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Online Dating: Photographic Sabotage

Oh. My. With my updated profile posted, I’ve been perusing the profiles of available men. Yikes.

This topic was started by my friend Allison, who is also doing the online dating thing. She posted a question on Facebook about the odd photos men use, like posing with fish. This prompted the first part of this post.

I have this advice to offer to men, before asking all of you for help choosing my own profile photos below:

Men, here’s what not to do in your online dating profile photos, and what we think:

Shirtless photos: So many men seem to post photos of themselves without a shirt on. These photos have been taken by pointing their phone in their bathroom mirror (a point of contention for Allison) – with the subject obviously sucking in his stomach and puffing out his chest.

The question: What are we women supposed to find appealing about this? Are we supposed to be so turned on by your naked chest we feel compelled to contact you?

The impression we get: The guy just wants to get laid, and thinks far too much of himself.

Wearing sunglasses and/or a hat in all or most of your photos: Eyes are the window to the soul.

The impression we get: What else is he hiding?

A drink in every photo: In all or most of his photos the guy is holding a drink.

The impression we get: He probably needs A.A.

Photos with a woman draped all over him: Um, have you no class or tact? He’s looking for another girlfriend using a photo of a past girlfriend? Does she even know he’s using a photo of her?

Here’s a new word: cropping. Better yet, TAKE ANOTHER PICTURE – but try not to use the bathroom mirror. Ask a friend to take some.

The impression we get: We wouldn’t go out with the guy lest we end up in the next “selfie with ex-GF” picture he uses.

Poses with fish: So many men pose with fish. WTF? I, too, am confused by this. Is this a Texas thing? Are we supposed to be impressed by his hunter-gatherer skills? I do all my fishing at the grocery store, so maybe I’m missing something.

The impression we get: He likes to spend a lot of time hunting/fishing with the guys. Then I wonder if we will be compatible if you’re so into fishing.

Here’s where you come in: I need your help choosing a few photos of myself.

I do not want to be the female equivalent of the above, or one of those gals who posts “duck lips” photos. I won’t post any of the professional, airbrushed photos like the one used in the header of this blog.

So here goes. I want to two or three, at most. I will number them in the captions so you can vote on them in the comments section.

Various photos of me

Photo 1 (spring 2013)

IMG_0460

Photo 2 (spring 2013, This one I’ve sent to a couple guys already.)

StJoIslandTX

Photo 3 (2013. This one is breaking my rule about sunglasses and hats, but I will use two others without to compensate.)

Me at The Slabs 11-2011

Photo 4 (from 2011)

In jail again, err, I mean Here's the jail

Photo 5 (winter 2011)

Me, Port A 2013

Photo 6 (fall 2013) I considered not including this one in the poll. While my friend touched up my hair and skin (blonder, darker), I look chunky in this photo. Not so much in real life.

I chose these because I’d rather not use the best pictures of myself for two reasons: First, I want the guy to like me for what I wrote, and how we interact, rather than how I look. Too many men seem to just click on the photo and write a gal – without caring about who she is or what she wrote about herself and what she’s looking for. Second, if this works as I hope, the guy will (hopefully) be pleasantly surprised once we meet.

Of course, this could be a really dumb idea (and not my first, as you all know): men are visual creatures – even the ones looking for a long-term relationship. I am open to using good or better photos if you all think I should. Just remember it’s a LOT of work to weed out the many just looking for a quick hookup based on a photo.

Please vote for your favorites in the comments by listing the number of the photo in order of your preference (ie: 4, 3, 1, 2). Leave out numbers of any you think I should NOT use. Photos with most votes win posting to the profile.

Read the witty repartee I received before adding photos.

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40 comments to Online Dating: Photographic Sabotage

  • crystal

    6* (*I think you look healthy in 6 AND it’s recent!), 2, and 5.. I don’t personally like the sunglass pics.

  • Two and six. Classy and attractive. Send the right message.

    • Thank you, Sweetie! Glad to see you here! Just did a little perusing of your blog(s)… Sorry I’ve been remiss in my blog-reading! You could probably give me a lot of advice about this process! I like how you weeded out ones who emailed too many times but didn’t ask for your number or asked you out. I’m n the middle of that now, too. One didn’t even give me his name after WAY TOO MANY emails, but did give his phone. He’s starting to creep me out. More about him in the next post.

  • Robert Slaughter

    5 (cropped), 4, 1, 2

  • Richard

    22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222

  • Richard

    maybe you should be holding a rifle. LOLOLOL

  • Carmen

    In order by preference:

    2: 6: and 4, while 4 has sunglasses, it’s a good picture of you, very pretty lady and do not accept less than you’re worth.

  • 2 is gorgeous, in all your sun-kissed splendor. I like 5 a lot too, but I think you should be closer. Maybe enlarge and crop? And I think you look fine in 6. So any of those three.

    Problem is that I think most of these here would make dudes want to date you, regardless of your profile.
    bluzdude’s last post ..Weird Bits

  • Dennis Fleming

    5,and yes crop it.
    1, it shows your innate quirkiness which is much of who you are.
    4, the real you shows through the glasses.

    2 and 6 do not show the girl I personally know. (And the ghost hand below your left elbow in 6 is kind of creepy, and what was that about having the ex hanging on your shoulder?)

    • Dennis, you are so observant!!

      I wondered if anyone would notice that I cropped out someone. However, it was a lady friend, but I guess that’s hard to tell.

      This makes me wonder if I’ve made the same mistake thinking a cropped out person was a different gender!

  • Thank you all SO much! I really appreciate your help. Honestly, it means a lot to me! I wish I could just marry all of you! xo :)

    Ok, here are the winners in order of your preference as of 1/8/14 at 2pm Central:

    2 and 6 tied for 1st place.
    5 came in 2nd.
    4 and 1 tied for 3rd.

    For those who asked, yes I think I look like all of those – but just less tan and less blond because it’s winter.

  • Trey Rogers

    I like two and six as so many others, classy photos equal classy lady. That is not to say the fun photos aren’t wonderful and smiles are always great. I raised three daughters or should I say my wife raised them and I supplied the needed funds for curling & straightening irons, I never understood why both were needed and only received rolls of my girls eyes when I asked. As to say poor old short haired man you understand so very little. The one thing that I that I taught my girls when teenagers was that “All Men Are Pigs” I admitt that even after thirty years of marriage to my wonderful wife I still have swine moments myself. I understand that dating sites are a fine place to meet people but please be carfull, they can be a virtual pig pen. I enjoy your blog way too much to have anything happen to you. My daughters are now all married and as with most things I taught them they worked hard to prove me wrong. They married men much better then their father. Not one of their husbands have so much as a curly tail. My son in laws are great, kind and honorable, I love it when a plan comes together. That is my hope for you too that you find a man who will treat you as the the witty, smart, kind (animal lover) and beautiful person you are. You deserve it. Pass over the pigs and find a man. Thank you for your fun blog.

    • Trey, thank YOU for the lovely compliments! You have made my morning! :)

      I still have hope about the online dating thing, but it is slowly waning already. Part of the problem is I’m in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Any decent-sized city is at least 45 minutes away. The biggies are 1.5 hours. So the pickings are slim.

      But the bigger problem is I’m already running into those pigs you mentioned. *sigh* I’m running out of the mental stamina needed to deal with them. Since posting pics, I’ve been flooded with the equivalent of “winks”, and a few emails. But, most of those emails are seriously lacking in substance. I’m not even counting the two kids young enough to be my sons.

  • Andy G!

    2,3,5,6. Don’t crop, highest resolution you can use. If they want a close-up they can zoom in.

  • B Beck Rountree

    I vote for 5 & 6. Five is who “I” know, you look fit and casual, and I think the photo is appealing without being provocative. It shows one end of the ‘spectrum’ of being ‘dressy or casual, and is not ‘fake’ or misleading. I like 6 because it shows that you have a young, sweet feminine look saying “I can dress up if I need to and look fabulous!” If you wanted another photo, think about sports you enjoy, perhaps with golf gear, or while attending a venue of interest, rodeo, museum, in a boat, etc. that shows that you like to be active. Show one playing with your cat, or something from the dance tonight, …… an activity! Sounds like fun! Hugz!

    • Thanks, Becky! I wish you were coming to Port A!! I’m not going to be there for the dance tonight, I’m in Hill Country taking a ride on a Jackelope (sadly, that is NOT a euphemism for a hot guy named Jack – it is a horse-sized Jackelope).

      I’ve got an up date on the photo situation coming shortly. It’s been an adventure after only 24 hours. *sigh*

  • Clarke Morris

    2, 6. These are the two best ones in my opinion. Wishing you the best with this. I met my wife online almost 10 years ago and we celebrated our 8th anniversary last year and have a 6 1/2 year old daughter.

  • Clarke Morris

    Hey, don’t worry about just meeting guys real close by. I am in Washington State and my wife is from the Philippines (7,260 miles away when we met online). If something is meant to be, it will, and will find a way :)

  • travelfables

    I like all of them, except don’t post the one with the boat in it, if you don’t want dudes with fish :)

  • travelfables

    Just things I see. In number 4 you have bi-polar angel/demon wings (via the camp chair) and in the last one, the Will-o-the-whips are visiting your lovely skirt. This is why I don’t do this online dating stuff. I couldn’t imagine fitting in a an appropriate box.

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