They ask, ‘Why are you single??’ or ‘Why haven’t you been married??’
But when they ask, with face half turned and narrowed eye, the tone says: “Is there something wrong with you that I can’t see??” (Uh, not trying to hide it. At all. Pay attention.)
Or it sounds like “How could you even WANT to be single? Isn’t it scary?” (Nope, kinda nice actually. I don’t have to check in with anyone before I go somewhere and my scissors are always where I left them. How about you? Do you know where your scissors are?)
I am asked this all the time. All. The. F’n. Time. The frequency with which I get asked that question never ceases to amaze me. Nor does the unending curiosity. Seriously, even I’m not that interested in my own status.
Speculating what makes certain people so curious, I’ve observed the following…
The “inquiring minds” run the gamut: single men who may (or may not) be interested in dating me and are perhaps leery (as they should be), my relatives, who just don’t get it, but most often it’s married couples.
It’s the married, and sometimes divorced, women who seem most concerned about my status. I suspect they are secretly pondering what “might have been” had they never walked down the aisle or had kids. (Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?)
The potential suitors and my relatives may have suspected I was gay, but by now I’m sure they, my relatives at least, realize that’s not the case. I have a few ex-boyfriends who can vouch for that… Although, I would happily trade the less-than-stellar experiences for having my family continue to wonder about my sexual preferences. (heh heh)
So if you’ve clicked this post, you’re probably wondering the answer, too. Fine.
“Fine” is an acronym: F = Frustrated, I = Insecure, N = Neurotic, E = Emotional. Mmm K? Kidding. A little.
If you must know why I’ve never been married, several reasons come to mind:
• I’ve chosen poorly in the past and have become jaded, or very cautious. Not sure which. Maybe both. Yes, both. (See Sacrifice the Blond)
• I’ve never wanted kids of my own and therefore haven’t felt the pressure to get married to appease a ticking biological clock.
Great. Just great. Now I can hear you all gasping while forming that other stupid question: “Why haven’t you ever wanted to have kids?” OMG. Heaven forbid someone shouldn’t want kids. Take a deep breath people: Let. It. Go. I like them just fine, especially with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Oh, stop screaming! I’m kidding. Gees. Kids just don’t fit into the lifestyle I enjoy, and the one I’ve envision having with a significant other: Traveling, exploring new places and seeing new things, lots of spontaneous afternoon nookie.
• Something else happened along the way; never saw it coming. I actually like being single. Well, much of the time. Not too much when my wanderlust is kicking in (like now!!!), but I often enjoy it. Imagine having the freedom I have to travel, to pick up and go wherever you want, when you want. It’s priceless.
For the married folks who want to know the flip side of what “might have been”, here’s what sucks about being single: Not having that special person with whom to share the minutiae of your day: the successes, the failures, the experiences. Not having that “cheerleader” who’s always rooting for you, or that special person with whom to travel and share new experiences. As fun as my adventures are, at times they could be more even fulfilling with that person with whom to share them and then reminisce later.
Oh, that and the lack of regular afternoon nookie. But I hear it’s not regular when you’re married anyway. Between that and the relocating of scissors, I’m not sure marriage is all it’s cracked up to be. Score: Singledom – 2, Marriage – 0.
For those who asked, repeat after me: ‘There is nothing wrong with being single’. And there is something worse than being single (believe it or not!) – Being in the wrong relationship. Or being with someone who doesn’t have the freedom you do, or the desire to travel and explore the world. That just blows.
So does being with someone who lacks romantic finesse (again, see Sacrifice the Blond for tips on what NOT to do).
Gentlemen, you are trying to tame a wild horse. Think it through and proceed slowly.
I might consider marriage if I met the right guy/horse tamer. Some of the qualities I’m looking for in a partner: Great manners, healthy lifestyle, positive, adventurous, active, fun, humorous (or at least thinks I am), owns ‘a pair’ and uses them (not talking about the scissors here), good conversationalist, romantic finesse (did I mention that?), and the ability to travel. (Sound like you? Heh. Leave a comment, Brave One.)
The world is a wonderful, exciting place and I want to experience so much more of it.
I do receive the occasional, spontaneous request from acquaintances for my hand in marriage. It’s true. But I always wonder how serious they really are: What would they do if I threw down and said, “Sure! How’s tomorrow for ya? We can do the Britney Spears Las Vegas Wedding, and Annulment 55 hours later. K?” Not kidding. I think it might be fun.
Next: Snarky Dating Advice won the poll.