Category Archives: Cheezy Americana

Pennsylvania, land of miniature villages

Posted on by July 31, 2016

I’ve always loved all things miniature: miniature decks of cards, little glass bottles, little Christmas villages under the tree. Even stamps are little miniature pieces of artwork to me. Of course this includes miniature villages – they are the best! It’s no wonder I love making gnome doors, and creating miniature gnome homes “in the wild”.

Choo Choo Barn Miniature Village in Strasburg, PA

Choo Choo Barn Miniature Village in Strasburg, PA

There are two miniature village roadside attractions in Pennsylvania. The first, Roadside America, is in Shartlesville, Pennsylvania. The second is the Choo Choo Barn in Strasburg, Pennsylvania. Strasburg may sound familiar to some of you… it’s home to a couple attractions about which I’ve previously written, Famous Amos, and Amish Boy with Pig. (Also, Strasburg is where the tornado touched down in February.)

Because of the lighting, or my phone camera, or a sun flare, the photos of the miniature village at Roadside America were not turning out good – they were all fairly dark so I did not take that many. The colors of the exhibit are much more natural and realistic than my photos would indicate.

And now, mostly because I’ve run out of stuff to say… SLIDESHOW! But, wait! There’s more…

He claims he swapped legs with a jaybird and got cheated out of a butt.

Posted on by June 4, 2016

I went to the Pennsylvania Cabela’s.

In case you’ve never been, I’ll describe the Cabela’s experience: It’s like going to a zoo, but all of the animals are dead.

Wait, what?

Pennsylvania Cabela's

Pennsylvania Cabela’s

Before I go on, I should explain the title since, unlike my usual title/post combinations, this one isn’t self-explanatory or related to the topic of this post. I merely needed a catchy title so here’s the connection: I went to Cabela’s with a friend who claims he doesn’t have a butt. While I disagree and think he has a cute butt, I chose the title in deference to his claim, and because I enjoy teasing him. Unfortunately, he rarely reads this blog so he’ll probably never know.

It seems almost all men claim they have no butt. And, if I may speak for my gender, we pretty much think most men’s butts are cute. In general, you like ours, we like yours, and neither gender would look as good with the other’s butt. 

But I digress, and probably need a dose of meds, so I’ll move along now…

About Cabela’s in Hamburg, Pennsylvania

Cabela’s comprehensive display of dead things isn’t as gruesome as you might (naturally) think. It looks just like the zoo – all the animals are in “pens” decorated like their natural habitat. Other than the pens being inside a building, and the lack of a “poo” smell, there is no difference between Cabela’s and a real zoo.

Except that everything is dead. The animals But, wait! There’s more…

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Posted on by May 11, 2016

Even though it’s as green as the Emerald City, we’re not in Kansas anymore. Pye and I are cruising around southeastern Pennsylvania. When it snowed in early April a friend asked, “What do April snows bring?” At that time I had no idea what weather to expect in May, but now I know: April snows bring May showers. Lots and lots of May showers. We’re all developing webbed feet and hands.

As I’ve said before, it’s absolutely stunning! Everything is a lovely shade of bright green (from all the rain): the gently rolling hills dotted with farmhouses and silos, the tall trees with new foliage… much like The Emerald City in The Land of Oz must have looked like to Dorothy and Toto.

Dorothy and Toto - still in Kansas.

Dorothy and Toto – still in Kansas.

We’re not in Kansas anymore, but late last year I stopped at Dorothy’s House in Liberal, Kansas.

There’s a little museum, some statues of the characters, and a few buildings to walk around. They offer a tour, of what, I never got to see… But, wait! There’s more…

Bucket List Item: The Cadillac Ranch

Posted on by April 8, 2016

O.M.G. The. Cadillac. Ranch!

One of my top three Bucket List items is officially checked off! (The Largest Frying Pan and the Largest Ball of Twine being the other two top items.) The Bucket List exists because of these three items.

Do you all realize how looong The Cadillac Ranch has been on my Bucket List? No, of course you don’t because I haven’t been blogging as long as it’s been on my list. If I tell you how long it’s been on my list, you may not believe me when I tell you all I’m 27.

Let’s just say it’s been decades and leave it at that, mkay?

Yes, I’m still 27, dammit! (Although, another Anniversary of my 27th Birthday is rapidly approaching. Nonetheless, I will still be 27. Forever. 27.)

The Cadillac Ranch. (I thought it would look bigger.)

The Cadillac Ranch. (I thought it would look bigger. Really, I did.)

The Cadillac Ranch

In 1974 in Amarillo, Texas, a group of three artists, Chip Lord, Hudson Marquez and Doug Michels, created the Cadillac Ranch art installation, with the financial backing of Stanley Marsh III. The artists were part of a group called Ant Farm, and as such they created several architecturally unique installations around the country. This installation, ten used Cadillac cars buried ass-end up in the ground, at an angle corresponding to that of the Great Pyramid, is slightly west of Amarillo on the former Route 66.

One good thing about taking photos in flat, desert landscape like parts of the Texas panhandle: there’s never anything to get in the way of your shot. No trees, no plant life, no wildlife, no big rocks, nothing really. There weren’t even clouds in the sky to block the sun. All of which helped accent the cars, and helped the colors turn out sharply. Now, about the colors… But, wait! There’s more…

A Tiny Church in Ingram and other stuff

Posted on by March 28, 2016

There is a teeny town in northeast Texas Hill Country, right next to Kerrville, called Ingram. It was the first time since being in Texas that I saw actual hills. (“Hill Country” is a misnomer… what they call hills in Texas, they don’t acknowledge as a change in elevation in California.)

Ingram is home to fewer than 2,000 people, and there’s a large gap in the population between the upper and lower income brackets. One of two things generally define the two: lots of silver jewelry from a local, quasi-famous jewelry shop, or lots of tattoos and piercings. The people weren’t as openly friendly as much of the Texas country. They stick to themselves, but many are friendly once they decide you’re okay.

Below are several photos from around town. The captions tell the story. The cute tiny church is at the end.

Indian in a truck.

Indian in the back of a truck.

Back of Indian in a truck.

Back of Indian in the back of a truck.

But, wait! There’s more…

A Midnight Kiss in Hershey

Posted on by January 20, 2016

A midnight kiss in Hershey, Pennsylvania, on New Year’s Eve

For someone who loves cheezy roadside attractions, chocolate, and for whom New Year’s is her favorite holiday, it was a near perfect night.

Forget about the crystal ball. On New Year’s Eve towns all across Pennsylvania drop (or raise) a plethora of odd items: a strawberry in Harrisburg; a giant Peep in Bethlehem, where Peeps are made; ping-pong balls in Strasburg; a pickle in Dillsburg; a mushroom in Kennett Square; a wrench in Mechanicsburg (I love the sense of humor!); a 100-pound stick of Bologna in Lebanon; and shoes, cigars, race cars, and dozens of other oddball items.

My favorite holiday, chocolate, a goofy roadside attraction, and a big kiss at midnight.

My favorite holiday, chocolate, a goofy roadside attraction, and a big kiss at midnight. ( Beanies are not my best fashion attire, but it was cold! I’d have made a terrible neighborhood gangster – no one would’ve taken me seriously.)

In Hershey, they raise a giant Hershey Kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve. It’s seven feet tall, and 300 pounds of shiny steel shaped like the delectable dessert. The “flag” (kisses label) adds an additional five feet to the colossal confection.

The New Year’s Eve event was But, wait! There’s more…

Let’s Get It On: Intercourse in PA

Posted on by January 20, 2016

Cue Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On (listen while you read this… It’ll get you in the mood.)

I made it to the horny towns of Pennsylvania Dutch Country! Another one to check off the Bucket List!

Pennsylvania is beautiful! One of the prettiest states when it comes to rolling green hills of the countryside. It’s no wonder they use photos of the farms and silos for puzzle pictures. I was in Dutch Country for a few days… and I fell in love with the place! The folks are very friendly, and the towns clean – in looks, if not in name.

I always thought the Amish were on the conservative side, until I learned they sure do like to like kinky names for their towns. Let’s take a tour – with our date – through…

Horny (in) Pennsylvania: Bird-in-Hand, Intercourse, Paradise, Fertility, Virginville, Blue Ball.

Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania... It's more than just a hot date...

Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania… It’s more than just a hot date…

Bird-in-Hand is where you start… But, wait! There’s more…

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

Posted on by January 20, 2016

He was driving her buggy.

Dang, I’m funny.

For as conservative as they seem, the Amish do have a healthy sense of humor. Around Pennsylvania Amish Country – with provocatively named towns like Intercourse and Blue Ball (post coming soon, no pun intended) – are giant Amish statues, with bare feet. One has a name: Big Amos. I don’t know if he’s famous. *rim shot* I’m on a roll.

This is Big Amos, the giant barefoot Amish statue. He's in Strasburg, PA, standing next to regular buggy.

This is Big Amos, the giant barefoot Amish statue. He’s seen standing next to regular buggy, at the Hershey Farm Restaurant & Inn, in Strasburg, PA.

Big Amos, barefoot Amish giant statue.

Big Amos, barefoot Amish giant statue.

Does it look like he’s got nail polish on his toenails? I didn’t notice at the time, but it looks like a French pedicure. But, wait! There’s more…

“Hello from the other side”

Posted on by December 13, 2015

(sung to the tune of Adele’s “Hello”…)

Hello from the other side

I must’ve gone a thousand miles

I’m sorry but it’s long past time for me to move on

For such a long time you were my home

But not anymore

Hello from the other side

I borrowed this from Adele’s new song “Hello”, (if you don’t know what this is, you should play it…. and possibly get out more). I rewrote the song, just a little. I’m sure she won’t mind, you know, because my version is clearly awesome.

Just as how I can’t tell short story, this is my (long) way of saying I have moved – and will be almost outside of Texas by the time you read this. (I know! I can hardly believe it myself.)

But let me back up a bit…

It took me 13 hours to go 2 1/2 hours.

Huh? What is she talking about now?

I left La Grange at 7:45 a.m. and got to Gatesville, about 2 1/2 hours away, thirteen hours later. I like to take a leisurely drive on my way to any location, but not that leisurely. This was hours of waiting for minor issues to be taken care of, and for Progressive to get their head out of their ass… But, wait! There’s more…

There’s a town called Oatmeal. I am not making this up.

Posted on by March 21, 2015

I hope you’ve had breakfast because this post might make you hungry. Or it might make you want dinosaurs. Hard to say.

Really, there is a town called Oatmeal in Texas Hill Country.

No, I don’t know why they named the town after a breakfast cereal. It’s not like they grow oatmeal in the area.

Welcome to breakfast, err, I mean Oatmeal!

Welcome to breakfast, err, I mean Oatmeal!

Guess what they have there? Nope, it’s not oats, but nice try.

It’s a giant oatmeal box. Yes, I said *box. And it’s empty, so you’re still wrong about there being oats in Oatmeal.

A giant box of oatmeal in Oatmeal, Texas.

A giant box of oatmeal in Oatmeal, Texas.

Although, once a year they do have… Want to take another guess? Sure you do! But, wait! There’s more…