Category Archives: Cheezy Americana

Lady in the Lake, Dinosaurs and a Knight in the Woods

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I’m pretty sure I was drawn to this place for a reason – the Cheezy Americana energy is strong. Like the Force is strong in the Star Wars Universe.

Come to think of it, I was pulled to this area. Ok, maybe it was more like how a moth is pulled to a flame. But in my defense, I didn’t know any of this stuff was here before I started exploring the area.

Remember George Barber? My second cousin, (probably)? That guy who loves goofy roadside attractions, like Bamahenge? (We have to be related.)

Well, Bamahenge isn’t his only goofy roadside attraction… On his massive, wooded property leading up to Barber Marina, Mr. Barber let loose dinosaurs, knights, the World’s Largest Sundial, a Caesars Palace-style fountain, and the Lady in the Lake. (It’s mostly pictures from here on out, so don’t give up now.)

Dinosaurs and Knights in the Woods

You went to Bamahenge, right? Good. Well, keep heading down the same road and before long you’ll start to see dinosaurs in the woods.

T-Rex in Elberta, Alabama

T-Rex in Elberta, Alabama

Godzilla’s cousin, T-Rex is in Elberta, Alabama. But, wait! There’s more…

Was the Petrified Cat Scared to Death? And a dollhouse on Main Street.

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(Those two things are not related.)

If a cat is petrified and dead, was it scared to death?

(Ahahahaa! I crack me up!)

Seriously, folks, there’s a petrified (dead, not scared) cat in Pensacola. No, I’m not talking about Pye, my oft-scared, bi-polar feline companion for whom I occasionally consider finding a new home… she is alive and well and scratching the crap out of my furniture.

I am talking about a dead cat on display, no less, in a museum. Yup, right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A. can you find such treasures at the local museum as a petrified (dead, not scared) cat on display.

Ah, don’t you just love America? I mean, seriously, in what other country are dead things proudly displayed for a small viewing fee? Cases in point: The (Infamous) Mutter Museum’s collection of dead body parts in jars; The (Dead) Thing in Arizona;  The Two-headed (and doubly dead) Goat in Bandera, Texas; and then there’s Cabela’s – a nation-wide chain devoted to selling hunting merchandise centered around dead things on display.

Only. In. America.

On display at the T.T. Wentworth, Jr., Museum in downtown Pensacola, a small card below tells of the unfortunate fate of the feline from 1850.

Without further ado… (don’t look if you’re squeamish) But, wait! There’s more…

Pennsylvania, land of miniature villages

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I’ve always loved all things miniature: miniature decks of cards, little glass bottles, little Christmas villages under the tree. Even stamps are little miniature pieces of artwork to me. Of course this includes miniature villages – they are the best! It’s no wonder I love making gnome doors, and creating miniature gnome homes “in the wild”.

Choo Choo Barn Miniature Village in Strasburg, PA

Choo Choo Barn Miniature Village in Strasburg, PA

There are two miniature village roadside attractions in Pennsylvania. The first, Roadside America, is in Shartlesville, Pennsylvania. The second is the Choo Choo Barn in Strasburg, Pennsylvania. Strasburg may sound familiar to some of you… it’s home to a couple attractions about which I’ve previously written, Famous Amos, and Amish Boy with Pig. (Also, Strasburg is where the tornado touched down in February.)

Because of the lighting, or my phone camera, or a sun flare, the photos of the miniature village at Roadside America were not turning out good – they were all fairly dark so I did not take that many. The colors of the exhibit are much more natural and realistic than my photos would indicate.

And now, mostly because I’ve run out of stuff to say… SLIDESHOW! But, wait! There’s more…

He claims he swapped legs with a jaybird and got cheated out of a butt.

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I went to the Pennsylvania Cabela’s.

In case you’ve never been, I’ll describe the Cabela’s experience: It’s like going to a zoo, but all of the animals are dead.

Wait, what?

Pennsylvania Cabela's

Pennsylvania Cabela’s

Before I go on, I should explain the title since, unlike my usual title/post combinations, this one isn’t self-explanatory or related to the topic of this post. I merely needed a catchy title so here’s the connection: I went to Cabela’s with a friend who claims he doesn’t have a butt. While I disagree and think he has a cute butt, I chose the title in deference to his claim, and because I enjoy teasing him. Unfortunately, he rarely reads this blog so he’ll probably never know.

It seems almost all men claim they have no butt. And, if I may speak for my gender, we pretty much think most men’s butts are cute. In general, you like ours, we like yours, and neither gender would look as good with the other’s butt. 

But I digress, and probably need a dose of meds, so I’ll move along now…

About Cabela’s in Hamburg, Pennsylvania

Cabela’s comprehensive display of dead things isn’t as gruesome as you might (naturally) think. It looks just like the zoo – all the animals are in “pens” decorated like their natural habitat. Other than the pens being inside a building, and the lack of a “poo” smell, there is no difference between Cabela’s and a real zoo.

Except that everything is dead. The animals But, wait! There’s more…

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.

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Even though it’s as green as the Emerald City, we’re not in Kansas anymore. Pye and I are cruising around southeastern Pennsylvania. When it snowed in early April a friend asked, “What do April snows bring?” At that time I had no idea what weather to expect in May, but now I know: April snows bring May showers. Lots and lots of May showers. We’re all developing webbed feet and hands.

As I’ve said before, it’s absolutely stunning! Everything is a lovely shade of bright green (from all the rain): the gently rolling hills dotted with farmhouses and silos, the tall trees with new foliage… much like The Emerald City in The Land of Oz must have looked like to Dorothy and Toto.

Dorothy and Toto - still in Kansas.

Dorothy and Toto – still in Kansas.

We’re not in Kansas anymore, but late last year I stopped at Dorothy’s House in Liberal, Kansas.

There’s a little museum, some statues of the characters, and a few buildings to walk around. They offer a tour, of what, I never got to see… But, wait! There’s more…

Bucket List Item: The Cadillac Ranch

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O.M.G. The. Cadillac. Ranch!

One of my top three Bucket List items is officially checked off! (The Largest Frying Pan and the Largest Ball of Twine being the other two top items.) The Bucket List exists because of these three items.

Do you all realize how looong The Cadillac Ranch has been on my Bucket List? No, of course you don’t because I haven’t been blogging as long as it’s been on my list. If I tell you how long it’s been on my list, you may not believe me when I tell you all I’m 27.

Let’s just say it’s been decades and leave it at that, mkay?

Yes, I’m still 27, dammit! (Although, another Anniversary of my 27th Birthday is rapidly approaching. Nonetheless, I will still be 27. Forever. 27.)

The Cadillac Ranch. (I thought it would look bigger.)

The Cadillac Ranch. (I thought it would look bigger. Really, I did.)

The Cadillac Ranch

In 1974 in Amarillo, Texas, a group of three artists, Chip Lord, Hudson Marquez and Doug Michels, created the Cadillac Ranch art installation, with the financial backing of Stanley Marsh III. The artists were part of a group called Ant Farm, and as such they created several architecturally unique installations around the country. This installation, ten used Cadillac cars buried ass-end up in the ground, at an angle corresponding to that of the Great Pyramid, is slightly west of Amarillo on the former Route 66.

One good thing about taking photos in flat, desert landscape like parts of the Texas panhandle: there’s never anything to get in the way of your shot. No trees, no plant life, no wildlife, no big rocks, nothing really. There weren’t even clouds in the sky to block the sun. All of which helped accent the cars, and helped the colors turn out sharply. Now, about the colors… But, wait! There’s more…

A Tiny Church in Ingram and other stuff

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There is a teeny town in northeast Texas Hill Country, right next to Kerrville, called Ingram. It was the first time since being in Texas that I saw actual hills. (“Hill Country” is a misnomer… what they call hills in Texas, they don’t acknowledge as a change in elevation in California.)

Ingram is home to fewer than 2,000 people, and there’s a large gap in the population between the upper and lower income brackets. One of two things generally define the two: lots of silver jewelry from a local, quasi-famous jewelry shop, or lots of tattoos and piercings. The people weren’t as openly friendly as much of the Texas country. They stick to themselves, but many are friendly once they decide you’re okay.

Below are several photos from around town. The captions tell the story. The cute tiny church is at the end.

Indian in a truck.

Indian in the back of a truck.

Back of Indian in a truck.

Back of Indian in the back of a truck.

But, wait! There’s more…

A Midnight Kiss in Hershey

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A midnight kiss in Hershey, Pennsylvania, on New Year’s Eve

For someone who loves cheezy roadside attractions, chocolate, and for whom New Year’s is her favorite holiday, it was a near perfect night.

Forget about the crystal ball. On New Year’s Eve towns all across Pennsylvania drop (or raise) a plethora of odd items: a strawberry in Harrisburg; a giant Peep in Bethlehem, where Peeps are made; ping-pong balls in Strasburg; a pickle in Dillsburg; a mushroom in Kennett Square; a wrench in Mechanicsburg (I love the sense of humor!); a 100-pound stick of Bologna in Lebanon; and shoes, cigars, race cars, and dozens of other oddball items.

My favorite holiday, chocolate, a goofy roadside attraction, and a big kiss at midnight.

My favorite holiday, chocolate, a goofy roadside attraction, and a big kiss at midnight. ( Beanies are not my best fashion attire, but it was cold! I’d have made a terrible neighborhood gangster – no one would’ve taken me seriously.)

In Hershey, they raise a giant Hershey Kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve. It’s seven feet tall, and 300 pounds of shiny steel shaped like the delectable dessert. The “flag” (kisses label) adds an additional five feet to the colossal confection.

The New Year’s Eve event was But, wait! There’s more…

Let’s Get It On: Intercourse in PA

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Cue Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On (listen while you read this… It’ll get you in the mood.)

I made it to the horny towns of Pennsylvania Dutch Country! Another one to check off the Bucket List!

Pennsylvania is beautiful! One of the prettiest states when it comes to rolling green hills of the countryside. It’s no wonder they use photos of the farms and silos for puzzle pictures. I was in Dutch Country for a few days… and I fell in love with the place! The folks are very friendly, and the towns clean – in looks, if not in name.

I always thought the Amish were on the conservative side, until I learned they sure do like to like kinky names for their towns. Let’s take a tour – with our date – through…

Horny (in) Pennsylvania: Bird-in-Hand, Intercourse, Paradise, Fertility, Virginville, Blue Ball.

Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania... It's more than just a hot date...

Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania… It’s more than just a hot date…

Bird-in-Hand is where you start… But, wait! There’s more…

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

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He was driving her buggy.

Dang, I’m funny.

For as conservative as they seem, the Amish do have a healthy sense of humor. Around Pennsylvania Amish Country – with provocatively named towns like Intercourse and Blue Ball (post coming soon, no pun intended) – are giant Amish statues, with bare feet. One has a name: Big Amos. I don’t know if he’s famous. *rim shot* I’m on a roll.

This is Big Amos, the giant barefoot Amish statue. He's in Strasburg, PA, standing next to regular buggy.

This is Big Amos, the giant barefoot Amish statue. He’s seen standing next to regular buggy, at the Hershey Farm Restaurant & Inn, in Strasburg, PA.

Big Amos, barefoot Amish giant statue.

Big Amos, barefoot Amish giant statue.

Does it look like he’s got nail polish on his toenails? I didn’t notice at the time, but it looks like a French pedicure. But, wait! There’s more…