You should learn something new every day, or so they say.

I want my readers to feel they learn something random useful from my blog.

Hey, you may find yourself playing Nintendo’s Wii “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” some day and then you’ll thank me.

Today, this is it: Birds and humans have a remarkably similar courtship practice. There is more to the phrase “The Birds & The Bees” then we know.

You’ve all heard about my cat …..WAIT, don’t run away! It get’s better.

A little.

I worry The Kibble Wrangler gets bored when I’m not home so I throw birdseed out on the balcony to make “Kitty TV”. You know, so she can see some birds behind the glass and chatter at them. Remember what it might be like to be free and chasing them. Kitty TV or kitty torture, there’s a fine line between the two.

I assumed Kitty TV was working just fine – until the other evening. I was home and had a chance to observe it for a bit. (No, I do not have a wild social life at the moment. This is it, folks: I’m amused just watching Kitty TV.)

I swear I didn’t know when I innocently put out birdseed for Kitty TV, I was actually signing up for the porn channel. How could I know this?? I mean, where’s the Kitty TV installation manual? Right? Birdseed should really come with one.

Lemme explain…

Checkers and I are watching Kitty TV as two pigeons arrive. They happily dine on the seeds for a while. When finished with their meal they move to the balcony railing, about a foot away from each other, and begin primping and preening themselves.

Fluffing feathers, making pretty.

Then I see something interestingly familiar… the male starts slowly inching towards the female.

Male: Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, wait…. Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, wait…. Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, wait….

Huh. Kind of reminds me of human courtship: Guy takes gal to dinner at a nice restaurant, they relax for a bit after, and then he starts making his way closer for the intended goal…

Female: Still fluffing and preening her feathers, seemed not to notice, although I don’t know how she couldn’t have.

Male: Fluff, preen, inch a step closer, and then he’s right next to her.

She looks up and he pretends he’s still just preening! He preens, she leans over and preens on him. He re-preens the spot she just preened.

*flashback* I remember this!! It’s called FOREPLAY!

She preens his neck. He re-preens some more. She preens his neck. He re-preens some more.

And then the beaks are together – just like kissing! But kind of passionate, rough kissing.

OMG! I’m starting to think our human courtship was learned from birds.

This “kissing” goes on for a few seconds.

Then, the big moment is here. He hops on her back, the tails twitch for like a second, and he’s off her. Maybe two seconds and it’s over.

Whoaaa…. (just got a de’ja vu)

This whole thing repeats once more from her preening him, to the “kissing”, to the two-second ride. The pigeons are done flocking. Pigeon Porn video, for educational purposes.

Now I’m convinced our human courtship was learned from watching the birds. I just know that’s where the saying “The Birds and The Bees” comes from!

Bull rides are eight seconds. Maybe we should have taken a cue from them instead?

It’s kinda scary when I think about it. What do you think the bees taught us? Polygamy? S&M?

I don’t know what to do about the Kitty TV/Pigeon Porn channel.

And just what will happen if I grow flowers??