There is a saying, “You learn something new every day.” It has always been my hope to help educate you all in some small way, or for this blog to perhaps be the place where you learned something new that day, no matter how minor.
I make no claims on the quality of the knowledge learned on this blog. In fact, anything learned here is likely to be a useless bit of trivia.
And that brings us to today’s tidbit of wisdom: Pimpin’ Out Spiders.
I didn’t know this was a “thing” until a few days ago.
Pimpin out spiders is not about dressing up your pet spider, or decorating it’s cage/box/ride. The phrase refers to the original use of the word “pimpin” – as in turning your spider out on the streets for money. Yes folks, we’re talking about Spider Prostitution.
To answer the question that just popped in to the heads of several of you, no, I don’t think spandex and high heels are required.
Those of you paying close attention may have already deduced I learned this bit of information from my arachnophile coworker, the cute young man with a massive collection of pet spiders. I’ll call him Spiderman to protect his anonymity.
Here’s how I learned about Spider Prostitution…
Spiderman turns to another coworker and asks if he will be returning to his Dallas home over the weekend, as usual. After the other coworker says yes, Spiderman proceeds to explain how one of his spiders has just done some spidery thing (my term, not his) that indicates he is an of-age male and now ready to mate.
I have no idea how you tell that a spider is male and ready to mate, and I’m sure I know all I need to on the subject.
Spiderman continues by saying he has found someone with a female spider of the same species, also ready to mate, in the Dallas area and he asks if the coworker will drop of the male, and pick it up on his way back to work the following Monday.
I’m going to pause here to ponder the obvious new curiosity in this already odd situation: Is there a website dedicated to Spider Prostitution?? Do they have little spider profiles? “Hi, I’ve got long legs and a strong desire to breed! Your web or mine, you arachni-hotty?!”
I’ll leave you to ponder that among yourselves…
The coworker being asked to transport the randy male spider replies with something like, “Ohhhh-kaaay” and laughs.
Really, what is the appropriate response to “Will you transport my spider to get laid?” That never came up when my parents were teaching me basic etiquette and the proper use of silverware.
Spiderman continues by adding the spider will then get pimped out to a place in New Mexico. I can only assume this will be via U.S. mail.
Tell me, is it a federal offense to cross state lines for spider prostitution? Is that considered Spider Trafficking?
Possessing an inquiring mind as I do, I ask if Spiderman gets the pick of the litter… Yes, he will get about 25 of the 100 babies.
Oh, goody. Twenty-five MORE spiders running around the office compound.
So now you know about Pimpin Out Spiders, also known as Spider Prostitution. And now you have an interesting piece of trivia to discuss around the water cooler. Aren’t you glad you logged on today? *snicker*
As long as we’re on the subject of pimpin’ out, Spiderman is a darling, sweet man in his early 30’s. We’re looking to set him up with a nice Goth gal who likes spiders, or any gal who likes spiders, and lives near Austin. He has a few snakes, too.