Category Archives: Something’s wrong with her

But where are you FROM?

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

“Where are you from?”

I can not count the number of times I’ve been asked that question in the last week, but I do know it is greater than in my entire life up to this point.

I must have an accent.

“Where are you from,” they ask, curiosity mixed with just a hint of suspicion.

It’s a trick question because few will accept the truth.

It’s always an odd question for full-time RVers… How do you explain to people you don’t have a home base? You aren’t “from” anywhere. If you say you aren’t from anywhere, they don’t understand. They can’t imagine not being from somewhere.

But these folks don’t know I’m an RVer when they ask. I tell them I am a full-time RVer and I travel full-time. And, still…

Everybody else: “But where are you FROM?”

Me: “I was born in New Jersey, but I wasn’t even two years old when we moved.”

Everybody else: *blank look* “So you’re from New Jersey? I know someone else from New Jersey.”

Me: “That’s just where I was born. I don’t remember anything about it. I lived in California for many years. That’s where I was living when I bought my RV four and a half years ago, got rid of my stick-and-brick, and most of my stuff, and left in my RV.”

Everybody else: “Oh, so you’re from California.”

Me: *sigh* “No, But, wait! There’s more…

Looking For a Common Law Husband

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Texas is a Common Law state. According to Findlaw.com, you can say you’re married and that’s it. No ceremony, no nothing.

Yet one more reason Texas is awesome.

I’m looking for a common law husband. Why? Because I need health insurance.

Those of you unhappily married may be asking why I don’t just get ObummerCare (intentionally misspelled) instead of going through marriage, common law or not. ObummerCare is too expensive – even with the low-income subsidy. The good hospitals won’t take the cheapest plans out there. That seriously limits my choices to providers you’ve actually heard of.

<Obummer rant on>

I’m going to momentarily digress to get political…

My long-time readers (if there are any of you left after my recent absence – thank you!) know I’m not one to get on political rants, but my recent experience trying to sign up for ObummerCare has prompted this one.

Texans tend to be a might prejudiced against anyone who once lived in California, even if you weren’t born there, like myself. Whenever Obama is mentioned in a conversation, someone invariably looks over at me and makes some comment about my having voted for him – just because I once lived in California.

I did not vote for Obummer. Have y’all not see my We’re in an Obamanation gear on Zazzle? That’s been on my site for far longer than ObummerCare has been around.

<Obummer rant off>

Why does a mature 40-something 29-year-old, dammit! woman like myself care about health insurance? But, wait! There’s more…

RV stuff I fixed all by myself.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Before I get to the self-stroking RV stuff I fixed, I want to talk about something sort of important, for once…

My Yahoo! editor has fallen off the face of the earth which means I’ve been able to write more on this blog. Lucky you! (No contact in about a month now, and I’ve submitted a great story idea and an article in that time, along with a few reminder emails.Whatever.) So in between writing the next episode of Tales From the RV Park, I checked my blog stats on Google Feedburner and noticed I lost about 20% of my subscribers within the four days after this post: Online Dating: Oh my. Well, this explains a lot. The post may or may not explain a lot about online dating, but I can’t figure out why I lost so many subscribers. I thought the post about the hunter-gather principle would’ve been the one to turn folks off. Or, far more likely, this post, this post, or this post. Was it something I said?

I don’t try to offend anyone on this blog, but I realize it happens. Heck, I do it in my face-to-face life, too… I suffer from “Foot In Mouth” disease all the time. It’s probably that missing filter thing I mentioned in my About page.

Since I brought up the online dating, some of you may be wondering about what’s going on with the Online Dating Chronicles. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nada. Ziltch. Zero. Concerned I might say something “sans filter” – like I do on this blog – I have been extra cautious when writing back to the few men who’ve sent me a normal email. The conversations always seem to go quite well… and then nothing. They just stop replying, or send one random sentence in reply to our regular email exchange – a sentence that contains no question in which to reply. And, no asking to meet or to talk on the phone.

I do live about an hour and a half (or more) from the ones writing. Maybe that has something to do with it – in the end they just don’t want to bother with the distance. I don’t know, that’s just a guess. Maybe I’m offending the crap out of them, too. 

So,I’m done with the online dating thing. The endless emailing that goes nowhere has taken its toll on my level of interest.

Which means I will continue offending and/or boring the crap out of the few of you dear readers I have left…

Self-Stroking Post RV Stuff I Fixed All By Myself

There is a dichotomy to the RV lifestyle: A lot of stuff needs fixing or regular maintenance, which sucks. But when you fix it all by yourself, it’s an awesome moment of pure pleasure. SPOILER ALERT: If you can tell someone about it and they make all the appropriate facial expressions and comments, the moment of awesome lasts even longer.

Maybe it’s just me, but I get a real thrill out of fixing some, often random, item on my RV. Is that feeling why men love fixing stuff?

*light bulb goes on above my head*

Ohhhh, I totally get it, guys. It makes me want to get frisky, too.

I will now tell you about Stuff I Fixed All By Myself because you are a captive audience that’s really nice to me.

Well, it’s this or you could go back to the work you’re avoiding. Ok, we’ll compromise – I’ll keep it short, kind of. To help with keeping it kind of short, just know the links below are all to previous posts so long-time readers can skip those. Everyone new has to read them. Why? Um, you might learn something. Yeah, that’s it.

Now that we’ve got that settled, I shall commence with the list of Stuff I Fixed All By Myself:

But, wait! There’s more…

The tale of the Rattlesnake Tail and why I’m now a Texan

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

(*hat tip* to Bluz Dude at Darwinfish 2 for the title idea)

The Tale of the Tail

I’ve been creating a tree nursery for the park by germinating such things as Pomegranates, Wisteria, Jacaranda, Cheesewood, and Giant Sequoias. (Heh, I don’t pick the seeds, they were already here just collecting dust on the park store desk.)

Since I was tired of dusting the dust off the seed packets sitting on the desk, I decided to plant them. I designed and am helping to build a greenhouse of sorts* to keep the plants (should they ever sprout) safe from the wild critters who run rampant in the park.

*Before you become impressed with my building skills, keep in mind this greenhouse, much like the Squirrel Obstacle Course, will be made from “found” objects. And I’m not making it very big. Rather than a nursery greenhouse with doors and windows and important stuff like that, it’s more like a plant “cozy”. You know, a “cozy” like your grandmother used to knit to cover the spare toilet paper role that sat on the back of the toilet.

My RV happens to be parked next to the plant cozy tree nursery. I bend down replace one of the nursery bricks, and hear a *hissssss*. Thinking it’s the spray nozzle in front of me, I check the hose. It’s not even dripping.

Then it slowly dawns on me the noise is coming from my other side… I turn my head just in time to see a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake slithering about a foot away from me! Thank goodness he was scared and had already begun to slither away because he could have very easily bitten me before I ever saw him.

rattlesnake tail

The tail of which this tale is about. (My finger is there for scale.)

After I posted this on Facebook, a friend asked if I used a shovel or an axe to kill the rattlesnake. But, wait! There’s more…

The Squirrel Circus is in town.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s in town because I made the Squirrel Circus here. No, this isn’t another story about that ex-boyfriend who went off to join the circus. You’re welcome.

This post really is about squirrels I got to jump through hoops, sort of. It’s more like running through tubes and boxes than jumping through hoops, but close enough.

At the state park I’m camped at, my volunteer job (in exchange for free RV parking) is to sell permits, help customers, stock shelves, tidy up the place, etc. In the downtime I started building a Squirrel Obstacle Course.

No lie.

When Park Officials come to check how the park is doing, I tell them it’s our Squirrel Enrichment Program. One asked if I had a degree in Animal Psychology.

BWAAHAHAHAAA!

The squirrel acrobats are: PeeWee (a tame-ish female, currently pregnant again, and mother of at least one of the following squirrels), Jr. (aka “Hangin'” <— ahe name the Rangers gave him), Rocky (a male, very skittish), and Cinnamon (a female, also very skittish).

The Squirrel Obstacle Course/Habitrail is perched on a picnic table, right in front of the office entrance. You can’t miss it when you walk in.

The Squirrel Obstacle Course in an early phase.

The Squirrel Obstacle Course in an early phase. That’s a squirrel in the cantilevered tube on the right.

As you can see it’s made from used drink bottles and cardboard boxes. And a LOT of tape.

It’s my pride and joy. But, wait! There’s more…

Knot A Clew is the name of the sailboat I was on. Seriously.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Knot A Clew. It’s like they knew I was coming aboard.

The sailboat Knot A Clew.

“Knot A Clew”… I’m sure they named it after me. This should totally be my boat.

I don’t even need to make this stuff up, it just finds me. Like flies find fly paper.

“Not a clue” is the theme of my life, particularly when it comes to dating. Thankfully, this wasn’t a date.

Sail of Knot a Clew

Probably one of the better photos I’ve taken in a while – or will take for another long while. So much for that photography class in college. I knew that “B” was generous.

Two friends own this aptly named sailboat. They’ve just started a blog about their misadventures with the boat, The Misadventures of the SV Knot a Clew. Considering some of the hilarious stories they’ve already told me, it’s sure to be a funny blog. Plus, they use real cameras so their photos will be better than mine.

Setting Sail for San Jose Island

But, wait! There’s more…

Guest Post: A Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Oh hai internet! Dis ar teh anothr guest post frum teh kitteh. Remembr me? Sure u do! Mah hooman often talkz bout me. Im also teh co-pilot on her rv trip around teh country. I doan read maps yet, but Im lernin.

(Editor’s note: The following is a holiday letter from my cat and I to the interwebs. It’s written in LOL speak, and you can find more of it plus many funny cat pictures at ICanHasCheezeburger.com. If you don’t like LOL Speak, feel free to skip this.

Some of you are new here, and probably haven’t seen this letter before. Every year I send a similar letter from my cat to my patient and understanding friends and relatives. I say ‘patient and understanding’ because they have yet to lock me up. But there’s always tomorrow.)

Reindeer Christmas display in Northern California.

I took this really awesome video of a fantastic light display for you all - twice - but there was an issue both times. Sorry. Instead, here's a crappy out-of-focus photo. Yeah, I'm about as good with giving the right gift, too.

Da Kitteh’s Holiday Letter to da Interwebz

Iz tiem again 4 da holidai update lettr frum teh kitteh! Since mah hooman an all her relativez enjoy them so mutch, im doin them evry yer nao. Im vry happeh 2 do dis post 4 u, 2. But, wait! There’s more…