I went to the Pennsylvania Cabela’s.

In case you’ve never been, I’ll describe the Cabela’s experience: It’s like going to a zoo, but all of the animals are dead.

Wait, what?

Pennsylvania Cabela’s

Before I go on, I should explain the title since, unlike my usual title/post combinations, this one isn’t self-explanatory or related to the topic of this post. I merely needed a catchy title so here’s the connection: I went to Cabela’s with a friend who claims he doesn’t have a butt. While I disagree and think he has a cute butt, I chose the title in deference to his claim, and because I enjoy teasing him. Unfortunately, he rarely reads this blog so he’ll probably never know.

It seems almost all men claim they have no butt. And, if I may speak for my gender, we pretty much think most men’s butts are cute. In general, you like ours, we like yours, and neither gender would look as good with the other’s butt. 

But I digress, and probably need a dose of meds, so I’ll move along now…

About Cabela’s in Hamburg, Pennsylvania

Cabela’s comprehensive display of dead things isn’t as gruesome as you might (naturally) think. It looks just like the zoo – all the animals are in “pens” decorated like their natural habitat. Other than the pens being inside a building, and the lack of a “poo” smell, there is no difference between Cabela’s and a real zoo.

Except that everything is dead. The animals look peaceful, so it’s ok. I guess.

Cabela’s is a big deal here. People LOVE it, as evidenced by the massive crowd and insanely long checkout lines we saw on New Year’s Day. These megastores aren’t billed as a “dead things zoo”, but rather as sporting goods one-stop shopping, that happens to come with food and “trophies” (taxidermied game). I’m not into sporting goods, so I didn’t look at any of that stuff, just the dead animals.

Fun fact: On two recent occasions men have asked me to go to Cabela’s for a (first) date. ??? I’ve been to Cabela’s and Bass Pro Shops, a competitor with a great indoor restaurant, in other states (where neither were such a big deal), but I don’t view these places as a “great first date option”, unless you’re a guy who hunts.

On with the slideshow of the Pennsylvania Cabela’s artistic displays of dead things…

Random (because I don’t know what it really is) display of dead things.

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A patron about to be eaten by a bear. Good thing they’re not alive – this guy was my ride. (You can judge the butt for yourself.)

The bears at Cabela’s are friendly. And my face is distorted in this photo – I do not have a Jay Leno chin or a massive nose.