Online Dating: Oh, my. Well, this explains a lot. — 19 Comments

  1. Let me help you out with this.

    A. You are smoking hot.


    B. Any guy who isn’t jumping through hoops to impress you/meet you is married or incarcerated.


    • Welcome, Shawn, to my little spot on the web!
      And thank you for the compliments! I’m a bit less “smoking hot” when not airbrushed, but I’ll take it! 🙂
      Annnnd thanks for adding the incarcerated angle — I hadn’t considered that one. *shudder*

  2. Hi, ok so after my first wife passed and before I met Eliza I did the on line thing. I love strong, tough, intelligent, women who are a bit insane. That is Eliza how ever we both feel like you do with this blog. Make sure your profile spells out what you want! Guys don’t get hints! Does your profile say something like ” Men who are too afraid to make the first move and treat me like a lady need not apply”

    • Hi Rick! Thanks for commenting 🙂 Ok, I confess: I had a crush on you before you got married. Had I only known then you liked ‘strong, tough, intelligent women who are a bit insane’, I would’ve overlooked the distance factor! 😉 Eliza is a lucky gal!
      Ok, back to the topic…
      Yes, I’ve spelled out a great deal in my very long profile, including a statement that says I’m a bit old fashioned, and feel the man should write first. In another area, I mention I’m not interested in endless emailing. I put it politely, but maybe I should be a bit harsh in my statement.
      However, only the good ones bother to read the profile in the first place. I suspect they’re also the type to actually email first, and man-up and ask a gal for a date.

  3. ummm.. are you REALLY a blonde… I like blonds…do you like Texas…I like Texas… what is your favorite food… I don’t like liver… when we meet for dinner do I have to pay… I don’t mind paying…. can my kitty come along with us… I’m kinda shy and need moral support… oh.. did I ask you out YET??? silly me… luv yur stuff! 😉

    • Hello, Jef! Thank you for the compliments on my writing. 😉
      I was wondering the other day what I would have if given the opportunity for a last meal; I couldn’t decide. Dessert would have to be something chocolate. Sure, your kitty can hang with my kitty. I hope yours doesn’t mind mine is a bit crazy.

  4. Another commenter Shawn pretty much stated exactly what I have been thinking. In my town you would beating off suitors with a stick. I dunno what’s wrong with the blokes in your neighbourhood…

    • Hi, Coop! Thanks for the compliments! 🙂
      I’m not sure what’s wrong with the guys in my area, either. I do get “hit on,” but it’s usually by guys who are too busy drooling to even strike up a conversation with me. (Really, I’m not nearly as attractive as that airbrushed photo in the header.) Or they like to drink a lot.
      Sooo, where is your neighborhood with all the eligible men? I might be moving soon…

      • 🙂 I have been following your blog for ages and I have a pretty good idea of what you look like – don’t sell yourself short.

        I’m in Johannesburg, South Africa. Don’t plan a move too soon, it’s sadly not the paradise that it used to be. I’m also planning a move soon.

        • Thank you for being a long-time reader 🙂 I can only guess things must get a bit slow down there that you’d stick around my blog so long. 😉

          I’ve only been out of the US a few times, and never to South Africa. It’s on my bucket list, but after reading your comment about it, maybe I’ll move it down a few rungs.

          If you plan to leave South Africa, check out the US, especially Texas. It’s so different from the rest of the US, it’s like a whole different country.

  5. You are so sweet and if it wasn’t for the distance I would have asked you out to catch up. More on topic what is up with people not reading profiles? I’ve had people on FB ask me a question which is on my FB profile? I do know that on dating sites women tend to read profiles more than men do. Men are visual and women are cognitive , however if you are interested in someone why would you not want to know everything about them? Are these paid or free ones and is there a difference that you have noticed? In public do you flirt? Or let guys make the first move? Is that a different blog?

    • 😉
      It’s funny, I just had a guy tell me no women read the profiles. He put an odd word in his Interests section, and I asked him what it meant. He told me it was made up, just to see if anyone read the profile. He also said I was the first to notice and ask. Whoa.
      It doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s free or paid. The pay sites are relatively inexpensive, anyway. However, I suspect high-end (expensive) sites probably have a much better success rate. Money weeds out a level of losers — not all, though.
      I think the good guys out there do read the whole profile. I’m just not sure how many are online.
      I do flirt in public – sometimes. Sometimes I’m shy, but I also have NO GAME. None. I wouldn’t know what to say. “Hi, can you squeeze this melon and tell me if it’s ripe?” See what I mean?
      I’ve tried making the first move at times throughout my life – and have always regretted it. It seems to set the wrong tone if I do any of the asking out. I think that’s what Patti is talking about. Women acting like men, and men acting like women.

  6. Very well researched and written. Really only one point I’d correct. Men have developed Manginas, and yes, they should lose them.


    • Hi Chuck! Sadly, the “research” is beginning to take it’s toll on my level of interest. Even when I find a man who appears actively interested, they often drift away. Was it something I said?! LOL

    • Not at all. The main differences in my experience are this: Three years ago I used a major pay-to-play site in a major CA city vs. Now, on a major free site in small-town TX.

      Some of the differences between the experiences can be contributed to major city vs. small-town, i.e.: far fewer respondents, even when I change my zip code to a larger city’s.

      BUT, I have noticed a huge down-shift by men in general in their level of enthusiasm and willingness to move out of “email mode”. This also applies to men I meet in person. I do get the occasional “hes-not-my-type but can’t take ‘No’ for an answer” over-zealous type of pursuer, but I am rarely pursued by men to whom I am attracted, and interested in – although that is a short list.

      I think this laziness has more to do with the current culture than anything else. In my opinion, Patti Sanger made some valid points (see previous post Oh, my. Well, well this explains a lot.)

  7. Is it you are not pursued my men whom you are attracted to or are you not attracted to men when they pursue? For some women the sexiest thing about some guys is a wedding ring or if women meet men who date out of their league other women become way more interested? Just a thought

    • No, no… I want them to pursue me, but they just aren’t.

      Some men to whom I’ve indicated an interest (through generic objects on the dating site) have not contacted me. I’ve already indicated an interest, and if they’re not interested in return, oh well.

      But, there have been several men (I’ve written about them in previous episodes of the Online Dating Chronicles) who contacted me, and we seemed to have a great email conversation, but the men never went past email — they never asked for my number or to meet. I wish they had the cajones or desire to ask me out or to talk on the phone, but are either too lazy or scared.

      ONE did ask me to call, and we had a great conversation for about 45 minutes. But, he was also unwilling to leave Austin to meet me half way (then why ever write?? Too lazy!)

      That “lazy/scared factor” has just happened with another one in Corpus Christi. We’ve exchanged a few nice emails, although I got the impression he didn’t read my answers to his questions because he asked the same questions over again. WTH?

      Patti Sanger talks about that in her podcast, about how men have become lazy because women are doing the pursuing. (Not me – I’ve learned that never works out well.)

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