Tag Archives: Love

Happy Friday 5 – Love him like you own him.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

[Note: On or about Fridays, I’m posting five things that I’m enjoying, that inspire me, or that make me happy. I’m totally ripping off this concept from Tim Ferriss’ 5-Bullet Friday. Where Tim’s five bullet points are typically highly useful mini life hacks and recommendations, mine are semi-useful life hacks mixed with more fluff, which means a cute puppy or kitty picture here and there or something about dating/sex/romance/relationships.]

Love on the beach.

Love on the beach.

Love him/her like you own him/her.

Here’s your Happy Friday 5:

What I’m reading again: Gerald Rogers’ viral article “Marriage Advice I wish I would have had…” Twenty tips on how to have an exceptional relationship. Check out and take note of #1, #4, #8, #12… aww heck, they’re all fantastic. Take note, young suitors.

What I’m listening to: “Cleveland County Blues” by John Moreland. Hella moving lyrics. It’s about a tornado in Oklahoma, but not really a tornado. (Don’t ask, just play it.) My favorite line: “I could bury all the memories. I could patch up all the holes. But I’d still feel your fingers on my soul.” This song has left fingerprints on mine.

What I’m taking: St John’s Wort. Touted as a ‘mood-enhancing’ herb, this over-the-counter supplement is having interesting (and rather positive) effects on things other than my mood. I was taking it before my surgery early last year but, per my doctor’s request, I stopped taking it before the operation. Even though I was given the “ok”, I didn’t continue after I was off the pain meds as I didn’t see a need. But, in an effort to stave off further bouts of depression, I started taking it again – and I’m really enjoying the effects. (Note: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on the interwebs. Take this with a grain of salt, under a doctor’s supervision, and at your own risk.) But, wait! There’s more…

Lessons From Zen Master Pye – Feeding the Cat

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On the third anniversary of the date Pye graced my doorstep with her presence, I think it no small coincidence the Pope graced the U.S. with his presence. I watched the ceremonies with rapt attention. I’m not Catholic, but I do greatly respect Pope Francis and appreciate what he’s doing for the Catholic church and Christianity as a whole. 

In honor of these two great events, the third anniversary of Life with Pye and Pope Francis’ visit to the U.S., I present another guest post from Zen Master Pye: Feeding the Cat. For those of you wondering, per Zen Master Pye’s insistence I have converted most of her LOLspeak to English for the ease of learning the lessons. 

Pye fishing for a minnow.

Pye fishing for a minnow. (Don’t worry – the minnow was never in any real danger.)

Lesson Two – Feeding the Cat

Oh Hai! This iz Zen Master Pye, your teacher in teh wayz of the Zen from da kittehs point of view. Today we will learn about feeding da cat Zen Master and the importance of doing so in a timely manner.

If the kitteh wakes you before the sun rises, this means it is time to feed the kitteh. But, wait! There’s more…

Why We Have Pets

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Why do we have pets?

This even looks like Pye. A friend sent it. It's from http://icanhas.cheezburger.com/lolcats .

This even looks like Pye. (From http://icanhas.cheezburger.com/lolcats)

Not that I don’t sometimes wonder why I have Pye as a pet, but my question is why do we have pets in general?

We feed, shelter, groom and care for these foreign-looking beings. They’re covered in fur, walk on four paws, and may make a lot of noise. They scratch or dirty the furniture, and often make messes in inappropriate places. (Like when Pye peed on my bed because I was losing my shirt at WinStar without her.) They may even bite or scratch.

Yet, we pet owners tolerate it all. The question is, Why?

My mom recently recounted a story about her cat Zaki barfing on the bed after a traumatic experience at the groomer’s. Ah, the joys of kitty ownership! Hairballs But, wait! There’s more…

Oh my, how you’ve changed

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Happy New Year, my dear Kernutties!

New Year’s is my favorite holiday, for a lot of reasons, but mostly for the fresh beginning. (I’ve always held a secret desire to get married on New Year’s Day.) I read something today that said we don’t have to wait a whole year, but instead can make every day a Happy New Day.

So, Happy New Day!

Today, January 1st, 2015, I turned fourteen years sober. That day is a bit unique as a sobriety date and people often ask me, “How did you do it?”

“I passed out before midnight on December 31st,” I deadpan. (Only alcoholics will get this.)

Most folks answer, “One day at a time.”

The truth is it had nothing to do with passing out before midnight; I couldn’t have done it without the fellowship, and those who’ve gone before me, lighting the way. Thank you all, for my sobriety.

This includes my readers – you have been there for me, too, whether you know it or not. Your comments, your emails, even those of you who don’t contact me (I see your numbers in the stats), just knowing you’re out there and interested enough to read my drivel makes me feel connected to you all in some small way and I love you for it.

Since it’s my sober birthday, I get to write what I want. Today I want to write one of my less-than-stellar “poems” (for lack of a better word). It doesn’t rhyme well, and it’s probably grammatically incorrect (not that I’d know). This one isn’t even happy or funny, but this blog doubles as my therapist. Sorry. Feel free to skip this and come back for the next post, which is bound to be better by default.

But, wait! There’s more…

Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Editor’s Note: Every year my cat writes a Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh. This started several years ago after I received a very proper Holiday Letter from some relatives.

I used to write an English version and an LOL Speak version. I would then place the version I thought most favored by the recipient into their Christmas card, and mail it off. I did get some strange looks from a few friends that first year, but most took it in stride. (Eh, screw ’em if they can’t take a joke. I’m too old secure to care.)

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmaaaaasss."

LOLSpeak, also known as LOLCat when used by cats. The singing is optional.

That first year, I sent the LOL Speak version to my 86-year-old grandmother on a whim. Not owning a computer or being tech savvy, she had never seen LOL Speak.

But that didn’t matter; she LOVED it. My 86-year-old grandmother “got” LOL Speak. She said she laughed so hard tears streamed down her face. She brought it down to dinner at the retirement home and read it to her dinner companions, who also loved it. She loved the letter more than anyone else has ever expressed to me. Nothing makes me happier than to know my writing makes someone laugh, and especially that it did that for my grandmother.

Last year, my grandmother, and Checkers, my co-pilot and the original writer of the Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh, both passed away. I couldn’t bring myself to do a letter.

This year, Pye will write her first Holiday Letter From The Kitteh. I hope you enjoy it as much as my grandmother would have. But, wait! There’s more…

The Life of Pye: Puss in boots, one year later.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s been a year since Pye appeared on my doorstep. A year of learning about relationships, for both of us. Yes, I’m referring to my cat as if she’s a person. If you’re new here, please see the tag line under the title of this blog for the explanation.

We’re going to skip what I’ve learned about relationships this past year or so; I’ll save that for another time. Let’s move on to Pye for now, shall we?

What we’ve all learned about Pye in the last year:

We learned that Pye doesn’t sleep, and keeps me up at night.

We learned Pye likes to drink from my water cup. I don’t like this because I know where her tongue has been.

We learned Pye doesn’t know what to do with a live fish. She likes to think she’s wild, but she’s not. Not even a little.

We learned that Pye will run away in a moment of panic (gee, I have NO idea what that’s like), but will return 30 hours later.

We learned Pye has a foot fetish. Apparently, she has a boot fetish as well. Hey, I like cowboy boots, too, but don’t you think Pye is taking it a bit far?

"Kitteh luv dat boot."

“Kitteh luv dat boot.” (These photos are crappier than usual because I used my cell phone. YES, that’s my excuse.)

"Mmmm, kitteh fink boot smell gud."

“Mmmm, kitteh fink boot smell gud.”

"Hold meh, Boot. Hold da kitteh."

“Hold meh, Boot. Hold da kitteh. Luv da kitteh.”

I have a “no shoes on in the RV” kind of carpet. These boots were not next to my bed. Not that I wouldn’t mind a pair next to my bed. Just sayin’.

And now we learn:   But, wait! There’s more…

Ten Things Tuesday: I Pray For Roadkill

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

This post is a mish-mash of Ten Things Tuesday randomness from the past week. It’s not Tuesday, I know, and there may not be exactly Ten Things in this post. If you’re one of those folks who is a tad OCD about such things, I recommend coming back to read this post on Tuesday. Then all will be right with the world.

(I am not poking fun – I have a few of my own OCD “preferences”: Clothes in closet hanging by “rainbow order” is just one of them. Rainbow order is a term I made up as a kid to describe how my 64 Crayola Crayons HAD to be arranged in the box. My little sister, Chickenbone, would use them and it would freak me out if they weren’t back in the right order. I don’t have crayons anymore so now the clothes in my closet get the rainbow treatment. Chickenbone has never seen the inside of my adult closets.)

 

My grandmother and me in 2011.

My grandmother and me in 2011 when she got to see the RV. (Yes, I know my head is cut off, but this is my best recent picture of her and I together.)

My grandmother passed away a few days before Christmas. She lived a long happy life and died at the age of 91. In later years she always told me, ‘Have a good time. Whatever you’re doing, just have a good time.’ She said it as if this was the most important thing she’d learned in her long life. I’ve been making more and more decisions based on her advice. But, wait! There’s more…

It’s ALIVE! or How Pyewacket is like the Energizer Bunny.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Like a song you can’t stop singing, this famous one-liner from Frankenstein is stuck in my head: “It’s ALIVE!!”

Because It’s Alive. All. The. Time.

And because I’m losing sleep.

[I suppose I should provide an update to Pyewacket’s peeing problem for those who may have missed it. A trip to the vet confirmed her peeing outside of the box was not “creative thinking” on her part, but was behavioral in nature. The vet suggested I keep doing what I started the night before: sequestering her in a small room with only her food, water, bed, and litter box until she learned to use ONLY the litter box. After every couple days without any “creative peeing”, I expanded her territory to include some of the areas and items once peed-on (but now cleaned). After a successful week she was given full access again.

It’s been a couple weeks since the visit to the vet, and one whole week out of kitty confinement, and all seems well. In fact, the sequestering seems to enhanced her already sweet disposition, she’s even more cuddly than before.]

Now to explain why the phrase “It’s ALIVE!” is running incessantly through my head…

At night when it’s time to go to sleep and I snuggle in bed, Pyewacket thinks this is A: The Time of The Great Grooming, and B: The Time of The Attack of The Bed Sheets

While both of those titles are a bit self-explanatory, I feel the need to further elaborate.

The Time of The Great Grooming

The Time of The Great Grooming, in bed and propped against my *sleeping* legs for support.

In regards to The Time of The Great Grooming, But, wait! There’s more…

I’ve been adopted by a cat named Pyewacket

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She adopted me. Really.

I say the park stray kitten adopted me because she showed up at my doorstep, spent a couple days checking me out, and then moved in.

Now she doesn’t want to go outside. Ever.

The Rangers and I first noticed her in the park about four days earlier. I tried a few times to coax her over to me, but she would have none of it.

Last weekend I dreamed about Checkers for the first time since her passing, if ever. It was a good dream, I got to hold her, she was happy and sitting in her favorite spot in the RV.

The next morning I went outside to empty the holding tanks (so I could take a shower without the water coming up the drain), when I see the stray kitten dart under my car. I look underneath the car, but don’t see her.

???

Then the chassis started meowing.

So I meowed back. What was I supposed to do? Don’t pretend you wouldn’t have meowed to the chassis, too.

Again the chassis meowed. So, again, I meowed in return.

This meowing back and forth went on for a while. I put out food, she came down from inside the chassis and ate her weight in cat food. While she ate, I went to take that shower (before my odor could scare her off). At that time she was hiding up in the RV chassis.

When I came outside an hour later, she was napping on my doorstep.

?!?!

The first scene replayed (meowing, eating), and then I went inside, leaving the door open. This happened next… But, wait! There’s more…

In Loving Memory of the World’s Best Companion and RV Copilot

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

This is a sad post, but I feel I owe it to you all to let you know.

My raison d'etre.

My raison d’etre doing what she loved best.

Checkers, my loving and faithful companion of 18 years, passed away today. I always knew this day would come, but that doesn’t make it easier. (If you need to catch up on the adventures of Checkers, the RV Copilot and World’s Best Kitty, start here: Kernut is selling a kidney.)

Checkers was my raison d’etre.

I’ve had her since she was six weeks old. It’s been almost 18 years to the day since I got her from the Humane Society. She lived with me longer than any of my relatives (parents and sibling). She outlasted boyfriends – even one who foolishly thought I would get rid of her when he asked. (You’ll notice he is looong gone.) She got me through more than one nasty breakup and she got me through some very dark times. I owe her more than I could ever repay.

I know she’s still with me in spirit. I’ve saved a lock of her fur for when I go see the Largest Ball of Twine. I think she would have liked it.

May the angels keep you and bless you and guide you home. xoxo

I Love You People! But, wait! There’s more…