It’s as I suspected: The creeps came out of the woodwork once I posted photos.

I had my photos up for about 24 hours, but took them down because of the idiot factor. Holy Illiteracy, Batman! I doubt I have the stamina to deal with the creeps, but nothing is more detestable to me than a half-sentence email from someone who didn’t bother to take a moment to read my profile…

A 38 year-old fireman from Hill Country sent “How r u”.

Ah, a literate one. He is also seeking women “18-99”.

And here I thought my fifteen-year dating range was generous.

A 49 year-old from far away, with pics showing off his toys/wealth, “HELLO”.

A 45 year-old, who lives fairly close, looking for someone to have fun with sent, “hi how are you doing today,,im (name).” WTF? Don’t they teach capitalization and punctuation in school anymore??

Holy Crap. There are many more examples like this. These “men”, for lack of a better word, obviously did not read my profile. Equally as obvious: they’re only looking for one thing – and they’re not even willing to put in much effort for that.

The 20-somethings also came out of the woodwork. It’s flattering to know, especially as I start to notice my own wrinkles, cellulite, and sagging skin, that I’m attractive to the younger generation. Unfortunately, I just can’t see having anything long-term with someone to whom I could’ve been their scandalously-young teenage mother.

A 34 year-old, looking for women 28-55 actually wrote a few full sentences in a row, “Hello, how are you doing? Its nice seeing you on here. You are a beautiful lady.”

But he obviously didn’t read  my profile. He’s far outside my age and distance range. And he looks like he’s about 24.

All of these came from one of the three sites I am testing, evow.com, for people who want to get married and are seriously seeking their mate. Apparently there is NO screening process in place and no way to filter emails by age.

The other two sites aren’t much better. On one that does have filters, the guy has to have a photo to contact me. So what do I get? A photo taken from the neck down of a man in his underwear. Apparently he was rather proud of his half-naked I-took-this-in-the-mirror-selfie because he also sent a shot of his face.

No shame. None.

I didn’t need additional confirmation these guys are only looking to get laid as easily as possible, but I got it in the form of an article written by another writer and online dater.

My friend and fellow blogger at Wordjanitor, sent the following article along with the caveat, “In reference to your posts, you GOTTA read this. Hilarious. And, oh yes… Run. Run fast. Drop the keyboard and RUN.”

Writer Alli Reed says it far better than I in her article 4 Things I Learned From the Worst Online Dating Profile Ever.

I got the feeling that a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile, but the optimist in me wanted to believe that there was a limit. Maybe there was a woman so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikeable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her. …

I did not accomplish my goal.

As Alli says in her article, ‘Or I could follow my first instinct as these messages began to roll in, which was to invest in a high-quality chastity belt and start collecting cats.’

Yup, that sounds good. I’m off to a good start with Pye (she’s like two or three cats in one).

Embrace your inner cat lady!

Now, where do I get that chastity belt?

Next up, I take commenter Mike’s advice and create a profile on one of those sex/hookup sites so I can check up on anyone I’m interested in.

UPDATE: So far, there hasn’t been any even worthy of a date and background check. Fear not, there is plenty more: The Hunter-Gatherer Principle, and Oh, my. Well, this explains a lot.