Tag Archives: Single

Indecent Proposals – They’re crawling out of the woodwork

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

As I hinted in this previous post (<— read that link or the rest of this post won’t make sense), I have some funny (or not) indecent proposals to share with you all, followed by a hopeful solution to my heretofore screwy dating life: Professional Dating Advice. Oh my, I learned so much! The indecency week be in two posts.

First, about the indecent proposals I’ve received.

Was it something I said?

Do I give off a scent?

The better question is, “Why do I bother dating at all?”

After learning the last man I dated, referred to as Speck, was less than honest or faithful, I moved on. I’m not much for meeting men in bars, and I don’t come across many other options, so I opt for internet dating. *heavy sigh* Many of my long time readers will recall my escapades with Match.com, etc. (Single women, I offer you a warning: The aforementioned ex is on Match and has been active there for years. Yes, while we were dating. No, that is not where I met him. Yes, he is seeing someone else and she may not know about his profile. For all I know, he has several.)

Here’s what’s also on Match and E-harmony…

Indecent Proposal #1: “Rich Guy” I had a great date over the holiday weekend with a guy from E-Harmony. He’s good looking, extremely successful, owns a major US business, and several homes. One of those happens to be a sweet on-the-beach condo in Bethany Beach, Delaware. I’ll call him Rich Guy.

Concert in downtown Bethany Beach, DE.

Concert in downtown Bethany Beach, DE.

After making it through E-Harmony’s intense vetting process, we emailed, and then talked on the phone. He was heading down to the condo for a couple days of rest and relaxation. Rich Guy invited me to join him.

???

Now, here I was, nothing planned for the holiday weekend, except sitting in the RV park and seeing Speck around the park, a fresh reminder of my shame.

My dilemma: Do nothing at home and see Speck around the park, or go meet a virtual stranger from the internet at his beach house for the evening? What’s a gal (blond lemming) to do? But, wait! There’s more…

RV stuff I fixed all by myself.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Before I get to the self-stroking RV stuff I fixed, I want to talk about something sort of important, for once…

My Yahoo! editor has fallen off the face of the earth which means I’ve been able to write more on this blog. Lucky you! (No contact in about a month now, and I’ve submitted a great story idea and an article in that time, along with a few reminder emails.Whatever.) So in between writing the next episode of Tales From the RV Park, I checked my blog stats on Google Feedburner and noticed I lost about 20% of my subscribers within the four days after this post: Online Dating: Oh my. Well, this explains a lot. The post may or may not explain a lot about online dating, but I can’t figure out why I lost so many subscribers. I thought the post about the hunter-gather principle would’ve been the one to turn folks off. Or, far more likely, this post, this post, or this post. Was it something I said?

I don’t try to offend anyone on this blog, but I realize it happens. Heck, I do it in my face-to-face life, too… I suffer from “Foot In Mouth” disease all the time. It’s probably that missing filter thing I mentioned in my About page.

Since I brought up the online dating, some of you may be wondering about what’s going on with the Online Dating Chronicles. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Ziltch. Zero. Concerned I might say something “sans filter” – like I do on this blog – I have been extra cautious when writing back to the few men who’ve sent me a normal email. The conversations always seem to go quite well… and then nothing. They just stop replying, or send one random sentence in reply to our regular email exchange – a sentence that contains no question in which to reply. And, no asking to meet or to talk on the phone.

I do live about an hour and a half (or more) from the ones writing. Maybe that has something to do with it – in the end they just don’t want to bother with the distance. I don’t know, that’s just a guess. Maybe I’m offending the crap out of them, too. 

So,I’m done with the online dating thing. The endless emailing that goes nowhere has taken its toll on my level of interest.

Which means I will continue offending and/or boring the crap out of the few of you dear readers I have left…

Self-Stroking Post RV Stuff I Fixed All By Myself

There is a dichotomy to the RV lifestyle: A lot of stuff needs fixing or regular maintenance, which sucks. But when you fix it all by yourself, it’s an awesome moment of pure pleasure. SPOILER ALERT: If you can tell someone about it and they make all the appropriate facial expressions and comments, the moment of awesome lasts even longer.

Maybe it’s just me, but I get a real thrill out of fixing some, often random, item on my RV. Is that feeling why men love fixing stuff?

*light bulb goes on above my head*

Ohhhh, I totally get it, guys. It makes me want to get frisky, too.

I will now tell you about Stuff I Fixed All By Myself because you are a captive audience that’s really nice to me.

Well, it’s this or you could go back to the work you’re avoiding. Ok, we’ll compromise – I’ll keep it short, kind of. To help with keeping it kind of short, just know the links below are all to previous posts so long-time readers can skip those. Everyone new has to read them. Why? Um, you might learn something. Yeah, that’s it.

Now that we’ve got that settled, I shall commence with the list of Stuff I Fixed All By Myself:

But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: The Hunter-Gatherer Principle

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I love the look of a man who is a bit stocky, or thick. Big shoulders, strong hairy legs, slightly muscular build – but not too “cut” – and just a little “extra” around the middle. He may not even consider his body looks good. (Many of you have heard me say this before. Sorry. I tend to repeat myself in person, too, so don’t feel alone.)

“The Hunter-Gatherer Principle” is just the name I’ve always called my preference for that look. My sister, on the other hand, prefers the very lean and toned look (and that’s how you would describe her husband). We don’t have a name for her preference, but she doesn’t have a blog so it doesn’t matter.

Theory behind the Hunter-Gatherer Principle: A man with decent muscles and carrying a little extra weight is probably a good provider. I’m taking a guess here my preference might stem from instincts left over from caveman days when those who could get the most food survived the best, and provided for their family. My subliminal thinking probably goes like this: “Hmm, he’s obviously a successful hunter-gatherer, and would make a good provider.”

That’s not saying I’m looking for my mate to be the sole supporter and take care of me (but I probably wouldn’t turn that down, either – I’m blond, not stupid). I can hunt and gather at the local store just like everyone else. I really don’t care for hunting or fishing, but accept it if that’s what “my guy” likes to do.

Here in Texas (and never even once in California), But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Before the Photos

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Two weeks before I added the photos, I posted my text-only profile hoping men would break the visual-only stereotype and contact me based solely on what I wrote.

Before you start to think I would do the same, I am also a visual person. I did search through profiles without photos, but of the very few that had any text to read, there was one to whom I considered writing. But I didn’t. Why? Because I was scared. Maybe of hurting someone if I didn’t find him attractive, but mostly because I didn’t view them as sincere, suspecting they had a significant other from whom they were hiding.

Back to the contact before photos: Three men emailed me. Three emails in two weeks, one each from three different dating sites.

To preserve their anonymity, I will call them Flaky Guy, Intense-Angry Cop Guy, and Big Cowboy.

Flaky Guy: He is 55, grown kids, and lives on a lake about an hour or so away. He wrote, but his profile said he was only looking for dating. I said I wasn’t, but thanks anyway. He immediately wrote back, said he was looking for long-term, and begged me not to disappear.

Ok, I figured what the heck? I can keep writing to him and see how it goes. We chatted back and forth for several emails. I asked why he’d written to me without seeing a picture. He didn’t answer that question.

After another couple exchanges Flaky Guy asked, ‘Yep more common ground so what’s the next move?’

I replied, ‘Your call for what’s next. I’m open to meeting. I just looked out the window so I’m getting ready to head out to enjoy the sun! What are your plans for the day? I hope you have a good one!’ But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: Photographic Sabotage

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Oh. My. With my updated profile posted, I’ve been perusing the profiles of available men. Yikes.

This topic was started by my friend Allison, who is also doing the online dating thing. She posted a question on Facebook about the odd photos men use, like posing with fish. This prompted the first part of this post.

I have this advice to offer to men, before asking all of you for help choosing my own profile photos below:

Men, here’s what not to do in your online dating profile photos, and what we think:

Shirtless photos: So many men seem to post photos of themselves without a shirt on. These photos have been taken by pointing their phone in their bathroom mirror (a point of contention for Allison) – with the subject obviously sucking in his stomach and puffing out his chest.

The question: What are we women supposed to find appealing about this? Are we supposed to be so turned on by your naked chest we feel compelled to contact you?

The impression we get: The guy just wants to get laid, and thinks far too much of himself.

Wearing sunglasses and/or a hat in all or most of your photos: Eyes are the window to the soul.

The impression we get: What else is he hiding?

A drink in every photo: In all or most of his photos the guy is holding a drink.

The impression we get: He probably needs A.A.

Photos with a woman draped all over him: Um, have you no class or tact? He’s looking for another girlfriend using a photo of a past girlfriend? Does she even know he’s using a photo of her?

Here’s a new word: cropping. Better yet, TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE – but try not to use the bathroom mirror. Ask a friend to take some.

The impression we get: We wouldn’t go out with the guy lest we end up in the next “selfie with ex-GF” picture he uses.

Poses with fish: So many men pose with fish. WTF? I, too, am confused by this. Is this a Texas thing? Are we supposed to be impressed by his hunter-gatherer skills? I do all my fishing at the grocery store, so maybe I’m missing something.

The impression we get: He likes to spend a lot of time hunting/fishing with the guys. Then I wonder if we will be compatible if you’re so into fishing.

Here’s where you come in: I need your help choosing a few photos of myself. But, wait! There’s more…

UPDATED Online Dating: The Profile

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

First, I want to extend my great thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses!

Your advice was taken to heart. Well, except maybe the ones that said I should just get out while the getting was good. To quote reader Axel, “Go away from the light. My wife says, ‘Is that a light at the end of the tunnel, or a train?'”

And then there is Mike’s dire warning (in the comment below the Taking the Plunge post) about the sex addicts with multiple profiles.

!!!

*blond lemming feels faint, seriously reconsiders online dating*

But, like any good lemming looking for a cliff, I am moving forward with the online dating. At least for now. You never know when that cliff might suddenly appear.

To that end, I have incorporated your suggestions from the comments section below, and from my Facebook page. You may recognize the first paragraph from the profile I used years ago. I had removed it, but when Kathy suggested including my sense of humor, I added that first paragraph back in. I also mentioned the “Bipolar Kitty Test”. Heh.

Here it is: The Profile  But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: I’m Taking the Plunge. Help.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I’m going to do it, I’m going to take The Plunge.

And I want your help.

You probably know from the paragraph I wrote about dating in Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, or my posts on Facebook, that I’m about to join an online dating site. This time I am not under the influence of cold medicine.

So here’s the thing… I have a profile partially set up, but I can’t decide what to write in the text portion. Yeah I know, “I’m a writer.” I should be able to write my profile.

I wrote a draft of a profile the other night. It sort of sucks. Here’s a snippet…

I believe. I’m a hopeless romantic and I believe in love.

Ah, to be In Love, that feeling of two souls combining as one, to make love body and soul, there is no other feeling in the world like it.

That may sound idealistic, but only if you’ve never experienced it before. I believe… No, I know love like that exists because I have felt it.

That is what I’m looking for here: To fall In Love with someone who falls In Love with me, to be cherished and to cherish, to be touched by and to touch another soul. But, wait! There’s more…

Ten Things: Ten More Reasons Dating REALLY Sucks

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

A while back I wrote Ten Things: Ten Reasons Dating Sucks.

Because of my mixed feelings about dating vs. remaining single, I now have ten more reasons dating sucks. And because I’m apparently a glutton for punishment.

single vs relationship

I’m on the “Single” side right now. Rather wary of the opposite sex at the moment.

MamaSteph, in her article Men… Ugh…, put it better than I ever could have…

I am not at all a stupid person, in fact, I like to think of myself as rather smart, but on occasion I do some very stupid things, most of which involve men. I love men, everything about them, wide shoulders, hairy chests, deep voices, big hands, the way they smell… anyway, where was I? Oh yes, for a relatively smart girl I have made some bad choices in men, bad choices, like if stupidity was a crime I would be a lifer with no parole. If I walk into a room with 100 men the ones who hone in on me first are the most unstable, I will then pick the worst one of them to date, it’s a character flaw.

I feel a kindred spirit to this woman, a complete stranger. But she knows me and I know her. Like her, I, too, am not desperate for a relationship, I am single by choice. However, I would welcome the opportunity to share my life and adventures with the right man. Emphasis on RIGHT.

But, wait! There’s more…

How Not to Ask Me For a Date

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Mostly, I get wonderful, sweet and praising emails from you folks. I save them all.

Sometimes the BS I get in my inbox requires a special rant. This is one of those times.

Let's Play Carpenter ..first we'll get hammered and then I'll nail you.

Let's Play Carpenter... or not.

As the Match.com Dating Chronicles and Dating Exiled Royalty attest, my love life has been nothing if not interesting. Dating still seems to me one of the strangest activities. It’s like a prolonged interview, and you don’t really know if there’s even a job for you.

Needless to say, my experiences, especially those with Match.com, have left me leery of dating in general. Most especially of internet dating in particular.

While I do get asked out fairly regularly, it takes a special person and a special request to get a “yes” out of me. In the last two weeks I’ve received several requests over the internet for a date, or a general indication of interest. A couple are worthy of a “Yes”, but we’ll discuss those in the next post.

Would-be suitors take note: Included herein are the don’ts of asking for a date. There are ways to ask a lady out to get a “yes”, and ways to be assured you’re turned down. If you want a quick hookup, just go to the bar and don’t waste her (read: my) time.

Like this article recommends, calling someone over the phone is much better than asking for a date over the internet or, Heaven forbid, via text. If I don’t know you, emailing is appropriate while we get to know each other. However, if I’ve given you my number, a phone call is much better.  Someday you will have to pick up that phone if you want to date me.

The first couple requests for “dates” were from married men I know.  But, wait! There’s more…

The Best Date I’ve Had Since I Joined Match.com

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

After spending a couple hours getting to know each other, I was ready.

Really ready.

I’ve waited a long time for this moment.

Too long.

Taking my time, I slowly warmed her up. Pushing all the right buttons, her fine motor began purring beneath me. I wrapped my hands around her, slowly stroking her, discovering the feel of her, getting to know her better.

She had unexpected strength and power, but she gave over full control to me, completely trusting me. Not one to hold back, she gave me as much as I wanted, as much as I could take.

I wanted all of her, and I was ready to take her to the next level.

With her sweet motor purring beneath me, I But, wait! There’s more…