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Online Dating: Before the Photos

Two weeks before I added the photos, I posted my text-only profile hoping men would break the visual-only stereotype and contact me based solely on what I wrote.

Before you start to think I would do the same, I am also a visual person. I did search through profiles without photos, but of the very few that had any text to read, there was one to whom I considered writing. But I didn’t. Why? Because I was scared. Maybe of hurting someone if I didn’t find him attractive, but mostly because I didn’t view them as sincere, suspecting they had a significant other from whom they were hiding.

Back to the contact before photos: Three men emailed me. Three emails in two weeks, one each from three different dating sites.

To preserve their anonymity, I will call them Flaky Guy, Intense-Angry Cop Guy, and Big Cowboy.

Flaky Guy: He is 55, grown kids, and lives on a lake about an hour or so away. He wrote, but his profile said he was only looking for dating. I said I wasn’t, but thanks anyway. He immediately wrote back, said he was looking for long-term, and begged me not to disappear.

Ok, I figured what the heck? I can keep writing to him and see how it goes. We chatted back and forth for several emails. I asked why he’d written to me without seeing a picture. He didn’t answer that question.

After another couple exchanges Flaky Guy asked, ‘Yep more common ground so what’s the next move?’

I replied, ‘Your call for what’s next. I’m open to meeting. I just looked out the window so I’m getting ready to head out to enjoy the sun! What are your plans for the day? I hope you have a good one!’

I got one line back: ‘Enjoying sun at my Lakehouse’.

Then CRICKETS. No, “Ok, let’s meet.” No, “Let’s chat on the phone first.” CRICKETS.

He never did ask for a photo (which I could’ve and would’ve sent privately).

**UPDATE** He told me his name was Dave. I just noticed he has another profile on the same site using the name Bob. Um, what?

Intense Cop Guy: He’s 57 (then he changed it to 59!), an ex-cop, lives in a big city about an hour and a half from me. Possible gym rat. Definitely psycho.

He wrote to me a gazillion times (often one line at a time, sending several in a row). He seems too intense too early (sent a couple cut and pasted poems), but also needy. A few times he asked if I liked him or was just being polite.

He always capitalizes any reference to himself, “Me, My” etc. I asked him about it, if it was a Dom/sub reference. He answered, “The D/s references is just something I am accustomed to doing. Bad grammar I am fully aware.”

It sounded to me like maybe he didn’t understand the question, but I couldn’t tell.

And after 20+ one-sentence emails he still hadn’t given his name. He gave me his phone number, asked to meet me at the coast (when I said I was going to meet friends!), but not his name. I joked a couple times in emails about not knowing it, but he didn’t give it to me.

The third time he asked if I was interested (and by now I was not, partly because of his repeated asking, and for the other things above), I said not really since he didn’t seem to want to give me his name. He promptly gave it, along with a bunch of whining. I had agreed to call, and for the sake of blog fodder, I went through with it.

Now, before you all say you spotted this guy as a creep right off – I already know this.

He was upset right off the bat because I called from a blocked number! It was hilarious how he was taking it personally – even asked me if I did that with everyone or just him. Insecure much?? Really? You’re an ex-cop and you can’t even imagine why a woman who is internet dating would want to use a blocked number?

He probably knows he’s creepy.

I asked if I caught him at a bad time, that he didn’t sound up to talking. He immediately lightened up. For a minute…

I put “writer” as my occupation. I could hardly list all the various things I do without seeming flighty: Writer, Blogger, Park Host, Occasional Newspaper Reporter, Customer Service at Hardware Store. See? Flighty.

I prefer to think of myself as enterprising. Ahem. Moving on…

While planning a time for the call, I had mentioned “being in the office”.

During the call, after his little freak-out about the blocked number, he asks: “What do you REALLY do?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Intense-now-known-as-Angry Cop Guy: “You said ‘writer’ in your profile. But then you said you were ‘in the office’. What do you REALLY do?”

OMG. This guy is an ass. Blog fodder isn’t worth this much trouble.

While trying to think of a why to end the call, The Universe intervened on my behalf and my cell phone battery died. Yay Universe!!

NEXT!

Big Cowboy: He’s 47, one kid, rancher about an hour away, describes himself as shy. He looks familiar to me, but I can’t figure out if I know him from somewhere (and where that would be out here in Cow-Chicken-Oil Town). Of the three, I find him the most attractive. He’s 6′, with huge shoulders. But he’s also big on the one-sentence emails. I detest that – it’s like texting.

He asked for a photo, and I sent #2.

No comment about it from him about it. ??? Hey, I don’t like that photo much either, but I don’t think I look that bad. Gees.

However, when he wrote back all he asked was what city I lived in. I’d previously said I wasn’t giving that out (but had already given him the traveling time and direction).

He still has not asked me out or given me his number. I’m not on there for chatting. I’ve given up on him.

Is it wrong to want the guy to ask that if he’s interested? Shouldn’t he do the asking?

Stay tuned for more adventures in online dating. Next up: After the Photos. *sigh*

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9 comments to Online Dating: Before the Photos

  • travelfables

    I’m an Rver, I follow this site for: “we have things in common stuff”. I had an okcupid profile years ago. If made it new and did respond to a potential “hope”, I’d track fracking everything (after that), and would find this post easy, and be hurt – just saying. Now that’s creepy , but alas my privacy plugins just blocked 11+ 3rd party scripts , while I posted this.

    • travelfables

      And yes, you rock , (even to to very different people) regardless of what could be read into that previous post of mine. Hope is the dancing light. Keep us posted on the dance :)

    • You lost me… Are you saying you think a potential “hope” of mine would be able to find this post? I’m very interested in knowing if you think this and how, because I am under the (perhaps misguided) impression they would not be able to find it.

      And I’m not sure why someone might be hurt by this, other than the few guys who sent less-than-serious messages anyway.

  • Kernut,

    You write well. I’m impressed. That’s two good writers I’ve found in one week. My friend Elizabeth Gooden also has talent for the written word. I discovered this reading her blog earlier in the week. You should friend her on fb through me. Her boyfriend is our local dog/cat boarder/groomer/animal stuff guy and very cool as well. We have a group who does a get together cooking thing each month called “The Drunken Supper Club”. The theme this month is going to be Chinese New Year.

    Coming from a radio background, I really shouldn’t be shocked by any of this, but I still am truthfully. I’m shocked that after several inferences to your appreciation of good grammar, punctuation, and just plain decent communication skills, people post horribly written things on your blog within moments. I’ll bet the farm that if you called them on this issue, they would have no idea what you were talking about. Please excuse my ending that sentence with a prepostition.lol

    Sorry, I had to make that joke to finish.

    Take care sugar,

    Larry

    • Hey, Larry! Thanks for visiting my blog! I didn’t realize that for all the time we’ve known each other, you didn’t know I write! I’m not too shy about telling folks! LOL thank you for the compliments on the blog. I really enjoy writing and sharing my adventures with my readers.

      I’m not sure where you read I require anything close to good grammar and punctuation on my blog – and would be interested in knowing exactly where I wrote that. In fact, I am likely the worst offender on this blog of the English language. Typos and sentences ending with a preposition are my signature.

      I appreciate all respectful comments submitted here – no matter how they are punctuated.

  • travelfables

    I have no idea what I was rambling about in that horrid mess above. Sometimes I’m silly and don’t pay attention. Larry is right. I should proof read my posts before I click a submit button on someone else’s blog. I think, to digress even more, that this wins into why I don’t do online dating. I’m not perfect all the time, and will not measure up regardless. Though random blog posts are a kind of relationship, and I will try to take more effort with my babble in the future. I’m hereby extending apologies to the lady of the blog house.

    • No worries, it’s not a major offense of any kind! :) Nothing wrong with your comment, ya just have me a bit concerned that someone my be able to reverse stalk me through the profile. I never put the city I’m actually in because of just such a thing. *sigh* But, the prospects are looking up this week. More on that later…