Zombies, RV Life, and Random Craziness
Pimpin my affiliates… Seriously, this blog can not survive on my writing alone.
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By Kernut, on April 16th, 2013% I’m at the Sioux Falls airport checking in for my return flight to Austin (via snowy Denver).
At the security check point I put all my stuff on the conveyer belt and turn around to go through the metal detector. But there is no metal detector. In its place is something I’ve never seen…
It’s a big, cylindrical glass container, with the outline of a pair of foot prints on the small carpet at the bottom. It’s one of those new-fangled x-ray screening machines.
Oh. Hell. NO.
I stop dead in my tracks a few feet from the entrance and ask “What IS that?!” just as realization begins to dawn on me. Now I begin to back up, hands in the air, as the TSA agent calmly tries to explain how benign the monster device is.
I don’t hear a word she says other than “You don’t need to back up.”
The hell I don’t.
I’m looking again at the footprints on the small carpet inside the big, glass screening machine. I wonder to myself if those are what was left of the last guy’s ashes when the “screening” was over.
Perhaps not so oddly, the movie Soylent Green suddenly pops into my head.
Me, shaking my head: “Uh-uh. I know what that thing is. Can’t I just get wanded or something?”
Other agents,
If you don’t share this story, zombies will get you. (Just a little.) . . . → But wait, there’s more! : I just got felt up by TSA
By Kernut, on March 10th, 2013% 
Yup… Chocolate covered bacon is like sex.
(Maybe better, depending on the skill level of those involved.)
They fry everything in Texas: all fish, pickles, bacon, candy bars, mallow pies, strawberry shortcake, cheesecake, oreos, twinkies, s’mores, etc.
Y’all know I love a good festival. Since attending some of Texas’ festivals, fairs, and rodeos I’ve had some of THE BEST fried desserts ever. Fried cheesecake and fried oreos topped the list.
That is, until yesterday at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.
Peeps! Sooo cute!
I could tell you about the darling peeps (baby chicks).
If you don’t share this story, zombies will get you. (Just a . . . → But wait, there’s more! : Chocolate covered bacon is like sex.
By Kernut, on August 25th, 2012% 
There is a post coming on the Squirrel Obstacle Course, but I’ve been too busy to edit the video. So all I’ve got for you is a generic update of randomness. Your excitement is palpable, even from here.
But you’re really wondering about the naked people, right? Don’t worry, that wasn’t just a catchy title, they’re coming. Err, umm, maybe they already did? I don’t know, I didn’t get to ask them.
RV Slide-out Issues
The living room slide on my RV has issues. It probably needs therapy, but I can’t find an RV shrink within 100 miles. There is only one, yes ONE, RV technician willing to make the long drive to this town with ten cows for every human. When describing the problem to him, his answer didn’t exactly exude confidence. I can tell he’s never encountered a problem like this one before. Crap.
I can’t close the slide to drive it to the shop in which I have more confidence over an hour away (they can’t come out, but it’s Camping World).
In Winnebagos with a couch attached to the living room slide-out, the carpet under the couch is covered in a sheet of clear, thick plastic (like Visqueen). This wraps around under the slide to protect the other carpet that’s part of the house/coach floor.
Most of this plastic/visqueen has come lose, rolled up under the slide, and is sticking out of the weatherstripping on the outside. (see photo) When I attempted to pull it out all the way, I realized . . . → But wait, there’s more! : Naked people, RV issues, and kitties.
By Kernut, on June 14th, 2012% 
I made it to Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World. And it was good for me.
Cowboy Capital of the World!
Bandera is bangin’! It’s a small Texas Hill Country town full of real cowboys. (…) They’ve got something going on almost every night of the week.
And it’s going on bralessly. Apparently.
Somebody is braless in Bandera, Texas.
If you consider the number of bras hanging from the ceiling in this bar, virtually every woman is braless in Bandera, Texas. Is that how to rope a cowboy? I’m asking because I need to know.
If you don’t share this story, zombies will get you. (Just a . . . → But wait, there’s more! : Braless in Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World
By Kernut, on December 30th, 2011% I thought about you naked. Then I put some clothes on and thought about you some more.
(Right about now my parents are probably cringing and wishing I didn’t blog.)
To the rest of you I recommend condoms to prevent any blogging children.
(This isn’t a real post, it’s more a bit of emotional release about the holidays, inspired in part by Hiker Mike’s post. I have a real, media-intense post on Slab City coming this week. I promise.)
These are my "Ho Ho Ho" shoes. ahem.
This Christmas was bittersweet for me.
As my regular readers know, more often than not I’m quite content with being single. There are minuses, of course, but overall I enjoy it. (For more specifics, see: Ten Reasons Dating Sucks and Ten Things I Like About Being Single and Ten Things I Don’t.)
But sometimes I really
If you don’t share this story, zombies will get you. (Just a . . . → But wait, there’s more! : I Thought About You Naked
By Kernut, on January 30th, 2011% [This post is a tad racy and probably NSFW (not safe for work) if your boss is uptight.]
“Where is that g-spot already? My feet are starting to go numb.”
Really? Intimidated? I just don’t get this.
Ok, I can see possibly being slightly embarrassed walking into an actual sex toy store, but intimidated by an online sex toy store?
You are probably wondering why I mention this. Ok, or maybe you’re not, if you’re a regular here. If you’re new, we have previously discussed men being intimidated by sexual confidence, and also who bought your sex toys.
A man I was recently dating informed me he was intimidated by my “possible” level of experience.
???
Knowing neither of us had had large numbers of partners, I asked what he meant.
He is intimated to be with me, uhh, physically because of my affiliation with this adult toy store.
??? (thought in my head: shit, not another intimidated male)
Seriously??
I don’t get it. How can one have anything to do with the other? It’s not like I have a massive selection of whips, chains, or other items from the store.
Really, I don’t. Well, not the whips and chains, anyway. I think.
He’s also intimidated by my desire to practice conscious love-making through Tantra. It’s not like I suggested WE needed to do this. I just expressed an interest in the practice.
Holy Dildos and Deep Breaths Batman!
If you don’t share this story, zombies will get you. (Just a . . . → But wait, there’s more! : Intimidated by The Adult Toy Store
By Kernut, on April 16th, 2010% Then I see something interestingly familiar… the male starts slowly inching towards the female. Male: Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, wait…. Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, wait…. Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, wait…. . . . → But wait, there’s more! : The Birds, The Bees, and Pigeon Porn
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