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By Kernut, on April 12th, 2011%
 Smart women prefer cats. This is from the Pickles cartoon strip by Brian Crane. He's probably very smart. His work is at http://comics.com/pickles/ Well, it’s been an interesting (read: weird and dull) couple of weeks with my latest Match.com escapades. (This is post number gazillion in my Match.com misadventures.) I’ve noticed a similarity between almost all of the interested men on Match.com: They will make an attempt to schedule a date, including one specific date and time with their request. In the event that ONE date and time don’t work with my schedule I return an alternate date or set of dates.
Then *crickets*
They fall off the face of the Earth and I don’t hear from them again.
???
Here’s the latest update on my Match.com Misadventures…
Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Matches Couldn’t Start A Fire With Gasoline and A Lighter
By Kernut, on March 28th, 2011%
Maybe the matches will light a fire and flush out the good ones on Match.com.
 This is totally what it's like. (If this is your first time here, the Match.com Misadventures starts with this post.)
Since my prospects were dwindling on Match.com, I’ve taken to contacting men first. Some I just send a wink to, and others I email.
I’m only initiating contact because when I polled you all, you said it wasn’t going to negatively impact the potential relationship.
That, and I’m desperate to find good matches.
Here are the matches with whom I’m currently playing…
Zen Biker Guy – (He wrote to me first.) He’s 50, lives in the mountains, loves his dog, and has a dreaded Harley. This Harley is of the “Lone Wolf” variety. This means it’s set up for only one rider – him. He’s divorced, no kids, eats healthy, doesn’t drink, and is hugely into meditation – all pluses. I’ll overlook the Lone Wolf Harley for those pluses.
Our first date was a coffee date. He didn’t look like his pictures (older, heavier, dressed much worse), but close enough that I could still recognize him. He is a big talker; I could hardly get a word in edge-wise. He arrived for the date covered in dirt, after dirt-bike riding right before the date. Apparently he wasn’t concerned with putting on a clean shirt and pants. Or first impressions.
Don’t stop now! Continue reading Playing With Matches on Match.com
By Kernut, on March 9th, 2011%
<rant on> (That’s code for “the following is more rant than post”, thankyouverymuch. That’s also a disclaimer. I just need to get this out so I can move on with the dating. If you’re new here, I Joined Match.com. I blame the cold medicine is the first in this series, and continues with Adventures in Online Dating, then Match.com The Odds Are Good That the Goods Are Odd, and Time To Light A Match.com. We are now at post number five, a rant. The others are better.
You are under no obligation to read further, but your assistance with the question at the end is greatly appreciated.)
This is terrible.
Just terrible.
I’m becoming jaded. Jaded by the lack-luster, creepy, freaky, sex-starved oddballs who contact me on Match. Very few bother to read my profile. Very. few.
 Where people look. (Totally borrowed from a site that also borrowed it. Unfortunately, I don't know the origin.) How Not To Match.com
First off, just don’t join. When I started this it was to honestly find someone to date, and with whom to hopefully form a nice, long-term relationship. Now I’m fighting becoming jaded. And I’m not sure I’m succeeding.
While it takes a LOT of weeding through garbage to find the nice guys in the mix, it seems hardly worth it when you have to contend with the buggy, glitchy software, and the crappy Match.com interface.
- It automatically sends “winks” as if they’re from me! To people at whom I would not choose to wink.
- Match selects a “Daily 5″ and also emails another set of so-called matches, supposedly based on your preferences. Not. The only thing these “matches” have in common with my preferences was the fact they were male. Many are not even in my desired area. Don’t stop now! Continue reading How Not To Match.com
By Kernut, on March 1st, 2011%
It’s time to light a match – it’s starting to stink on Match.com.
This is part four (I think, but I’m starting to lose count) of my Match.com Adventures. Part three is Match.com: The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd.
Here are the latest two guys from Match.com:
Chatty Guy, is in high tech, has four kids, and likes to dominate the conversation. We had a first date, lunch at a local chain restaurant. There are no big pluses in his court, but he does have a few minuses: He bashed his ex on our two dates, he talks over me all. the. time., and he lied about his age (said 49, but is 52).
Normally, lying about age is grounds for immediate disqualification in my book, but I’ve since began to wonder if perhaps I’m still single at my ripe old age because I might be a tad too picky. With this in mind I polled my friends and readers on Facebook and here’s what they said:
 Lied About Age Guy part 1 Don’t stop now! Continue reading Time To Light A Match.com – UPDATED
By Kernut, on February 21st, 2011%
If this is your first time here, Welcome! And also I’m Sorry.
This is post number three in the saga of my online dating experience. You can start crying for me anytime. Read these to get caught up: First, I joined Match.com , and second, Adventures In Dating Part 1.
 No, you're not a stalker, you're just lonely and looking for an instant girlfriend. How do you all like my new Match.com slogan? “The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd”
And boy are they odd.
Biker Boy is a Jekyll and Hyde. He’s either all clingy with me, sending me tons of emails and calling me several times the same day, whining I’m dating others while we get to know each other, or completely selfish, controlling, and downright rude. After turning down his last minute request for dinner the morning of Valentine’s Day, he proceeded to email me several times and call me twice that evening. The evening I said I was going to be out.
As if this wasn’t enough, the next morning when I check email for the first time since the day before, I find several emails from him, and this one: ‘Wassup? You pissed? insulted? Done? Or none of the above? How are you today?’ All because I didn’t respond while I was out???
In my reply I asked if he’d forgotten I had plans (did he not remember I turned down his date that very morning??). I explained being out with a friend means I don’t answer the phone – unless it’s important. My mother taught me it’s impolite to your guest/present company. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Match.com: The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd
By Kernut, on February 14th, 2011%
My life has been nothing if not full of adventures.
The dating segment of my life accounts for much of that.
Remember that guy you all said I should go ahead and contact first? Most of you already know I did, and he wrote back. The funny thing is it turns out we have a few friends in common. He’s only lived in California six months so I just haven’t run into him yet. So I probably didn’t need to spend $60 on Match.com to meet him. *sigh*
He’s a year older, divorced, and he’s gainfully employed (whew, one of us should be). Of course, he has one of the aforementioned Harleys. A really nice one. I’ll admit, I have a fondness for Harleys. It’s hard not to notice a nice one, and to know a hot man wields all that power between his legs.
*time passes*
Oh, hello. What are you doing here? Right! I was talking about my dates.
Gees, I’m such a bike slut. I really do like other things about him and would be interested even if he didn’t have a bike. I’m not THAT superficial.
He at least took the time to read my profile. Not many others did… Don’t stop now! Continue reading Adventures In Online Dating Part One
By Kernut, on February 9th, 2011%
Yes, I did. I joined Match.com. Again. I’m not well. I blame the cold medicine that got me to join the Booty Camp to which I’m now addicted. Those two things are related. No, I don’t know how.
It’s been about seven years and I’d forgotten about this part: I’ve got more Match.com emails and winks than I can respond to. There are many sweet guys on there who’ve written me. It’s really nice. And about time I got some interested attention from an emotionally available man. At least I think they’re emotionally available.
I know it’s only because I’m the “fresh meat” on the market that I’m getting all this attention and it will level out soon, but Holy Horny Ones Batman! I feel such pressure to respond.
Thank you to those of you who suggested I email that guy who caught my eye. He’s already responded FOUR times to my one. I think he likes me. Or he’s desperate. Huh.
Some of you, ok ONE of you, expressed an interest in the details of my profile. (The rest of you are under no obligation to keep reading.) Here’s a snippet…
 I'm on cold medicine in this picture. (I couldn’t decide on an opening line, so I chose both. I’m like that with restaurant menus, too.) Don’t stop now! Continue reading I Joined Match.com. Again. I Blame The Cold Medicine.
By Kernut, on December 26th, 2010%
Once Upon A Time, I Rescued A Pigeon.
 A pigeon named Spot. And I named him Spot.
When I first met Spot he was walking across a six-lane street during rush hour, headed towards the median. Cars were whizzing by him, but he seemed not to notice the imminent danger.
Or maybe he just didn’t care. (This will make sense later, just consider it Clue #1.)
Most people slowed down to let him pass, but no one stopped. Something was obviously wrong – he wasn’t even trying to fly as he ambled in front of the moving cars. I couldn’t believe no one was stopping to help him.
Well, I’m a sucker for a wounded animal, or a man with issues. It must be the caretaker in me.
I pulled over, and captured the pigeon in a towel. (A pity it isn’t so easy to capture a man.) I put him inside a box I had in my car. The pigeon, not a man. Unfortunately. Don’t stop now! Continue reading A Pigeon Named Spot
By Kernut, on November 2nd, 2010%
For Ten Things Tuesday, a Dating Rant…
Ten Reasons Dating Sucks
A.k.a. Ten Reasons Not to Divorce, which could lead to dating. Just like smoking, dating can be dangerous for your health.
If you’re single, you’ve probably experienced many of these yourself. I would love to hear your stories in the comments. Considering divorce? Well, here’s what life would be like once you were ready to date again…
1. People are weird. That’s it. Myself included. After a certain age, the shallow end of the gene pool is what’s left.
2. And unless you’re still young and innocent, you’ve probably become choosy, not unlike myself. When I was 20, I didn’t know what I liked or wanted in a significant other, but thought I did. Now I’m XX older, and know exactly what I like and want in a significant other. When they say ‘Ignorance is bliss’, they aren’t kidding. The hard part is knowing.
3. This could happen to you: I seem to attract either married/separated men or those with severe head injuries. I wish I was kidding. As an ex-P.I., I’ve learned to run background checks on potential partners. There are some scary-ass criminals on Match.com, and they always seemed to find my profile. I think it’s my superpower, which is also my kryptonite: My blond hair. It attracts all kinds. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Ten Reasons Dating Sucks
By Kernut, on October 26th, 2010%
For Ten Things Tuesday… You get a Ten Things Bonus Round!
neato.
Ten Things I Like About Being Single
1. My stuff is always where I left it. Unless the cat moves it or eats it. Very rare.
2. The cat doesn’t much care how the house looks. Probably why she’s still here.
3. No one asks me where I’m going or what I’m doing.
4. I don’t have to “check in” with anyone. Well, ‘cept maybe the cat.
5. I can take a vacation to anywhere I want, anytime I want.
6. I don’t worry about how well someone is or isn’t taking care of themselves. (This is kind of a biggie with me, being a moderate health nut and codependent and all.)
7. Meals are easy: Eaten while standing at the counter where it was just made, or in front of the tv or computer. Also means fewer dishes to wash.
8. The remote is mine, all MINE. I watch whatever I want on TV, whenever I want, every. time.
9. Never worrying about what I am or am not wearing to bed.
10. The wonderful, beautiful peace and quiet. This is priceless.
Ten Things I Don’t Like About Being Single Don’t stop now! Continue reading Ten Things I Like About Being Single And Ten Things I Don’t
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