Two weeks before I added the photos, I posted my text-only profile hoping men would break the visual-only stereotype and contact me based solely on what I wrote.
Before you start to think I would do the same, I am also a visual person. I did search through profiles without photos, but of the very few that had any text to read, there was one to whom I considered writing. But I didn’t. Why? Because I was scared. Maybe of hurting someone if I didn’t find him attractive, but mostly because I didn’t view them as sincere, suspecting they had a significant other from whom they were hiding.
Back to the contact before photos: Three men emailed me. Three emails in two weeks, one each from three different dating sites.
To preserve their anonymity, I will call them Flaky Guy, Intense-Angry Cop Guy, and Big Cowboy.
Flaky Guy: He is 55, grown kids, and lives on a lake about an hour or so away. He wrote, but his profile said he was only looking for dating. I said I wasn’t, but thanks anyway. He immediately wrote back, said he was looking for long-term, and begged me not to disappear.
Ok, I figured what the heck? I can keep writing to him and see how it goes. We chatted back and forth for several emails. I asked why he’d written to me without seeing a picture. He didn’t answer that question.
After another couple exchanges Flaky Guy asked, ‘Yep more common ground so what’s the next move?’
I replied, ‘Your call for what’s next. I’m open to meeting. I just looked out the window so I’m getting ready to head out to enjoy the sun! What are your plans for the day? I hope you have a good one!’
I got one line back: ‘Enjoying sun at my Lakehouse’.
Then CRICKETS. No, “Ok, let’s meet.” No, “Let’s chat on the phone first.” CRICKETS.
He never did ask for a photo (which I could’ve and would’ve sent privately).
**UPDATE** He told me his name was Dave. I just noticed he has another profile on the same site using the name Bob. Um, what?
Intense Cop Guy: He’s 57 (then he changed it to 59!), an ex-cop, lives in a big city about an hour and a half from me. Possible gym rat. Definitely psycho.
He wrote to me a gazillion times (often one line at a time, sending several in a row). He seems too intense too early (sent a couple cut and pasted poems), but also needy. A few times he asked if I liked him or was just being polite.
He always capitalizes any reference to himself, “Me, My” etc. I asked him about it, if it was a Dom/sub reference. He answered, “The D/s references is just something I am accustomed to doing. Bad grammar I am fully aware.”
It sounded to me like maybe he didn’t understand the question, but I couldn’t tell.
And after 20+ one-sentence emails he still hadn’t given his name. He gave me his phone number, asked to meet me at the coast (when I said I was going to meet friends!), but not his name. I joked a couple times in emails about not knowing it, but he didn’t give it to me.
The third time he asked if I was interested (and by now I was not, partly because of his repeated asking, and for the other things above), I said not really since he didn’t seem to want to give me his name. He promptly gave it, along with a bunch of whining. I had agreed to call, and for the sake of blog fodder, I went through with it.
Now, before you all say you spotted this guy as a creep right off – I already know this.
He was upset right off the bat because I called from a blocked number! It was hilarious how he was taking it personally – even asked me if I did that with everyone or just him. Insecure much?? Really? You’re an ex-cop and you can’t even imagine why a woman who is internet dating would want to use a blocked number?
He probably knows he’s creepy.
I asked if I caught him at a bad time, that he didn’t sound up to talking. He immediately lightened up. For a minute…
I put “writer” as my occupation. I could hardly list all the various things I do without seeming flighty: Writer, Blogger, Park Host, Occasional Newspaper Reporter, Customer Service at Hardware Store. See? Flighty.
I prefer to think of myself as enterprising. Ahem. Moving on…
While planning a time for the call, I had mentioned “being in the office”.
During the call, after his little freak-out about the blocked number, he asks: “What do you REALLY do?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Intense-now-known-as-Angry Cop Guy: “You said ‘writer’ in your profile. But then you said you were ‘in the office’. What do you REALLY do?”
OMG. This guy is an ass. Blog fodder isn’t worth this much trouble.
While trying to think of a why to end the call, The Universe intervened on my behalf and my cell phone battery died. Yay Universe!!
Big Cowboy: He’s 47, one kid, rancher about an hour away, describes himself as shy. He looks familiar to me, but I can’t figure out if I know him from somewhere (and where that would be out here in Cow-Chicken-Oil Town). Of the three, I find him the most attractive. He’s 6′, with huge shoulders. But he’s also big on the one-sentence emails. I detest that – it’s like texting.
He asked for a photo, and I sent #2.
No comment about it from him about it. ??? Hey, I don’t like that photo much either, but I don’t think I look that bad. Gees.
However, when he wrote back all he asked was what city I lived in. I’d previously said I wasn’t giving that out (but had already given him the traveling time and direction).
He still has not asked me out or given me his number. I’m not on there for chatting. I’ve given up on him.
Is it wrong to want the guy to ask that if he’s interested? Shouldn’t he do the asking?
Stay tuned for more adventures in online dating. Next up: After the Photos. *sigh*