Human or Zombie?

I zombied myself. This is also what I'll look like when I'm 80.

I zombied myself. This is also what I'll look like when I'm 80.

In honor of Halloween, I’ve decided to assimilate.

They say it will only hurt a little in the beginning.

The other night I watched Daybreakers with Ethan Hawke. No, not with him in my living room, he’s in the movie. But you probably knew he wouldn’t be in my living room. (Great movie, by the way.)

At the very beginning, before you can start the movie, it asks you to choose: Human or Vampire.

I chose Zombie, obviously.

“Why?”, you ask. Let me explain…

One reason is this:

Zombieland Survival Quiz

Your Result: 1-25

you will be sure to die the first day of a zombie outbreak u will be eaten by a horde of zombies and wont stand a chance cause your an idiot when it come to zombies

26-50
51-75
76-100
Zombieland Survival Quiz
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

(In bad English) It says I’ll survive ONE DAY! ONE DAY, PEOPLE! It also calls me an idiot when it comes to zombies. Ok, FINE. IT’S ON!

As if that wasn’t enough, and it is, the other reason is this: The date for the Zombie Apocalypse is set. It is Dec 22, 2010, the day after the Mayan calendar ends.

Sure we have a little time, but why wait? I want to beat the rush.

Besides all that, the first one to turn gets to be Queen of the Zombies. I’ve always wanted to be Queen of something. This is my calling – I can feel it. Thank goodness I’m not prone to delusions of grandeur.

Here’s the Zombie Apocalypse 2012 event on Facebook, and what they have to say:

The Zombie Apocalypse on Facebook

The time is finally set. The day of the dead is coming, so make sure you have your Zombie Survival Plan ready.

Many people are concerned about December 21, 2012, the alleged end of the world. This is just a ploy to hide the real day of reckoning, December 22, 2012, THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! Grab your sawed-off shotgun, baseball bat and your running shoes and be prepared to kill or be killed!

Oh, and by the way, you’ve got some red on you.

There are around 230,000 people signed up and they plan to fight the zombies. I say we infiltrate and conquer!

Why choose to assimilate when so many are ready to fight? I see it this way… If enough of us join now, we will be in the majority by the time this hits. Let’s infiltrate their groups, and then strike at the right moment!

We will rule the world! We will farm the brains of those humans who refuse to assimilate! We’ll lock them up in massive medical banks,similar to blood banks, but instead of blood we’ll grow them for their brains.

It’s a truly ingenious plan, as I’m sure you can tell.

I say we act now and be prepared to conquer the humans when the Zombie Apocalypse comes! Our motto: Assimilate or Die!

As your humble servant self-appointed Queen of the Zombies, I promise to be a benevolent ruler. I will only eat the brains of those who refuse to assimilate.

The Blog Gang is at it again. The topic, if you haven’t already guessed, is Halloween. Have a safe and Happy Halloween! Also, go read their posts linked below.

But before you leave, tell me… Do you plan to assimilate or shall I have you for breakfast?

Your Humble Servant Queen of the Zombies

Comments

Human or Zombie? — 18 Comments

    • Daybreakers isn’t very scary. I’m not a fan of slasher flicks like Saw or Freddy and Jason, either.

      I heard that about the Mayan calendar. I’m bummed because I’ve been working on a great post about it, and why it ends where it does. Seriously, this sucks. I’m going to have to call those scientists heretics or I may have to re-write the post.

    • Hmmm, but have I sufficiently persuaded you to come to the dark side? Human or Zombie? Either is good. We will need food, you know. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Most excellent! No, no, we will not eat the brains of our fellow zombies.

      And, as one of the first to assimilate, you may nominate others whom you would like to see farmed. Perhaps an ex-husband? Ex-boyfriend? Mean boss or co-worker?

    • Now that you mention it, I can picture Ethan Hawke in my living room, watching a movie, on my couch, naked…

      Ok, I’m back.

      Yes, you’re right – he would make and excellent servant to the Queen of the Zombies.

      As one of the first to pledge your allegiance, you may recommend someone for farming, or someone to be forced into assimilation…. who is the hotty of your choice?

  1. I’m glad you pointed out that Ethan Hawk wasn’t actually in your living room, I am VERY literal and totally read it that way and would have been thrown off by it the rest of the post for sure. LOL

    Hrrrmmmm, assimilate or have you eat me for breakfast? I say let’s assimilate! :)

    • Welcome dear! Ah, yes the photo. It’s supposed to be “zombie me”, but that’s as good as the software gets, I guess: It just makes you look 80.

      Hmmm, dating 80 years olds might work for me. They sure would be easier to catch!

  2. Awesome Zombie picture! Seriously you would be so more than one day. Look at all of the practical Zombie killing advice you’ve gotten from the Bloggess! One day my bulbus buttocks! It is totally on!
    Jenn’s last post ..Babalooo!!!

    • Glad to have you on board for the infiltration of the humans! Yes, The Bloggess is most knowledgeable. I hope she decides to join us.