Category Archives: Dating

relationships, dating, single life, love, sex, drama, reasons to stay single

Happy Friday 5 – Pet the Sweaty Things

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Happy Friday 5: Pet the Sweaty Things

First, I want to thank each and every one of you who bought my ebook! It makes my heart flutter every time I get a notification that another person bought it! I love you guys!

Fun Fact: In the first week of October I’ve driven through nine states (five of them “never been to before”) and gone 1,200 miles. By the time you read this I will be in the Florida panhandle for the winter. WOOT! The storm isn’t expected near here at all, so things are good. Everyone is on island time – laid-back and relaxed! Setting a meeting or schedule seems to be a foreign concept. Go to love that!


Create Your Own Visited States Map

Fun Fact #2: I think a “gentleman” in the Georgia Walmart parking lot who kept pulling up to my drivers window to chat me up was looking for a “lady friend” for the night. He didn’t get one. Well, he may have, but it wasn’t me. It was about then I decided that part of Georgia wasn’t a good place to spend the night and drove to Alabama. No one in Alabama hit on me. No sweaty things were petted.

What cracked me up this week: I need to preface this by saying no offense is meant But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: This one’s not funny

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Author’s Note: The first part of this post is not funny, at all. In fact, it’s still quite sad for me. But then it gets a bit funny (in a bizarre, dating-sucks way) when I went to Bethany Beach in Delaware, and then it gets hopeful. I have some hilarious (or not) dating escapades to tell you all in the following posts, and a hopeful solution to my screwy dating life. But before I get to that, I have a confession of sorts to make…

It's a shame you can't buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s a shame you can’t buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s not really a confession so much as connecting some dots for you all, dots that I haven’t connected for you before. Actually it was one dot. The connection is this One Dot and I dated on and off for the last three and a half years. I’ve written about him a few times, although rather subtly in most cases. He is the one person I wrote about whom (I believe) I never gave a secret name, until now. While a few of you know who he is, and others can connect the dots, I won’t use his name. Instead, I will refer to him as Speck. Because, he’s not even a dot now, he’s just a speck. (This will make more sense when you read what happened.)

Speck transferred for work from Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, Texas, to Pennsylvania Rainforest/Dutch Country about a year and a half ago. At the time, his transferring many states away was the best thing that happened to me, him not being in my life my more.

But, I’m blond, none too bright, and have the tendencies of a lemming. Oooh, look at that perfectly good cliff – I think I’ll throw myself off it for funzies! But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Two little girls wrote a better profile than mine

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

This post is brought to you by the internet. Yes, that means I’m phoning it in. Why? Because two little girls wrote a better dating profile than I did. I should stick to blogging, and collecting cats.

Now I know what I’ve been doing wrong with this online dating thing — besides doing it at all. Two little girls, ages six and nine — YES, 6 and 9, — have summed up in 30 bullet points what I tried to do with several pages of (probably useless because most men aren’t reading it) text.

List of Boyfriend Rules by Blaire (age 6) and Brooke (age 9)

It’s funny, scary accurate, and insightful: “#4 not living with Parents”. Whoa. I sure could’ve used that line in the past.

Go read it, I’ll wait.

And there you have it. These two girls have written a better profile that I did. I just might make it my new one, if I decide to carry on. However, I’ll change #10 to say “must like cats, and RV travel”, and #22 to “must love quirky blondes”.

UPDATE: I replaced my profile text with their 30 Boyfriend Rules, with only a few minor changes as noted above. We’ll see what happens! 

Online Dating: Emails for Your Amusement

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

You all are funny, and patient, and kind – and you are the reason I continue to slog through the junk in my online dating inbox. Your comments give me hope and encouragement there just might be a good guy among all the frogs in the online dating arena, and in the real world.

I thought you might enjoy reading a couple more of the less-than-stellar emails I got. These guys did not make it past what you see here, but the interaction makes for decent blog fodder – and as a warning to anyone considering dating again.

First up: Really hot service man, probable gym rat, 47 years old. Profile says he lives in Michigan. Bummer. (He’ll get a name in a few minutes; you’ll see why.)

Good evening 🙂

Do a stranger a awesome favor please, would you take a moment to read my profile just as I’ve done here briefly yo yours beautiful

I’d like a opportunity to engage in one another’s meaningful and intellectually conversation and it be our basis of a refreshing friendship that may someday mature into a great friendship

A relationship that brought out the playfulness and amazingly smiles that truly emulates a great time

I’m the man that wishies to know you on a intellectual level now that you grabbed a whole of my attention and thoughts

May I someday compliment you by naturally generating a smile because not of the occasional and repeated holidays ie Valentine’s day approaching but because of the day’s in between

(Very American Name)
Ps
Have a peaceful nights rest tonight

Ok, at first pass, this seems like a really sweet letter, albeit riddled with poor English and grammar (not that I should talk). BUT, something about the treacly prose doesn’t ring true with me — it feels too contrived, too… something fake.

Do women really fall for this crap? But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: The Hunter-Gatherer Principle

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I love the look of a man who is a bit stocky, or thick. Big shoulders, strong hairy legs, slightly muscular build – but not too “cut” – and just a little “extra” around the middle. He may not even consider his body looks good. (Many of you have heard me say this before. Sorry. I tend to repeat myself in person, too, so don’t feel alone.)

“The Hunter-Gatherer Principle” is just the name I’ve always called my preference for that look. My sister, on the other hand, prefers the very lean and toned look (and that’s how you would describe her husband). We don’t have a name for her preference, but she doesn’t have a blog so it doesn’t matter.

Theory behind the Hunter-Gatherer Principle: A man with decent muscles and carrying a little extra weight is probably a good provider. I’m taking a guess here my preference might stem from instincts left over from caveman days when those who could get the most food survived the best, and provided for their family. My subliminal thinking probably goes like this: “Hmm, he’s obviously a successful hunter-gatherer, and would make a good provider.”

That’s not saying I’m looking for my mate to be the sole supporter and take care of me (but I probably wouldn’t turn that down, either – I’m blond, not stupid). I can hunt and gather at the local store just like everyone else. I really don’t care for hunting or fishing, but accept it if that’s what “my guy” likes to do.

Here in Texas (and never even once in California), But, wait! There’s more…

Snakes on a Farm

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

For the two weeks after taking my online dating photos offline, I had a blast hanging out with some fellow single RVers at the get together at the coast.

This was when Pye stowed away in the RV chassis for 150 miles. I still can’t believe how many opportunities she had to abandon the RV and take off, but she stayed with it. This gives me hope that someday she just might become a willing co-pilot.

Meanwhile, my dating profile photos were offline and I received no notifications of interest – not one. I added them back in over the weekend. Since then, I have received about 80 indications of interest – but no emails. I look through as many as time allows, and send the same back to those I also like. There are five mutual likes.

I’m actually excited about a couple of them. I’m curious to see how many of those will actually send an email. Call me old fashioned, but I just feel the man should email first. I’ve done it the other way, and it has always set the wrong tone for the rest of the relationship. Men seem flattered if you ask them out first, but, in my experience, they seem to pursue you with less fervor from there on out. It’s like the title of that movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

As we wait for the brave ones to contact me, I’m going to show you some snakes.

No, no, no! I’m not referring to the “snakes” in the pictures the half-dressed men have sent of themselves. Although, I probably would post them if I didn’t think I’d be breaking some kind of copyright or privacy law.

So the title of this post is not a reference to men and the online dating arena. But I can see how you might have made that connection.

Moving on… But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: After Adding Photos

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s as I suspected: The creeps came out of the woodwork once I posted photos.

I had my photos up for about 24 hours, but took them down because of the idiot factor. Holy Illiteracy, Batman! I doubt I have the stamina to deal with the creeps, but nothing is more detestable to me than a half-sentence email from someone who didn’t bother to take a moment to read my profile…

A 38 year-old fireman from Hill Country sent “How r u”.

Ah, a literate one. He is also seeking women “18-99”.

And here I thought my fifteen-year dating range was generous.

A 49 year-old from far away, with pics showing off his toys/wealth, “HELLO”.

A 45 year-old, who lives fairly close, looking for someone to have fun with sent, “hi how are you doing today,,im (name).” WTF? Don’t they teach capitalization and punctuation in school anymore??

Holy Crap. There are many more examples like this. These “men”, for lack of a better word, obviously did not read my profile. Equally as obvious: they’re only looking for one thing – and they’re not even willing to put in much effort for that.

The 20-somethings also came out of the woodwork. But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Before the Photos

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Two weeks before I added the photos, I posted my text-only profile hoping men would break the visual-only stereotype and contact me based solely on what I wrote.

Before you start to think I would do the same, I am also a visual person. I did search through profiles without photos, but of the very few that had any text to read, there was one to whom I considered writing. But I didn’t. Why? Because I was scared. Maybe of hurting someone if I didn’t find him attractive, but mostly because I didn’t view them as sincere, suspecting they had a significant other from whom they were hiding.

Back to the contact before photos: Three men emailed me. Three emails in two weeks, one each from three different dating sites.

To preserve their anonymity, I will call them Flaky Guy, Intense-Angry Cop Guy, and Big Cowboy.

Flaky Guy: He is 55, grown kids, and lives on a lake about an hour or so away. He wrote, but his profile said he was only looking for dating. I said I wasn’t, but thanks anyway. He immediately wrote back, said he was looking for long-term, and begged me not to disappear.

Ok, I figured what the heck? I can keep writing to him and see how it goes. We chatted back and forth for several emails. I asked why he’d written to me without seeing a picture. He didn’t answer that question.

After another couple exchanges Flaky Guy asked, ‘Yep more common ground so what’s the next move?’

I replied, ‘Your call for what’s next. I’m open to meeting. I just looked out the window so I’m getting ready to head out to enjoy the sun! What are your plans for the day? I hope you have a good one!’ But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Photographic Sabotage

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Oh. My. With my updated profile posted, I’ve been perusing the profiles of available men. Yikes.

This topic was started by my friend Allison, who is also doing the online dating thing. She posted a question on Facebook about the odd photos men use, like posing with fish. This prompted the first part of this post.

I have this advice to offer to men, before asking all of you for help choosing my own profile photos below:

Men, here’s what not to do in your online dating profile photos, and what we think:

Shirtless photos: So many men seem to post photos of themselves without a shirt on. These photos have been taken by pointing their phone in their bathroom mirror (a point of contention for Allison) – with the subject obviously sucking in his stomach and puffing out his chest.

The question: What are we women supposed to find appealing about this? Are we supposed to be so turned on by your naked chest we feel compelled to contact you?

The impression we get: The guy just wants to get laid, and thinks far too much of himself.

Wearing sunglasses and/or a hat in all or most of your photos: Eyes are the window to the soul.

The impression we get: What else is he hiding?

A drink in every photo: In all or most of his photos the guy is holding a drink.

The impression we get: He probably needs A.A.

Photos with a woman draped all over him: Um, have you no class or tact? He’s looking for another girlfriend using a photo of a past girlfriend? Does she even know he’s using a photo of her?

Here’s a new word: cropping. Better yet, TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE – but try not to use the bathroom mirror. Ask a friend to take some.

The impression we get: We wouldn’t go out with the guy lest we end up in the next “selfie with ex-GF” picture he uses.

Poses with fish: So many men pose with fish. WTF? I, too, am confused by this. Is this a Texas thing? Are we supposed to be impressed by his hunter-gatherer skills? I do all my fishing at the grocery store, so maybe I’m missing something.

The impression we get: He likes to spend a lot of time hunting/fishing with the guys. Then I wonder if we will be compatible if you’re so into fishing.

Here’s where you come in: I need your help choosing a few photos of myself. But, wait! There’s more…

UPDATED Online Dating: The Profile

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

First, I want to extend my great thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses!

Your advice was taken to heart. Well, except maybe the ones that said I should just get out while the getting was good. To quote reader Axel, “Go away from the light. My wife says, ‘Is that a light at the end of the tunnel, or a train?'”

And then there is Mike’s dire warning (in the comment below the Taking the Plunge post) about the sex addicts with multiple profiles.

!!!

*blond lemming feels faint, seriously reconsiders online dating*

But, like any good lemming looking for a cliff, I am moving forward with the online dating. At least for now. You never know when that cliff might suddenly appear.

To that end, I have incorporated your suggestions from the comments section below, and from my Facebook page. You may recognize the first paragraph from the profile I used years ago. I had removed it, but when Kathy suggested including my sense of humor, I added that first paragraph back in. I also mentioned the “Bipolar Kitty Test”. Heh.

Here it is: The Profile  But, wait! There’s more…