For Ten Things Tuesday, a Dating Rant…
Ten Reasons Dating Sucks
A.k.a. Ten Reasons Not to Divorce, which could lead to dating. Just like smoking, dating can be dangerous for your health.
If you’re single, you’ve probably experienced many of these yourself. I would love to hear your stories in the comments. Considering divorce? Well, here’s what life would be like once you were ready to date again…
1. People are weird. That’s it. Myself included. After a certain age, the shallow end of the gene pool is what’s left.
2. And unless you’re still young and innocent, you’ve probably become choosy, not unlike myself. When I was 20, I didn’t know what I liked or wanted in a significant other, but thought I did. Now I’m XX older, and know exactly what I like and want in a significant other. When they say ‘Ignorance is bliss’, they aren’t kidding. The hard part is knowing.
3. This could happen to you: I seem to attract either married/separated men or those with severe head injuries. I wish I was kidding. As an ex-P.I., I’ve learned to run background checks on potential partners. There are some scary-ass criminals on Match.com, and they always seemed to find my profile. I think it’s my superpower, which is also my kryptonite: My blond hair. It attracts all kinds.
4. Those listed in #3 also seem to be commitmentphobics, emotionally stunted, or walking hormones just looking for a lay (nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want). The next item in this list is a great way to weed them out.
5. It takes about two to three months of spending time with someone to have a good idea of who they really are and what they’re really like. Wait until then before you sleep with them. Trust me. You’ll respect yourself in the morning.
6. There’s the wait to see who will be the first to fart in front of the other. I’ve never won, and then I’m perpetually mortified for the rest of the relationship.
7. During an email conversation, a regular reader reminded me of this last week: The tests. Yes, once you decide they’re worthy of the horizontal bop, there are the blood tests. Don’t pass the test = Do not pass Go. He said something to the effect ‘…it’s not worth my life…’. Truer words, folks.
8. After reading The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life by Dr. Daniel G. Amen, I’m afraid to date anyone who hasn’t had a brain scan. Dr. Amen even has his daughters’ boyfriends get a scan after four months of dating. He explains how even very simple, ages-old, childhood head injuries, the use of drugs or alcohol, or even working around solvents can cause terrible, often otherwise undetectable, brain damage. Without a brain scan, this brain damage is only evident in negative behavior, anger-management issues, inability to maintain a long-term relationship or job, and the list goes on. It’s scared me to no end. You can’t see inside of a brain without the $3,375 scan.
Ok, I don’t have ten things for this one. Which is probably the reason I keep dating, despite the reasons not to… it still outweighs being single in some ways. Or I’m desperate. Could be that one.
You can help me finish this list. I’d love to hear your dating dilemmas, horror stories, or warnings for the dating masses or those about to be single.
UPDATED: It seems I was able to come up with many more reasons not to date. Enough for a whole post: Ten Things: Ten Reasons Dating REALLY Sucks