Oh. My. With my updated profile posted, I’ve been perusing the profiles of available men. Yikes.

This topic was started by my friend Allison, who is also doing the online dating thing. She posted a question on Facebook about the odd photos men use, like posing with fish. This prompted the first part of this post.

I have this advice to offer to men, before asking all of you for help choosing my own profile photos below:

Men, here’s what not to do in your online dating profile photos, and what we think:

Shirtless photos: So many men seem to post photos of themselves without a shirt on. These photos have been taken by pointing their phone in their bathroom mirror (a point of contention for Allison) – with the subject obviously sucking in his stomach and puffing out his chest.

The question: What are we women supposed to find appealing about this? Are we supposed to be so turned on by your naked chest we feel compelled to contact you?

The impression we get: The guy just wants to get laid, and thinks far too much of himself.

Wearing sunglasses and/or a hat in all or most of your photos: Eyes are the window to the soul.

The impression we get: What else is he hiding?

A drink in every photo: In all or most of his photos the guy is holding a drink.

The impression we get: He probably needs A.A.

Photos with a woman draped all over him: Um, have you no class or tact? He’s looking for another girlfriend using a photo of a past girlfriend? Does she even know he’s using a photo of her?

Here’s a new word: cropping. Better yet, TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE – but try not to use the bathroom mirror. Ask a friend to take some.

The impression we get: We wouldn’t go out with the guy lest we end up in the next “selfie with ex-GF” picture he uses.

Poses with fish: So many men pose with fish. WTF? I, too, am confused by this. Is this a Texas thing? Are we supposed to be impressed by his hunter-gatherer skills? I do all my fishing at the grocery store, so maybe I’m missing something.

The impression we get: He likes to spend a lot of time hunting/fishing with the guys. Then I wonder if we will be compatible if you’re so into fishing.

Here’s where you come in: I need your help choosing a few photos of myself.

I do not want to be the female equivalent of the above, or one of those gals who posts “duck lips” photos. I won’t post any of the professional, airbrushed photos like the one used in the header of this blog.

So here goes. I want to two or three, at most. I will number them in the captions so you can vote on them in the comments section.

I chose these because I’d rather not use the best pictures of myself for two reasons: First, I want the guy to like me for what I wrote, and how we interact, rather than how I look. Too many men seem to just click on the photo and write a gal – without caring about who she is or what she wrote about herself and what she’s looking for. Second, if this works as I hope, the guy will (hopefully) be pleasantly surprised once we meet.

Of course, this could be a really dumb idea (and not my first, as you all know): men are visual creatures – even the ones looking for a long-term relationship. I am open to using good or better photos if you all think I should. Just remember it’s a LOT of work to weed out the many just looking for a quick hookup based on a photo.

Please vote for your favorites in the comments by listing the number of the photo in order of your preference (ie: 4, 3, 1, 2). Leave out numbers of any you think I should NOT use. Photos with most votes win posting to the profile.

Read the witty repartee I received before adding photos.