Zombies, RV Life, and Random Craziness
- Willcox, Arizona, resting place of Warren Earp, Rex Allen and Koko the Horse.
- Happy Birthday! Checkers, the RV copilot, turned 18 today.
- Ten Things: Random Observations From the Road
- Put the hooker in the box, and the bird in the closet.
- “The Thing” in Dragoon, Arizona? It’s a dead thing.
- Bugzilla, my new roommate.
- Tombstones in Tombstone, Arizona
- Holy Flying Vampires, Y’all! The bugs are big in Texas.
- From the Ocean-to-Ocean Bridge to the Bridge to Nowhere, and shaking your dates in between.
- Severe Weather Alert: Like a cow pissin on a flat rock.
- The Center of the World, and two blondes in Mexico.
- Don’t make me get my gun out. Again.
- I got down, way down, in Calipatria.
- I was eaten by a giant dinosaur, and then I found millions of Zombie Fish.
- Cement boats, giant artichokes, old jails, and two-story outhouses.
- Ten Things You Must Know Before Buying a Used RV
- Train and Tumbleweed
- Giant Bunnies, Giant Monopoly Boards, and World’s Longest Garlic Braid. Welcome to Northern California.
- 28 Days Later
- Border Patrol = Reno 911
Pimpin my affiliates… Seriously, this blog can not survive on my writing alone.
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By Kernut, on April 26th, 2012%
(SPOILER ALERT: If you plan to see “The Thing?”, as advertised on the many signs along Highway 10 in Arizona, don’t read any further. They make an effort to keep The Thing? a secret until you get inside the third and last building in the little gas station/museum. However, photos of it are widely published on the internet, and the employee I spoke with said it was ok to write this article and include my photos. It’s totally worth the $1 entrance fee!)
If you’ve ever driven around southeastern Arizona, you’ve seen one of the 247 signs advertising “The Thing?”.
The mysterious Thing.
Every mile or so on I-10 there’s a sign:
“The Thing? What is it?”
“Mystery of the desert”
“Don’t miss The Thing?”
“You’re only 16 miles from The Thing?”
“See The Thing?”
247 signs. TWO-HUNDRED AND FORTY-SEVEN signs. In an often barren landscape with little else to look at you are their captive audience.
OK, FINE. I’ll see the damn Thing!
Don’t stop now! Continue reading “The Thing” in Dragoon, Arizona? It’s a dead thing.
By Kernut, on March 21st, 2011%
We interrupt our regularly scheduled post on my Match.com Misadventures to provide you all with much needed disaster preparedness information. You’re welcome.
 I'm sure this is what California will look like after THE BIG ONE. As y’all know I can be a bit panicky at times, while simultaneously possessing a tendency to do stupid things, much like a lemming would hurl itself off a perfectly good cliff for no apparent reason, or like when I ran from Martin Sheen when he was trying to rescue me.
You know, like normal folks wouldn’t.
After the massive explosion (caused by a faulty PG&E pipeline) in nearby San Bruno took out a whole neighborhood, I decided I needed a real, up-to-date emergency preparedness kit.
I know, I know. You think someone as panicky as myself, and also a Red Cross volunteer, would already have that covered. This is the point where I prove to you folks I don’t dye my hair.
Blond is the real color, people. Don’t stop now! Continue reading How A Panicky Lemming Prepares For Major Disasters
By Kernut, on February 17th, 2011%
First, my undying love and gratitude to those of you who purchased items from my “Zombie Life Is Good” store.
You. Guys. Are. Awesome.
(I still can’t believe it’s not really my family buying stuff, but they swear.)
In a burst of creativity, spurred by a plethora of weird match.com men, cling-ons, and utterly dull coffee dates, I made a few new things. I told several I was too busy “working” to go out with them. I was making these t-shirts. Yup, totally busy working.
My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student
 My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student - and he was tasty. Don’t stop now! Continue reading My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student – UPDATED
By Kernut, on October 28th, 2010%
  I zombied myself. This is also what I'll look like when I'm 80. In honor of Halloween, I’ve decided to assimilate.
They say it will only hurt a little in the beginning.
The other night I watched Daybreakers with Ethan Hawke. No, not with him in my living room, he’s in the movie. But you probably knew he wouldn’t be in my living room. (Great movie, by the way.)
At the very beginning, before you can start the movie, it asks you to choose: Human or Vampire.
I chose Zombie, obviously.
“Why?”, you ask. Let me explain…
One reason is this:
| Zombieland Survival Quiz
Your Result: 1-25
you will be sure to die the first day of a zombie outbreak u will be eaten by a horde of zombies and wont stand a chance cause your an idiot when it come to zombies
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| 26-50 |
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| 51-75 |
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| 76-100 |
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Zombieland Survival Quiz
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz |
(In bad English) It says I’ll survive ONE DAY! ONE DAY, PEOPLE! It also calls me an idiot when it comes to zombies. Ok, FINE. IT’S ON!
As if that wasn’t enough, and it is, the other reason is this: Don’t stop now! Continue reading Human or Zombie?
By Kernut, on October 1st, 2010%
 The Death of A Fly
Aren’t you glad you come here? Where else could you get such fascinating news as this? Nowhere, trust me.
A recent post about the death of a fly by my hot bloggy friend, A Vapid Blonde, reminded me of the torture we used to inflict as children on flies by making them pilots of small planes.
Criminal profilers say torturing small animals and insects is first act of future serial killers. Just a bit of foreshadowing that probably explains a lot about me now. And probably why I blog.
When we were little, my father taught us how to build small, light-weight paper airplanes. (I’ll skip the details of the airplane construction because I’d rather not contribute to the delinquency of other minors. Unlike my father. Hi Dad! He taught us all the great stuff like shooting, playing poker, and torturing flies by making them pilots.)
After capturing the fly, Don’t stop now! Continue reading The Gruesome Death of A Fly
By Kernut, on September 26th, 2010%
 Their tag line? “Close Combat Techniques… because you WILL run out of ammo.” Seriously, they’re right. You will. They ask us ‘When the dead rise, will you be able to dispatch them with a simple smile on your face and a witty comeback on your lips?’ I think not. These guys are really smart – they’re thinking ahead. They’re thinking OUTSIDE of the Zombie box, people. We need to do the same or we’re going to be left behind. That’s when I came up with the idea for Zombie Apocalypse Greeting Cards . . . → Read More: Greeting Cards for The Zombie Apocalypse
By Kernut, on August 28th, 2010%
This is what they look like. Keep an eye out. No, not like an eye out of your head, just look for them.
Serious studies have been undertaken by scientists on the likelihood of civilization’s survival in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.
I’m not making this up, people. Several scientific (?) groups have undertaken Zombology, the study of zombies, postulating the outcome of a zombie attack, and general zombie-preparedness. Finally, your tax dollars at work for something useful. Be proud your government cares so much for your survival they conducted zombie-attack scenarios on your behalf.
The studies agree zombies will be smarter, just like in the movies. Fifty years ago zombies were slow and not too bright, but now they’re quick, and resourceful tool users. Unfortunately, the studies don’t all agree on our survival: Some say civilization as we know it will survive, while others say we will all become zombies or die. This is not helpful.
A very conscientious friend sent me this Zombie Bite Calculator. He’s obviously concerned about the impending Zombie Apocalypse.
After a few quick questions, it calculated the length of time I’ll live after incurring a zombie bite before becoming infected. I’ll have an estimated 65 minutes. This is very useful information.
Now all I need is a “I’ve got 65 minutes to live” plan.
So I began to search Zombie Attack Survival Plans, of course. I found this quiz: Would You Survive A Zombie Attack?
My test results:
Would you survive a zombie . . . → Read More: Zombie Attack Plan – Got One?
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