Tag Archives: Sex – atleast someone is getting it

Happy Friday 5 – Pet the Sweaty Things

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Happy Friday 5: Pet the Sweaty Things

First, I want to thank each and every one of you who bought my ebook! It makes my heart flutter every time I get a notification that another person bought it! I love you guys!

Fun Fact: In the first week of October I’ve driven through nine states (five of them “never been to before”) and gone 1,200 miles. By the time you read this I will be in the Florida panhandle for the winter. WOOT! The storm isn’t expected near here at all, so things are good. Everyone is on island time – laid-back and relaxed! Setting a meeting or schedule seems to be a foreign concept. Go to love that!


Create Your Own Visited States Map

Fun Fact #2: I think a “gentleman” in the Georgia Walmart parking lot who kept pulling up to my drivers window to chat me up was looking for a “lady friend” for the night. He didn’t get one. Well, he may have, but it wasn’t me. It was about then I decided that part of Georgia wasn’t a good place to spend the night and drove to Alabama. No one in Alabama hit on me. No sweaty things were petted.

What cracked me up this week: I need to preface this by saying no offense is meant But, wait! There’s more…

Fifty Shades Read Aloud by a Kernuttie

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Fifty Shades Read Aloud by New Yorkers

One of my readers, a New York construction worker, sent this clip of himself and a few other folks reading snippets of Fifty Shades aloud. It’s hilarious! They were “interviewed” for Late Night With Seth Meyers.

Craig Ferguson said the books are “vanilla” (ooohhh, Craig – I loved you before, but now I love you even more!). I’ve also heard the movie isn’t that good; it’s better to watch these videos. There are many other clips in the series, so have fun!!

Tales From the RV Park: Hatin’ and Tush

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This is another episode of Tales From the RV Park, life in the RV parks I’ve been camped at. Disclaimer: These stories are fictitious, happened in nightmares, are hearsay, and/or are what others recounted to me. I am part Irish, so there is likely a good deal of exaggeration. The names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. There is no relation to persons living, dead, or in jail, even if you think so. In other words, don’t bother trying to sue me, and I have no money.

It's a shame you can't buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s a shame you can’t buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

Southern Fried Hatin’ and Trailer Park Tush

There was a long-time tenant, a guy from the deep south. I never saw him without a drink in his hand. He was a nice guy, if you could overlook the blatant racism and sexism, which was hard to do. He never once held back a negative comment about a woman, or a non-white male – even if one was standing right in front of him. If you weren’t white and male, he would likely insult you within five minutes of talking to him. It’s a wonder he never got into a fist fight in all the time he lived at the park.

We’ll call him Southern Fried Hatin’.

Hatin’ had a girlfriend/wanna-be-wife. For the majority of Hatin’s stay at the RV park, his girlfriend But, wait! There’s more…

I just got felt up by TSA

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I’m at the Sioux Falls airport checking in for my return flight to Austin (via snowy Denver).

At the security check point I put all my stuff on the conveyer belt and turn around to go through the metal detector. But there is no metal detector. In its place is something I’ve never seen…

It’s a big, cylindrical glass container, with the outline of a pair of foot prints on the small carpet at the bottom. It’s one of those new-fangled x-ray screening machines.

Oh. Hell. NO.

I stop dead in my tracks a few feet from the entrance and ask “What IS that?!” just as realization begins to dawn on me. Now I begin to back up, hands in the air, as the TSA agent calmly tries to explain how benign the monster device is.

I don’t hear a word she says other than “You don’t need to back up.”

The hell I don’t.

I’m looking again at the footprints on the small carpet inside the big, glass screening machine. I wonder to myself if those are what was left of the last guy’s ashes when the “screening” was over.

Perhaps not so oddly, the movie Soylent Green suddenly pops into my head.

Me, shaking my head: “Uh-uh. I know what that thing is. Can’t I just get wanded or something?”

Other agents, But, wait! There’s more…

Chocolate covered bacon is like sex.

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Yup… Chocolate covered bacon is like sex.

(Maybe better, depending on the skill level of those involved.)

They fry everything in Texas: all fish, pickles, bacon, candy bars, mallow pies, strawberry shortcake, cheesecake, oreos, twinkies, s’mores, etc.

Y’all know I love a good festival. Since attending some of Texas’ festivals, fairs, and rodeos I’ve had some of THE BEST fried desserts ever. Fried cheesecake and fried oreos topped the list.

That is, until yesterday at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo.

Peeps! Sooo cute!

Peeps! Sooo cute!

I could tell you about the darling peeps (baby chicks). But, wait! There’s more…

Naked people, RV issues, and kitties.

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There is a post coming on the Squirrel Obstacle Course, but I’ve been too busy to edit the video. So all I’ve got for you is a generic update of randomness. Your excitement is palpable, even from here.

You’re really wondering about the naked people, aren’t you? Don’t worry, that wasn’t just a catchy title, they’re coming. Err, umm, maybe they already did? I don’t know, I didn’t get to ask them.

RV Slide-out Issues

The living room slide on my RV has issues. It probably needs therapy, but I can’t find an RV shrink within 100 miles. There is only one, yes ONE, RV technician willing to make the long drive to this town with ten a hundred cows for every human. When describing the problem to him, his answer didn’t exactly exude confidence. I can tell he’s never encountered a problem like this one before. Crap.

I can’t close the slide to drive it to the shop over an hour away in which I have more confidence (it’s Camping World, but they don’t do mobile).

In Winnebagos with a couch attached to the living room slide-out, the carpet under the couch is covered in a sheet of clear, thick plastic (like Visqueen). This wraps around under the slide to protect the other carpet that’s part of the house/coach floor.

Most of this plastic/visqueen has come lose, rolled up under the slide, and is sticking out of the weatherstripping on the outside. (see photo) When I attempted to pull it out all the way, I realized part of it is still attached, AND a glide/slide-out strip (probably used to help glide the slide smoothly) has also come lose.

Winnebago Sightseer Slide-out issue - plastic sticking out.

Well, this just sucks.

But, wait! There’s more…

Braless in Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World

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I made it to Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World. And it was good for me. 

Cowboy Capital of the World!

Cowboy Capital of the World!

Bandera is bangin’! It’s a small Texas Hill Country town full of real cowboys. (…) They’ve got something going on almost every night of the week.

And it’s going on bralessly. Apparently.

Braless in Bandera Texas

Somebody is braless in Bandera, Texas.

If you consider the number of bras hanging from the ceiling in this bar, virtually every woman is braless in Bandera, Texas. Is that how to rope a cowboy? I’m asking because I need to know. But, wait! There’s more…

I Thought About You Naked

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I thought about you naked.

Then I put some clothes on and thought about you some more.

(Right about now my parents are probably cringing and wishing I didn’t blog.)

To the rest of you I recommend condoms to prevent any blogging children.

(This isn’t a real post, it’s more a bit of emotional release about the holidays, inspired in part by Hiker Mike’s post. I have a real, media-intense post on Slab City coming this week. I promise.)

Sexy red shoes. Hooker heels. CFM pumps.

These are my "Ho Ho Ho" shoes. ahem.

This Christmas was bittersweet for me.

As my regular readers know, more often than not I’m quite content with being single. There are minuses, of course, but overall I enjoy it. (For more specifics, see: Ten Reasons Dating Sucks and Ten Things I Like About Being Single and Ten Things I Don’t.)

But sometimes I really But, wait! There’s more…

Intimidated by The Adult Toy Store

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[This post is a tad racy and probably NSFW (not safe for work) if your boss is uptight.]

Where is my g-spot?

“Where is that g-spot already? My feet are starting to go numb.”

Really? Intimidated? I just don’t get this.

Ok, I can see possibly being slightly embarrassed walking into an actual sex toy store, but intimidated by an online sex toy store?

You are probably wondering why I mention this. Ok, or maybe you’re not, if you’re a regular here. If you’re new, we have previously discussed men being intimidated by sexual confidence, and also who bought your sex toys.

A man I was recently dating informed me he was intimidated by my “possible” level of experience.

???

Knowing neither of us has had large numbers of partners, I asked what he meant.

He is intimated to be with me, uhh, physically because of my affiliation with this adult toy store.

??? (thought in my head: shit, not another intimidated male)

Seriously??

I don’t get it. How can one have anything to do with the other? It’s not like I have a massive selection of whips, chains, or other items from the store. Really, I don’t.

He’s also intimidated by my desire to practice conscious love-making through Tantra. It’s not like I suggested WE needed to do this. I just expressed an interest in the practice.

Holy Dildos and Deep Breaths Batman! But, wait! There’s more…

The Birds, The Bees, and Pigeon Porn

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It only leads to babies, and apparently VD.

You should learn something new every day, or so they say.

I want my readers to feel they learn something random useful from my blog.

Hey, you may find yourself playing Nintendo’s Wii “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” some day and then you’ll thank me.

Today, this is it: Birds and humans have a remarkably similar courtship practice. There is more to the phrase “The Birds & The Bees” then we know.

You’ve all heard about my cat …..WAIT, don’t run away! It get’s better.

A little.

I worry The Kibble Wrangler gets bored when I’m not home so I throw birdseed out on the balcony to make “Kitty TV”. You know, so she can see some birds behind the glass and chatter at them. Remember what it might be like to be free and chasing them. Kitty TV or kitty torture, there’s a fine line between the two.

I assumed Kitty TV was working just fine – until the other evening. I was home and had a chance to observe it for a bit. (No, I do not have a wild social life at the moment. This is it, folks: I’m amused just watching Kitty TV.)

I swear I didn’t know when I innocently put out birdseed for Kitty TV, I was actually signing up for the porn channel. How could I know this?? I mean, where’s the Kitty TV installation manual? Right? Birdseed should really come with one.

Lemme explain… But, wait! There’s more…