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Online Dating: I'm Taking the Plunge. Help.

I’m going to do it, I’m going to take The Plunge.

And I want your help.

You probably know from the paragraph I wrote about dating in Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, or my posts on Facebook, that I’m about to join an online dating site. This time I am not under the influence of cold medicine.

So here’s the thing… I have a profile partially set up, but I can’t decide what to write in the text portion. Yeah I know, “I’m a writer.” I should be able to write my profile.

I wrote a draft of a profile the other night. It sort of sucks. Here’s a snippet…

I believe. I’m a hopeless romantic and I believe in love.

Ah, to be In Love, that feeling of two souls combining as one, to make love body and soul, there is no other feeling in the world like it.

That may sound idealistic, but only if you’ve never experienced it before. I believe… No, I know love like that exists because I have felt it.

That is what I’m looking for here: To fall In Love with someone who falls In Love with me, to be cherished and to cherish, to be touched by and to touch another soul.

No hookups, no casual dating, no “well maybe someday I’ll get serious and remarry”. If you aren’t emotionally available now, please skip this profile.

Can you truly let go and open your heart and soul to another?….

That’s only about half of it. And that is plenty, trust me.

It wasn’t really for posting to a profile, but included a bunch of the concepts and phrases that were floating around in my head. I thought writing it down would help me to formulate a great profile, but it didn’t help at all. While the piece is moving in its entirety – at least from my point of view – it sort of sucks as a dating profile. It sounds too intense or too something for online dating purposes. Heck, I wouldn’t want to date me if that was all I had to go on.

Here are a few important items:

  • I want my profile to describe me and the man I’m looking for as best as possible, but not be so lengthy the candidates won’t read it.
  • I may not post any photos, or maybe just crappy ones, in hope of attracting someone interested in knowing who I am more than what I look like.
  • I’m a hopeless romantic only interested in marriage or, at the very least, a long term relationship.
  • But relationships sometimes scare me to the point of panic and anxiety. Seriously. I want a man who can be my rock when I’m scared, who can be calmly reassuring, who can lend me his strength until I find mine again. (I’m screwed, aren’t I?)
  • I’m adventurous, loyal, honest, curious, passionate, compassionate, affectionate, funny, smart… looking for same.
  • I like traveling, beaches, chocolate, exploring, learning, meditating, reading, fine dining…

(But when I start writing a profile like that it sounds like a generic laundry-list dating profile. And you probably stopped reading this because it’s already too long.)

Here’s where you come in. Men and women, I want to hear from both sides.

What are your suggestions for writing a profile?

If you’ve ever tried online dating, what did you look for in the profile text?

What things made you reject a profile?

Was there anything in a profile that made you think someone was only looking for “short-term” or casual dating, even if they said otherwise?

My friend recently said she hates bathroom-mirror selfies that men use in profiles. Those don’t bother me, but the shirtless ones do. Not that I don’t like seeing a hot, half naked man, but a shirtless photo taken in the mirror just says to me, “I’m a guy looking to get laid” or “I’m completely narcissistic.” Lots of photos with a drink in his/her hand suggests, “Practicing alcoholic.” What are the types of poses or photos women use that send a message? (Think “duck lips” selfies, etc.)

If someone writes a long profile, do you read it all or do you mostly go by the photos?

I’m looking forward to your comments. (If you want to send me a private message, you can email me at justsayomm at gmail.)

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16 comments to Online Dating: I’m Taking the Plunge. Help.

  • Mike

    Have met a ton of women who are very good at whitewashing the fence, but the wood was rotten. I would work with the intro, and remove half of the love parts. Everyone knows what dating people want. avoid references to sex. Everyone knows we all want sex. Unless they want money. Some want money lol. What i found over time was half the people on match or more are also on the sex pool site, looking for one nighters and then on match or POF playing the upstanding citizen. So make a blank account at AFF, passion etc. its all the same data warehouse regardless of the name. then cross check everyone. If you get serious about someone, pay for a background check and a web search. There are a lot of people with violent pasts that cycle through all the dating sites. But last of all download Blendr onto your phone. You have to verify, but its nice for office waits or just chatting and meeting new people. copy and past the same intro etc onto there. Post a good photo or two and date them. Nothing is worse than a first meeting and finding out their photo is 15 yrs old. Most important: Just be yourself. If that’s not good enough now, it wont be in the future, and you dont need someone who picked you because of some bit of ad or polish thats not you.

  • Tony Lizut

    You took the words right out of my head , Mike !!!

  • I agree that you should remove references to having sex, because for many, once they see that, the rest is lost, and they assume they can roll you into bed immediately.

    I may be an anomaly, but when I used Match, I pored over every sentence to try to construct who the person was.

    • Yeah, I agree. That’s one of the reasons I felt that first part was never going to make it as a profile.

      Glad to hear some men are interested in reading the whole profile! Thanks, Bluz, that’s good info.

  • Carmen

    I first suggestion would be to drop the “to make” love body and soul to “love body and soul” for me it’s advertizing you want to get laid, while getting laid isn’t a bad thing, it’s having creeps who think that is all you want. Skip the panic and anxiety, let them figure that one out later. My husband had the joy of finding out I was bipolar along with me..lol, but he did get warned that I had days I didn’t like being around me much less expect anyone else too.

    for the profile: (edits on what you have)

    I like traveling, exploring and adventures of all kinds. Interested in romance, long term relationship and possible marriage. If that doesn’t scare the one night stands there is not to much that will.

    honest, curious, passionate, compassionate, affectionate, funny and smart… looking for same.

    As for the picture? while I have met my husband on line (13 years of marriage) I didn’t meet him on one of the date sites…(it was a site for single and sober people trying to figure out how to meet someone in a world that didn’t include a 151 and coke) The picture I sent him of my was one of the worst that I could have had, my brother took it of me when I was sick with the flu, wearing my favorite pair of stained faded sweats. Hair all over the place..lol, for you though I would recommend something that is not too sexual, maybe a candid shot someone took of you. Have you looked at the different RV sites and seen if they have a singles list? some of them do although I can’t remember which ones. Good luck with your search, remind them up to date pictures, if you can’t tell it’s them from a distance, you don’t need to be having a drink with them, I knew exactly what mine was suppose to look like, any thing less, would have been a “see ya”

    • Yeah, like I said in the post, I knew that whole piece did not make the cut as a profile.

      You really think I should nix the panic stuff? Some men freak out at the first sign of it, and I’d rather weed them out now and not waste my time. Sadly, the reference to an LTR has never deterred the ones looking for a hookup. *sigh* That’s what made me wonder if guys even read it.

      The pic you posted sounds hilarious! I’m looking for crappy ones of me to use: causally dressed, carrying water-weight, and having a bad hair day.

      I am a member of one of those RV singles sites, but there’s not much dating that happens with us all being spread out around the country. What’s that single and sober one called? I’m long done with practicing alchies.

  • As another single RVer, I’ve Been following your blog for a time, and I’ll be interested in knowing how your new jaunt with on-line dating goes.
    So post full reports :).
    We RVers are often unique enough to not fit in the pre-conceived “shopping list mantra” that on-line dating seems to require.
    The whole concept of: you must fit in this box, she must fit in that one , that dude with this ip address must fit in this funky one, It just has not ever worked for me.
    I’ve never found that real-connection is about an algorithm trying to match a wish-list in bullet text. Heck, even AI-bots I’ve built for fun with AIML code evolve out of that “fit in a box” stuff when their base personalty forms.
    I know some that have made the online dating thing work. I’m still way curious as to how.!? Your blog is in my feeds , so looking forward to the full report :)

    • Hi, TravelFables! Thanks for reading and posting a comment. By the way, great photos on your site. (Great email handle, too :)
      Yes, it is such a unique lifestyle we lead, it is a bit harder to find a compatible mate – with an RV compatible lifestyle. *sigh*
      I, too, know many who’ve met and married online. I’ve tried the online dating thing in the past, with humorous results. I want that special someone to share this great journey with. Well, if not a great romance, I suspect I’ll find blog fodder. LOL

  • Richard

    Welllllllllllllll, for one it’s really hard to imagine you having to go on a web site to find someone, as i have known you, i fell for you the moment i saw you but our life’s were on different paths. But i suggest(and only a suggestion,LOL) oh what the heck i really can’t even suggest. Your a big girl and seemed and are very smart, witty, beautiful, and any man would be blessed to with you. So my profile would be, ” Hi, i am just me and guess you would have to meet me to find out” LOL but hey that’s the way i am. Remember, Keep It Simple. Remember the path and share it with someone on that same path.

    • Richard, you are a sweetheart!! You warm my heart! :)
      I’m almost ready with a profile to post. You’re not the first person to say keep is simple. I need to trim it a bit before posting.
      I hope our paths do cross again! xo

  • Kathy

    I would love to read something a little more YOU. your sense of humor and adventure. Less about what you’re looking for, and more about what you have to give… which is A LOT. I agree with Richard, that any guy who meets you is amazingly lucky to get to know you.

    Then I would warn them they’ll have to pass the bipolar kitty test. Don’t tell them what it is, though. Just that you’ll let them know if they pass. LOL. Keep em on their toes. :)

    Good luck! And happy new year!

    • Thank you, Kathy! YOU are amazing and Mark is a lucky guy!

      Ok, I’ll add more about me, and will mention the lucky chosen ones will have to pass the “Bipolar Kitty Test”! LOL Well, that sure oughta narrow down the respondents to only the most serious!! HAHAHAA

      Thank you, and Happy New Year to you and yours!

  • Richard

    thanks xoxoxoxo just one more advice or maybe two or etc etc LOLOL just joking, remember the first three stairs. :):):):):):) yes prayerfully in my travels this summer while playing music we shall meet. God Bless.

  • […] Online Dating: I’m Taking the Plunge. Help. […]

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