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Playing With Matches on Match.com

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Maybe the matches will light a fire and flush out the good ones on Match.com.

Playing with matches

This is totally what it's like.

(If this is your first time here, the Match.com Misadventures starts with this post.)

Since my prospects were dwindling on Match.com, I’ve taken to contacting men first. Some I just send a wink to, and others I email.

I’m only initiating contact because when I polled you all, you said it wasn’t going to negatively impact the potential relationship.

That, and I’m desperate to find good matches.

Here are the matches with whom I’m currently playing…

Zen Biker Guy – (He wrote to me first.) He’s 50, lives in the mountains, loves his dog, and has a dreaded Harley. This Harley is of the “Lone Wolf” variety. This means it’s set up for only one rider – him. He’s divorced, no kids, eats healthy, doesn’t drink, and is hugely into meditation – all pluses. I’ll overlook the Lone Wolf Harley for those pluses.

Our first date was a coffee date. He didn’t look like his pictures (older, heavier, dressed much worse), but close enough that I could still recognize him. He is a big talker; I could hardly get a word in edge-wise. He arrived for the date covered in dirt, after dirt-bike riding right before the date. Apparently he wasn’t concerned with putting on a clean shirt and pants. Or first impressions.

ZBG wanted to go to dinner right then, but I thought it better to give him a chance to find a nice outfit. We’ve got a dinner date planned where he will get a second chance to make a first impression.

Coast Guard Guy – (I winked at him first.) He’s 46, has two kids, is in the middle of a divorce, works in the Coast Guard Reserves, and is super hot in his photos. He’s got a mark against him for being mid-divorce.

Our first date was also a coffee date. He also looked older than his photos, but still very attractive. We spent about three hours walking around the downtown area, but I don’t think either of us felt a spark. He was really funny in email, but seemed a bit on the quiet side in person. I’d be willing to chalk it up to first date nerves, and give it another shot, but I don’t think he’s interested.

Update: Turns out he is interested and we’re trying to schedule a second date, possibly hiking.

Hiker Guy – (I winked at him first.) He’s 55, divorced, no kids, successfully self-employed for his whole life, hugely into hiking, and healthy eating, and doesn’t drink. Also? Talks A LOT.

Funny story: We have friends in common, and have met several times. I winked at him, and about a week later I got back a rejection FORM LETTER. The kind of form letter Match.com provides at the click of a button.

Well, I didn’t want it to be awkward when I see him again, probably next week when I’m going to a mutual friend’s, so I wrote this:

Hi (Hiker Guy, not his real name)

Doh, shot down by form letter! (I had to tease you about that. 😉 I never send them in reply, but maybe from a guy’s point of view it’s better than no reply?

Well, I’m sure I’ll see you again in (secret location) soon. I think I’ll be there next week. Just wanted to say “hi” here so it wouldn’t be awkward.

Best of luck to you in your search!

And I got this back right away:

Well now you have my full attention. I’m on vacation so when I checked my match site i just said no to everything.So we know each other from (secret place) ??? I’m thinking my brain is really on vacation to not remember you. You are so cute I just don’t know what to say. Do you go often?I saw (your far away location) and just passed. Just started this a month ago and not really that good for me so far. Perhaps you are about to change that. I’m way up the coast near Eureka and not returning until mid next week . My cel is ### or send me yours and I’ll call. That will give me time to rack my brain and remember you. Help me out if you feel like it !!!!!

He figured it out a couple hours later all by himself. We’ve chatted on the phone a few times now. He’s another big talker, and I can hardly get a word in. He’s really interested in and enthusiastic about us having a real date, which I find endearing. Even though I’ve offered to, he’s also quite willing to drive the 1.5 hour distance to my place. (Hey Biker Boy #1, take note.)

Biker Boy #1 – Wrote to me about six times, over a few days, two weeks after I blew off his rude self. He seemed to be fishing, hoping for a reconnection. He wanted to make sure we’re still friends. I said of course we were. Then he mentioned how I keep coming up as his only 100% match. (Oh well, you should have thought of that before you refused to ever drive to my house, and only wanted me to drive out to yours.) After I told him I wasn’t even searching in this area, he stopped emailing.

Boat Boy – You all remember him? Well his boat – the one without the motor – was in that harbor that got trashed by the tsunami here in California. They had no motor with which to get it out to sea. Bummer.

I’m currently swamped with taxes, and a new hobby, and then the sun came out. Time for dating is scarce, but I have one nice dinner planned with Hiker Guy for this week. Hope I get to talk, too.

Comments

Playing With Matches on Match.com — 37 Comments

    • Brave, Adventurous, Horn… er, I mean Desperate… Could be any of those. 😉 I hope I find something good, too!

    • LOL Well, Hiker Guy and another, whom I haven’t yet spoken with or met, are quite well off. I won’t lie – it’s a definite plus.

  4. I’m glad you’re taking matters into your own hands and contacting the ones that you find suitable, rather than just seeing what riffraff comes to you.

    Good luck! Don’t give up and don’t settle!

    • You know, I never thought of it as ‘just seeing what riffraff comes to me’, but I think you may have a point. I do seem to be meeting more suitable guys, although I am the one who picked them so it’s pretty much a given I’d think they’re more suitable. I hope the rest of my life mellows out soon so I can spend more time looking. 🙂

  5. I’d have a hard time getting past a guy coming to the date covered in dirt. I’ll be curious to hear whether he cleans up his act. Nice response from the form letter guy.

    • I don’t know why I gave him a second chance. Well, I do know – he did have a lot of pluses. But date #2??? ZOMG I’ll be posting that in a week or so.

      As chatty and interrupting (and possibly a bit self-absorbed and there may only be room for one such person in this relationship 😉 ) as Hiker Guy is I also liked his response. It was one of the few that could get him out of it. He’s also rather enthusiastic about the date, which I like. Although, he may be a bit on the “dreamer” side about a potential union, reading far more into it now then is there.

  6. Only one rule to remember. When the judge signs the paper and its recorded, only then can the man be trusted. Every man will say he is in the middle even if he hasn’t even filed. Many times to head right back home leaving the other woman in the dust. Divorced is the key word.

    • I did ask if papers had been filed, he said yes, and added some more info that sounded good. But he’s still got a mark against him. Although, I’ve noticed one thing about a certain type of man: The really nice guy who was married for a long time, but doesn’t want to be alone, often marries the next woman he’s with after the divorce. For that reason, he’s still in the running, but he’s also not as enthusiastic as I’d like in a mate. He may not be that interested in me.

    • Yes, and some have money, too. 🙂

      Although, I think ZBG might be financially “ok” (not quite well off, but “ok”), he’s got no class. (more on that next week)

  8. Not only are you searching for Mr. Right via dating sites, you’re sharing your experience and that take balls. Kudos to you! I hope your search ends happily ever after.

    • Thank you 🙂 I don’t know if it’s bravery, or foolishness combined with a lack of that filter that tells people when something isn’t appropriate that gives me the impetus. I hope it ends in happily ever after, too!

  9. Well, all I can say it stick with it… I make the first contact often but don’t get as many ‘bites’ as you are. And to date, no one’s shown up dirty! The last one was a wonderful lover but the ‘couples chemistry’ to use his term wasn’t there. I agree, but some things one is willing to sacrifice!!!!

    • Ah, it’s been so long I don’t even remember much about sex anymore, but I do remember the last couple boyfriends I had were lousy in bed. I miss good sex. Hmm, this makes me think I should add “skilled lover” to the list of my requirements.

    • Let’s do it, Girlfriend! I’ll warm up the motorhome, pick you up, and then we’ll swing by the Mutter Museum (it’s on my bucket list) on our way out to sunny California. Pack bikinis!

    • Really? What makes you say that? Seriously, now I’m worried, and would love to know what you saw.

      We just had date #1 and it went well. Although, I do detect a possible yellow flag: a strong sense of self-importance/arrogance.

    • I babysat my 6 y.o. nephew the other night, and told him about my plan to travel in and RV, and see the Mutter Museum. He wanted to know what the Mutter Museum was, so we got online. He was fascinated! (We are SOOOO related!)

      I told Chickenbone when we got home, and she freaked out, couldn’t believe I’d shown him pictures of weird skeletons and Siamese twins. He wasn’t freaked out, he was fascinated. (I think he’s got some of my genes by accident LOL)

  13. I love reading these stories! Did you see my blog post dedicated to you?

    xo Susie

    Ps don’t go hiking with a date you barely know. Mother’s advice!

    • OMG! Thank you so much Susie! I just read the post. Too funny! And all to reminiscent of my own recent dates.

      My apologies for not seeing your post sooner, my WordPress doesn’t notify me of incoming links!!! Grrrr. I’ve been buried with taxes and weird dates so didn’t have much time to read other blogs. Finally finished the taxes a few minute ago, and now I’m just left with weird dates. LOL But I can go back to reading blogs once again!

  14. I’m pretty sure that most men on dating sites are not looking for anything lasting…as long as you approach it that way you’ll be fine, I think. Good luck to ya in your quest.

    • I’m getting that impression from several of them, and starting to think that may be the better way to go. I’d like to be in a long-term relationship or even get married, but not to the guys I’m meeting. Now if I can just find myself a good-looking horse-wrangler I’ll be in Heaven. 😉

      Thanks for stopping by my little piece o’ the internet, Cowboy. Sorry to hear you got hitched – I would have loved that position. Err, I mean title. 😉

  15. You definitely can do better than a guy who makes no effort to impress you, and talking too much can be a big flashing sign that a guy’s trying desperately to impress you!

    • I’m a bit perplexed by the too-chatty one with manners. He does seem a bit insecure as he’s always telling me about what he *has* not who he *is* (but I guess going on about what he has does tell me who he is). For the first few days after the date, he was calling and emailing a bunch, tried to set up another date but seemed to give up once the one date he had open/suggested didn’t match with mine, nor the one I suggested in return. Too “hot and cold” for my taste.

    • He was totally hot, but fell off the face of the earth, like many others, when he tried to schedule another date. Men perplex me.

  17. I definitely believe making first contact is the way to go. Seriously, do you want a guy who can’t handle a woman who is willing to make the first move??? Of course not!

    Hiking on a first date??? No way, chicky!! Way too risky!

    • I did the first contact thing a few times, but so far the results don’t seem to be much better. I think they expect me to continue to do the pursuing.

      Oh no, no hiking on a first date! And only on a second date on crowded trails. 🙂

  18. Pingback:The Matches Couldn't Start A Fire With Gasoline and A Lighter - Kernut The Blond

  19. Wow… you are good in this kind of stuff! It seems you are really enjoying meeting people online. well good luck and i hope that you meet the one!

    • Well, after it’s all said and done I can’t say I enjoyed the process very much in the end. I started out that way, but became rather jaded by the end. Too many flakes. It’s been over a month since my last Match date and I’m just now starting to consider the idea of dating again.

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