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Ten Reasons Dating Sucks

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

For Ten Things Tuesday, a Dating Rant…

If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you

Another reason not to date – the broken heart.

Ten Reasons Dating Sucks

A.k.a. Ten Reasons Not to Divorce, which could lead to dating. Just like smoking, dating can be dangerous for your health.

If you’re single, you’ve probably experienced many of these yourself. I would love to hear your stories in the comments. Considering divorce? Well, here’s what life would be like once you were ready to date again…

1. People are weird. That’s it. Myself included. After a certain age, the shallow end of the gene pool is what’s left. 

2. And unless you’re still young and innocent, you’ve probably become choosy, not unlike myself. When I was 20, I didn’t know what I liked or wanted in a significant other, but thought I did. Now I’m XX older, and know exactly what I like and want in a significant other. When they say ‘Ignorance is bliss’, they aren’t kidding. The hard part is knowing.

3. This could happen to you: I seem to attract either married/separated men or those with severe head injuries. I wish I was kidding. As an ex-P.I., I’ve learned to run background checks on potential partners. There are some scary-ass criminals on Match.com, and they always seemed to find my profile. I think it’s my superpower, which is also my kryptonite: My blond hair. It attracts all kinds.

4. Those listed in #3 also seem to be commitmentphobics, emotionally stunted, or walking hormones just looking for a lay (nothing wrong with that if it’s what you want). The next item in this list is a great way to weed them out.

5. It takes about two to three months of spending time with someone to have a good idea of who they really are and what they’re really like. Wait until then before you sleep with them. Trust me. You’ll respect yourself in the morning.

6. There’s the wait to see who will be the first to fart in front of the other. I’ve never won, and then I’m perpetually mortified for the rest of the relationship.

7. During an email conversation, a regular reader reminded me of this last week: The tests. Yes, once you decide they’re worthy of the horizontal bop, there are the blood tests. Don’t pass the test = Do not pass Go. He said something to the effect ‘…it’s not worth my life…’. Truer words, folks.

8. After reading The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life by Dr. Daniel G. Amen, I’m afraid to date anyone who hasn’t had a brain scan. Dr. Amen even has his daughters’ boyfriends get a scan after four months of dating. He explains how even very simple, ages-old, childhood head injuries, the use of drugs or alcohol, or even working around solvents can cause terrible, often otherwise undetectable, brain damage. Without a brain scan, this brain damage is only evident in negative behavior, anger-management issues, inability to maintain a long-term relationship or job, and the list goes on. It’s scared me to no end. You can’t see inside of a brain without the $3,375 scan.

Ok, I don’t have ten things for this one. Which is probably the reason I keep dating, despite the reasons not to… it still outweighs being single in some ways. Or I’m desperate. Could be that one.

You can help me finish this list. I’d love to hear your dating dilemmas, horror stories, or warnings for the dating masses or those about to be single.

UPDATED: It seems I was able to come up with many more reasons not to date. Enough for a whole post: Ten Things: Ten Reasons Dating REALLY Sucks

 

Comments

Ten Reasons Dating Sucks — 31 Comments

  1. This is some good shit. You need to print this out in stackfuls and distribute it in women’s restrooms in bars everywhere.

    I probably shouldn’t give any dating advice since I’ve dated all the losers on the planet. The men who lie about their height because they wear shoe lifts, the men who have been incarcerated, the men who think that Del Taco is a date place, the men that think that dating 15 year olds are okay, the men who think education is unimportant and scoffs at anyone who goes to school.

    So, probably, if I’ve dated that man, it’s a safe bet he’s a loser and no one should date him after me.

    • LOL I hear ya sister!
      They often do seem to lie about their height, or shave a couple years off their age, especially on the dating sites. Not a great start to a relationship for sure.

  2. Pingback:Ten Things I Like About Being Single And Ten Things I Don't Like About Being Single - Kernut The Blond

  3. Love is compatible neuroses.
    I learned to enjoy dating about a decade ago. I let go of any idea that I knew what I was doing or what it was that I thought I wanted because my track record said I obviously couldnt live up to that idea myself since I wasnt attracting that. Instead I just went on dates. With no expectations. I saw it as adventures in spending time with someone to see whether I wanted to spend more time with them. I didnt fuck. And I paid close attention to what my feelings about the girl sitting across from me told me about ME. (and trust me, women dating dont corner the market on attracting weirdos!) Enjoy the adventure!

    • I’m all about the adventure – it’s my raison d’etre! 🙂 I tend to find most of the men I date have expectations already in place. There was one recent exception, but I think he’s in the commitmentphobic realm anyway. Nonetheless, I continue to look for my compatible neurotic. Dr. Amen had said/joked about starting Brainmatch.com – a dating service for those who’d been brain scanned. I checked – he didn’t start it. I’m bummed because I would sign up in a heartbeat!

  4. #10. The people you meet online are seldom as they appear. Studies show that 1 in every three people on dating sites are actually married, cheating spouses. Surprisingly women lead men by a small margin over half.

    #11. When you begin an online relationship, you need to datamine on that person and find out as many things as possible. True case. I met a wonderful woman who always sounded sexy and just talking on chat made me flushed and start to sweat. I was certain she was the catch of a lifetime. Annabelle, was in fact a porn star who specializes in role play fantasy of all types. She always knew exactly what to say. Everything I wanted to hear. Could build you up in a couple minutes and you would have run for president the next morning. I cant say one bad thing about her. But she was bored and playing with men online in her spare time. People play games on the internet. Be careful. You never know who your talking to.

    • So true!! Both #10 and #11 are great advice. I didn’t do well with Match.com, and even worse on eHarmony.

      Lots of dishonest folks (of both genders) online, hiding behind their computers. Take me for example – I stole that picture up above. I’m really a 12 year old boy, as evidenced by my drawings on the Zombie Life Is Good page. 😉

  5. Almost forgot #9. People will date you as Augie mentioned for a holiday escort, or to have you lined up for some event, they dont want to bring their real crush, who is usually a scumbag and needs to stay hidden.

    • There was this guy a previous job who was just like that – around this time of year he’d start making the rounds of the single females at work. None of us ever dated him, and we all talked about his attempts. He’d do it year after year to the same gals.

  6. Where was this when I was dating? I was fucking stupid when I was dating and made a lot of terrible mistakes. I attracted a lot of “former criminals,” in my day, and got real damn lucky with Adrian.

    But the blonde–the blonde is your weapon. Use it wisely, young one.

    • Ah, I wish I had this 20 years ago. Of course, it’s those same 20 years in which I gathered this information.

      The blond hair is definitely a superpower, but the same thing that makes it a superpower makes it a double-edged sword.

  7. As someone who just got engaged and thankfully never will have to date again I can tell you first hand…Yes People are weird.

    I’m 45 and have a fine tuned bullshit detector. I knew after 2 weeks that my chickie was the one for the happily ever after card. Lucky…definitely…because their are a lot of weirdos out there! Good Luck and Godspeed to you!!!

    • Where did you two meet, if you don’t mind my asking. I love to know where people met in the hope I can do the same and get the same results. Bars and Match.com just haven’t worked for me 😉

      • We met in a bar…go figure. I was there with friends and the only straight friend knew her and asked her to sit with us. We just hit it off.

        • I had a fake ID when I was 18 and spent many a night haunting the bars for many yeas. Never ever worked out well for me. Actually, it usually tuned out badly.

          I’m happy to hear it works for others! I know another couple who met in a bar and have been together for well over 20 years now.

          • My family is weird with meeting their partners. My sister met her husband when he defended her on assault charges for punching a cop, lol.

          • Sounds like good blog fodder to me! My family is wary of me writing about them. I should never have told them about this blog… I would have so much more to write about!

  8. I don’t think I’ve read about a book that I am more scared of reading – though my fear isn’t targeted so much towards my dates as towards me! I’ve used cleaning solvents. And I’ve possibly strongly hit my head but forgot it – you know, with the resulting memory loss.

    I fear this might haunt me.

    • LOL I’ve been telling everyone about the book, and many have the same reaction as you. I guess I was already resigned to the fact that my brain needed some help, but I didn’t know what until I read the book.

  11. I am working my way through my blogroll this evening and I just wanted you to know that since you were just on my blog and I was just about to click over here when I saw your comment.

    Also #6, I can’t believe you fart.

  12. First of all, if you are going to weed out everyone with an abnormal brain, you are going to weed out EVERYONE. See your first point – people are weird. You are SO right that the older you get the less tolerant of other people’s crap you become. I have been married twice – the first guy I met through work, and we are still friends. Just didn’t work. The current husband I met on match.com. After being on there for two weeks. I SO LUCKED OUT. But before he showed up, I found out that I appealed to an odd demographic – the over 50 special education teacher. Really? Who knew there were that many out there to begin with.

    • Yes, you totally lucked out only being on Match for two weeks AND meeting your hubby! Way to go!

      Hmm, Match.com and the over 50 special ed teacher, eh? Over 50 is a good age group for me, never dated a teacher, tho. Maybe I should try it, and give Match another shot?

  13. I’ve just resigned myself to single after the divorce. I just am too set in my ways and don’t have the energy for the games anymore…is that selfish? NAW…

    • Sorry to hear about your divorce. I know what you mean – single is so much easier once you reach a “certain age”. Not that I’m that age. Nope, I’m 27 – ALWAYS 27. (ok, sometimes I’m 29).

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