Category Archives: Queen of The Zombies

Tales From the RV Park: Kernut vs. Critters

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

 

If you’re just joining the saga of Kernut vs Zombie Rat, click here.

*sigh*

I hate glue traps. (I may be living in rural areas, but I am not a cowgirl. I am a Glamper, raised in the highly sheltered confines of the suburban ecosystem.)

In the saga of Kernut vs. Zombie Rat, the bait, rat, and snap trap had all disappeared, but were replaced with a plethora of poos. (Poos left by the rat, not by me… Just thought I should clarify that.)

In light of subsequent events, this saga will henceforth be called Kernut vs. Critters.

I hate glue traps. Have a I mentioned that before? Maybe once or twice?

Shortly after posting Kernut vs. Critters, part 1, I discovered a massive nest built on top of my RV gas tank. It had branches (complete with leaves), sticks, rags, a large drinking straw, a spoon, and a ball of shredded fibers the size of a cantaloupe. In addition, it was littered with a gazillion acorns and acorn shells.

I can only assume the drinking straw and spoon were used for the finer dining experiences.

Suspiciously missing from the massive nest were three pairs But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: Zombie Rat 8, Kernut 0

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

The zombie rat is winning.

Life in an RV includes unwanted critters, more so than with a regular home. It’s a fact of RV life… you’re often in or near beautiful, undeveloped areas, the kind of undeveloped areas where most wild critters live. I’m about ten minutes or less from civilization, but still in a fairly undeveloped area. It’s lovely and peaceful and full of everything from deer to mice, and a few mosquitoes.

I began hearing things “go bump in the night” a few weeks ago: a bump on the underside of the RV, a bump in the front. I wondered what critter had enough body mass to make a thud that reverberated through the chassis. And then Pye started sitting in the well of the driver’s seat, where your feet go, staring at the wall that separates the peddles from the engine.

She began sitting there all. night. long. So, I began searching for evidence of what she heard.

I found rodent foot prints all over the engine, some evidence of chewed insulation and wire covering. (Rat 1, Kernut 0)

I got out the mothballs, covered the area with them. I was unable to get the round mothballs to stay put in the vertical engine, and the rat seemed undeterred by the mothballs in its path. (Rat 2, Kernut 0)

I graduated to a metal snap trap, and set it with cheese… But, wait! There’s more…

Mutter Museum: I saw dead people and it was gross.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

All things considered, I’m still glad I went.

Ok, so for those of you who know me, this will be a surprise. For those of you who don’t know me, let me tell you a little about myself…

When it comes to medical stuff, it takes a lot to gross me out. Ok, needles and gaping wounds do gross me out. Although, I really wanted to see my surgery photos – and that was cool. When I did wildlife rescue, I learned to suture wounds and give injections. That creeped me out because I do not like sticking anything with a needle. 

Giant skeleton at Mutter Museum in Philadelphia, PA.

Giant skeleton at Mutter Museum in Philadelphia, PA. Umm, do we have the same forehead? That’s disturbing.

I am not freaked out or offended by death or open casket funerals. So it should be no surprise it has been my long-time desire to see the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia. For those of you that don’t know, the Mutter Museum is dedicated to medical oddities. Bodies, parts, dissected errant growths, freaky medical tools, and a lot of embalmed things in jars.

Of all the odd things I saw, But, wait! There’s more…

I told my therapist about you. Because the zombie apocalypse is coming and you need a shirt.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

 

By now you’re all aware of The Great RV Roll-about.

Maybe more so than you’d like.

Hey, it could be worse – this could be another post about my cat.

For those of you living vicariously through my experiences, I thought you’d like a few t-shirts and bumper stickers from places you haven’t yet been.

If you have a shirt that says “I stood on the corner in Winslow, Arizona” or a bumper sticker that says “I’ve been to Purgatory and back… Purgatory Correctional Facility, Utah” people will think you’ve been there.

And that you’re cool. Naturally.

No need to tell them you haven’t been.

Or, if you have been there, now you can get the shirt you forgot to buy.

Yup, I’m helpful that way. You’re welcome.

But, wait! There’s more…

My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student – UPDATED

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

First, my undying love and gratitude to those of you who purchased items from my “Zombie Life Is Good” store.

You. Guys. Are. Awesome.

(I still can’t believe it’s not really my family buying stuff, but they swear.)

In a burst of creativity, spurred by a plethora of weird match.com men, cling-ons, and utterly dull coffee dates, I made a few new things. I told several I was too busy “working” to go out with them. I was making these t-shirts. Yup, totally busy working.

My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student

My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student

My Zombie Ate Your Honor Student - and he was tasty.

But, wait! There’s more…