.

I’m officially bored. We’re done. NEXT!

Remember I Don’t Know My Age Guy (his profile said 43, but he claimed to be 49 in his email to me, said he’d made a mistake)? He wrote back:

Hi (“Not holding my breath Gal”),
I assure you that its nothing. Creepy :-). I think that it had something to do with of setting it up with my phone and no reading glasses!
You are definitely going to be traveling into some nice weather down here.

(I Don’t Know My Age Guy)

After telling him I’d be in his area in a couple weeks, that’s all he says? Huh. Okaaay.

I wrote back, and this time specifically said I’d be visiting But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: The Hunter-Gatherer Principle

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I love the look of a man who is a bit stocky, or thick. Big shoulders, strong hairy legs, slightly muscular build – but not too “cut” – and just a little “extra” around the middle. He may not even consider his body looks good. (Many of you have heard me say this before. Sorry. I tend to repeat myself in person, too, so don’t feel alone.)

“The Hunter-Gatherer Principle” is just the name I’ve always called my preference for that look. My sister, on the other hand, prefers the very lean and toned look (and that’s how you would describe her husband). We don’t have a name for her preference, but she doesn’t have a blog so it doesn’t matter.

Theory behind the Hunter-Gatherer Principle: A man with decent muscles and carrying a little extra weight is probably a good provider. I’m taking a guess here my preference might stem from instincts left over from caveman days when those who could get the most food survived the best, and provided for their family. My subliminal thinking probably goes like this: “Hmm, he’s obviously a successful hunter-gatherer, and would make a good provider.”

That’s not saying I’m looking for my mate to be the sole supporter and take care of me (but I probably wouldn’t turn that down, either – I’m blond, not stupid). I can hunt and gather at the local store just like everyone else. I really don’t care for hunting or fishing, but accept it if that’s what “my guy” likes to do.

Here in Texas (and never even once in California), But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: After Adding Photos

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s as I suspected: The creeps came out of the woodwork once I posted photos.

I had my photos up for about 24 hours, but took them down because of the idiot factor. Holy Illiteracy, Batman! I doubt I have the stamina to deal with the creeps, but nothing is more detestable to me than a half-sentence email from someone who didn’t bother to take a moment to read my profile…

A 38 year-old fireman from Hill Country sent “How r u”.

Ah, a literate one. He is also seeking women “18-99”.

And here I thought my fifteen-year dating range was generous.

A 49 year-old from far away, with pics showing off his toys/wealth, “HELLO”.

A 45 year-old, who lives fairly close, looking for someone to have fun with sent, “hi how are you doing today,,im (name).” WTF? Don’t they teach capitalization and punctuation in school anymore??

Holy Crap. There are many more examples like this. These “men”, for lack of a better word, obviously did not read my profile. Equally as obvious: they’re only looking for one thing – and they’re not even willing to put in much effort for that.

The 20-somethings also came out of the woodwork. But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Before the Photos

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Two weeks before I added the photos, I posted my text-only profile hoping men would break the visual-only stereotype and contact me based solely on what I wrote.

Before you start to think I would do the same, I am also a visual person. I did search through profiles without photos, but of the very few that had any text to read, there was one to whom I considered writing. But I didn’t. Why? Because I was scared. Maybe of hurting someone if I didn’t find him attractive, but mostly because I didn’t view them as sincere, suspecting they had a significant other from whom they were hiding.

Back to the contact before photos: Three men emailed me. Three emails in two weeks, one each from three different dating sites.

To preserve their anonymity, I will call them Flaky Guy, Intense-Angry Cop Guy, and Big Cowboy.

Flaky Guy: He is 55, grown kids, and lives on a lake about an hour or so away. He wrote, but his profile said he was only looking for dating. I said I wasn’t, but thanks anyway. He immediately wrote back, said he was looking for long-term, and begged me not to disappear.

Ok, I figured what the heck? I can keep writing to him and see how it goes. We chatted back and forth for several emails. I asked why he’d written to me without seeing a picture. He didn’t answer that question.

After another couple exchanges Flaky Guy asked, ‘Yep more common ground so what’s the next move?’

I replied, ‘Your call for what’s next. I’m open to meeting. I just looked out the window so I’m getting ready to head out to enjoy the sun! What are your plans for the day? I hope you have a good one!’ But, wait! There’s more…

I have the memory of a goldfish…

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I have the memory of a goldfish… Once around the bowl and I think, “Oooh, that rock is new!”

Yup.

This can be both good and bad.

Goldfish with big eyes, and bad memory.

Goldfish with big eyes, and bad memory.

(Current mood: Reflective, wistful.)

The Bad?, or Things I Don’t Remember…

I probably can’t tell you what I had for breakfast today without a great deal of thought. And even then I may not remember.

I often can’t remember the people I meet. I often can’t remember someone’s name SECONDS after I’ve met them. If I do manage to see them regularly at some place I frequent, but then I see them at some place I’ve never seen them before, I won’t recognize them because they’re out of context. I feel terribly embarrassed each and every time.

I don’t remember many, many things from my youth. I remember But, wait! There’s more…

I’m feeling slightly less jaded than last week. Yeah, there’s that.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I wrote most of the following post rant after the last of several crappy condescending and chauvinistic incidents in the three preceding weeks. Feel free to skip it. The quoted portion is what I wrote last week. I’ve since calmed down a bit and am now feeling slightly less jaded. I explain why at the end.

I alluded to this in my previous post and on my Facebook page. And a dozen times in my Match.com dating disasters.

<rant on> Recent events in Texas have reminded me of my pet peeve of too many superficial compliments, but few to none, nada, zip, zilch about anything substantial.

Am I really just a piece of pretty fluff?

In my previous post, I mentioned how much chauvinism and blatant objectification there is of women in the south. If I sound a bit, well, annoyed, you’re right. I’ve pretty much had my fill of it lately.

I’ve mentioned before how polite Texans are as a whole, but there is a dichotomy to their manners, at least those of some of the men. On one hand most are very polite, calling you ‘ma’am’, holding the door, insisting on paying for everything. But on the other hand some of those same men will just as quickly treat you like an object, or as if you are “less than” for being a woman. But, wait! There’s more…