Author’s Note: The first part of this post is not funny, at all. In fact, it’s still quite sad for me. But then it gets a bit funny (in a bizarre, dating-sucks way) when I went to Bethany Beach in Delaware, and then it gets hopeful. I have some hilarious (or not) dating escapades to tell you all in the following posts, and a hopeful solution to my screwy dating life. But before I get to that, I have a confession of sorts to make…
It’s not really a confession so much as connecting some dots for you all, dots that I haven’t connected for you before. Actually it was one dot. The connection is this One Dot and I dated on and off for the last three and a half years. I’ve written about him a few times, although rather subtly in most cases. He is the one person I wrote about whom (I believe) I never gave a secret name, until now. While a few of you know who he is, and others can connect the dots, I won’t use his name. Instead, I will refer to him as Speck. Because, he’s not even a dot now, he’s just a speck. (This will make more sense when you read what happened.)
Speck transferred for work from Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, Texas, to Pennsylvania Rainforest/Dutch Country about a year and a half ago. At the time, his transferring many states away was the best thing that happened to me, him not being in my life my more.
But, I’m blond, none too bright, and have the tendencies of a lemming. Oooh, look at that perfectly good cliff – I think I’ll throw myself off it for funzies!
Enter Blond Lemming: I had to go and louse up a perfectly good, happy, Speck-free existence. We continued to see each other a bit, long distance. After talking about it late last year, we agreed I’d transfer to Pennsylvania and live in the same RV park.
Here’s where my story sounds like all those other stories you hear on daytime talk shows where the gal moves cross-country for the guy and it ends badly. And I hate that my story is a talk show cliche…
Turns out he’s been less-than-faithful or honest and I have only recently found out. Yes, it’s still raw. We live within visual distance of each other in the RV park. I asked if we could talk for a few minutes to see if we could come up with a solution to living within eyesight of each other. Do you know what he said? He said, ‘No. That’s life.’ And then he literally turned his back on me. I was shocked, and stood there with my mouth hanging open. I asked, ‘What did I ever do to you? Why are you so angry??’ He wouldn’t say a thing, and wouldn’t turn and face me.
Why don’t I move? RV parks in Pennsylvania aren’t like Texas… The relatively few parks are full for the season, or $1,200+ per month. Why doesn’t he move? He can afford to, but he’s not that nice. I tried to remain friends, or even be civil, but he’s not emotionally capable of either. Which leaves me no choice but to write about it since this blog doubles as my therapist. I’m sure he isn’t happy about it, but to quote him, ‘That’s life.’
I know my self-help program friends are all ‘Where is the love and tolerance? The forgiveness?’ Someday. But today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
I should have left well-enough alone a couple years ago, but noooo, I thought he was a good guy with a big heart. I accepted his issues, and saw the good in him. I believed in him. I trusted him.
And I’m a blond lemming. I never thought he’d be unfaithful or dishonest.
Ok, in order for the next post to have greater relevance, you all needed to know this bit of shameful lemming-like behavior. After relating an indecent proposal or two I received, something happened that gives me a bit of hope.
The Indecent Proposals post is longer than anticipated, so it’s now in two posts. Part one of Indecent Proposals is here.