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By Kernut, on December 7th, 2011%
Mostly, I get wonderful, sweet and praising emails from you folks. I save them all.
Sometimes the BS I get in my inbox requires a special rant. This is one of those times.
 Let's Play Carpenter... or not. As the Match.com Dating Chronicles and Dating Exiled Royalty attest, my love life has been nothing if not interesting. Dating still seems to me one of the strangest activities. It’s like a prolonged interview, and you don’t really know if there’s even a job for you.
Needless to say, my experiences, especially those with Match.com, have left me leery of dating in general. Most especially of internet dating in particular.
While I do get asked out fairly regularly, it takes a special person and a special request to get a “yes” out of me. In the last two weeks I’ve received several requests over the internet for a date, or a general indication of interest. A couple are worthy of a “Yes”, but we’ll discuss those in the next post.
Would-be suitors take note: Included herein are the don’ts of asking for a date. There are ways to ask a lady out to get a “yes”, and ways to be assured you’re turned down. If you want a quick hookup, just go to the bar and don’t waste her (read: my) time.
Like this article recommends, calling someone over the phone is much better than asking for a date over the internet or, Heaven forbid, via text. If I don’t know you, emailing is appropriate while we get to know each other. However, if I’ve given you my number, a phone call is much better. Someday you will have to pick up that phone if you want to date me.
The first couple requests for “dates” were from married men I know. Don’t stop now! Continue reading How Not to Ask Me For a Date
By Kernut, on November 19th, 2010%
Ahh, what a lovely day. (UPDATED: This should say “week”.)
Ok, I’m lying. Totally fucking lying. (I apologize for the cussing, but sometimes only a cuss word will do. There are more, just so you know. I probably have that cussing disease today, you may want to leave now.)
You all know about the Droid X issue, which may, or may not be resolved. Some ex-boyfriends responded to the age-old texts as if nothing had changed and the conversation – and relationship – hadn’t ended LONG ago.
One ex asked, “So how you sleeping?” Much better without you’re nasty a$$ taking up the bed.
Learn from my mistake my dear Kernutties: Clear your text cache. Seriously. Do it now. I’ll wait.
And some of you know about the persistent MF who keeps trying to hack my blog. Seriously? WTF?! At this point, his persistence (12 attempts that I know of, plus three lock-outs) causes me to think it’s personal. There are two people whom I think sociopathically capable of this. I’m working on a post that includes one of them, and is about the time Martin Sheen saved my life. (Not a joke.)
The new job? Sucks balls. Well, some of it sucks balls. Big fuckin’ hairy balls. (The actual marketing parts of the job are great fun.) Don’t stop now! Continue reading God Grant Me The Senility
By Kernut, on November 2nd, 2010%
For Ten Things Tuesday, a Dating Rant…
Ten Reasons Dating Sucks
A.k.a. Ten Reasons Not to Divorce, which could lead to dating. Just like smoking, dating can be dangerous for your health.
If you’re single, you’ve probably experienced many of these yourself. I would love to hear your stories in the comments. Considering divorce? Well, here’s what life would be like once you were ready to date again…
1. People are weird. That’s it. Myself included. After a certain age, the shallow end of the gene pool is what’s left.
2. And unless you’re still young and innocent, you’ve probably become choosy, not unlike myself. When I was 20, I didn’t know what I liked or wanted in a significant other, but thought I did. Now I’m XX older, and know exactly what I like and want in a significant other. When they say ‘Ignorance is bliss’, they aren’t kidding. The hard part is knowing.
3. This could happen to you: I seem to attract either married/separated men or those with severe head injuries. I wish I was kidding. As an ex-P.I., I’ve learned to run background checks on potential partners. There are some scary-ass criminals on Match.com, and they always seemed to find my profile. I think it’s my superpower, which is also my kryptonite: My blond hair. It attracts all kinds. Don’t stop now! Continue reading Ten Reasons Dating Sucks
By Kernut, on September 10th, 2010%
 My sister, Chickenbone, once told me ‘Don’t bring sand to the beach.’ Me: ??? Chickenbone: If you’re single, don’t bring a date to a party. Me: (still) ??? Chickebone: …where there are single men. Me (a minute later): Ohhhh. (the light bulb isn’t always super bright, folks) . . . → Read More: I Brought Sand To The Beach
By Kernut, on May 30th, 2010%
 View from Santa Barbara Castillo (Castle) in Alicante This is part 2 of my trip to Spain. (Part 1 in the series is here: The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly…)
Advance apologies for the length and rantiness of this post. I promise the next will just be about my adventures and impressions of Spain.
When we left off…
Panic has now set in. (Please note the sub-title of this blog: I’m FINE: Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. The Adventures, Travels and Tribulations of a Bonkers Blogging Blond. ‘Bonkers’ may be an understatement. Pretty sure it is, but my alter-ego thought ‘bonkers’ rhymed better with ‘blogging’ and ‘blond’.)
Iberia Airlines, with their teams of luggage and policy-making asshats, had conspired to leave me stranded: I’m stuck in a foreign country, alone, speaking only enough espanol to order beer and tacos. As much as I needed one at that moment, I don’t drink beer. Anymore. That leaves me with just tacos. Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Plane to Spain, part 2
By Kernut, on May 26th, 2010%
 It’s like trying to reason with a lizard… that’s the part of the brain that’s active in times like these. Just try to tell a lizard what to do. Let me know how that goes. . . . → Read More: Panic Much? FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run
By Kernut, on May 20th, 2010%
 Mirroring: one of the methods practiced in Tantra. Do sexually confident women scare men or is this an attractive quality?
Really, I want to know. My sexual confidence and security has intimidated more than a few boyfriends. It’s a running theme. And, sadly, the older and more confident I get, the more I seem to intimidate them. So it’s not like it’s going away and I have no intention of squashing it.
But I’m about ready to give up all efforts at finding a match.
Before you let your kinky imaginations run wild… I don’t even get a chance to bring out the whips and chains before they get scared (read: ‘sudden loss of interest below the waist’).
I’m kidding about the whips and chains. Kind of.
Seriously, I’m not even a screamer, much. I just enjoy sex and am not shy about it, or talking about it.
Is that intimidating to men? Don’t stop now! Continue reading Sexual Confidence: Can You Handle It?
By Kernut, on March 17th, 2010%
Oh, it gets better. His face was orange. Yes, ORANGE. He’d used a low-quality tan-in-a-bottle to enhance his pasty skin tone. Unfortunately, BLENDING was not his strong point. Dear readers, he was a rookie at the fake-bake usage. . . . → Read More: Internet Dating FAIL, part 1
By Kernut, on March 11th, 2010%
The 6’ tall gray cubicle walls are lightly padded for my protection, not unlike the padded cells of a funny-farm. I suspect they are grooming me for transfer to the psych ward. . . . → Read More: I’m a State-subsidized Cube-dweller
By Kernut, on March 3rd, 2010%
 Ok, but only if the hookup is in your pickup, Baby. Dating Advice for Social Media from my MySpace blog in 2007 (a time when I was much more jaded than now – if that’s possible). While originally about MySpace, much of this also applies to Facebook.
MySpace made me über jaded about dating. It’s all MySpace’s fault for letting those horny 20-somethings send me the most ludicrous requests for a date (read: hookup). It’s really hard to take men seriously after receiving requests like those below.
But I’m all better now. heh. *twitch*
How Not To MySpace, Part 2
Acknowledgment: “Part 1” was written by my friend Steve. His gave me the idea for the following article. His article, How Not To MySpace should be read. And followed. Verbatim.
Making Friends – and keeping them: Don’t stop now! Continue reading How Not To MySpace (or Facebook)
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