The Earl of Socks, and other relatives
Rumor has it my family is related to a bunch few famous people. Most of whom you’ve probably never heard of.
Ted McGinley, the cute actor. One of his more well-known roles was as Jefferson Darcy on ‘Married with Children’. Yes, that guy! He really does look like the male members of my father’s side of the family. My aunt knows the details, but we’re distant cousins or something… which is too bad because otherwise he just might have made my previously posted list.
On my mother’s side, we’re related to Bertrand Russell, 3rd Earl of Russell, a philosopher, mathematician, humanitarian, and Nobel Prize winner. (Apparently, the “smarts” aren’t necessarily hereditary, otherwise I’d be famous rather than infamous.) We’re related through the Duke of Bedford. By all accounts a nice guy, but it seems Bertrand’s life was a bit of an emotional roller coaster at times. Here’s a quote from his biography:
Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.’
Huh, so we are related… but I really wish it had been the ‘smarts’ that had been passed on.
Apparently we are also related to a Catholic Priest, Father Edward, who had a gambling problem (hey, it could be worse, people). It seems he wasn’t a very successful gambler. And now I know where I got that gene. Thanks, Grandpa.
Family lore has it he stole some stuff from the the church, and took off with the church secretary for America. Great, does this mean we’re all doomed for eternity?
Also on my father’s side we’re somehow related to the Heinz family. Yes, of the ketchup empire. I know they’re totally looking for us.
Back to my mother’s side, there’s the Earl of Socks. Wait, no, that’s the Duke of Argyll. Oh, I don’t know. I get them mixed up. Sorry.
The Duke of Argyll is on the Campbell side of my family. My mother says: ‘I think his “claim to fame” is that he was the first of the nobility to open his castle to the public. … I think that started in the 1950s. Of course, we’re still related to the current Argyll family members.’
Mind you, it’s not like I ever got a birthday card from any of them. We’re not exactly close.
The Duke of Bedford, the Duke of Argyll, Ted McGinley, and any member of the Heinz ketchup family could totally send me one, though. Anytime. Really.
No, I’m *asking* if you would send me a card. Please.
Have you heard of The Royal Bastards? I am not making this up. It’s a society comprised of ‘the descendants of the illegitimate sons and daughters of the Kings of Britain’.
So cool! Don’t you totally want to join?! I do. Seriously. Now, just to meet the standards…
‘Membership is open to individuals who meet these standards through the process of proving descent from an illegitimate child, grandchild or great-grandchild of a king of England, Scotland, Wales, Great Britain or the United Kingdom.’
According to one of the chief members of the society, it is quite possible most folks are a distant illegitimate relative of a King of Britain. But you have to show proof to get in.
If it was some stuffy society I wouldn’t dare be a part of it, but The Society of Royal Bastards? I’m in! Now you know why I’m doing all this research, much of it on my own. Proof is not cheap, and I’m not sure there are actually any Kings in my (possibly illegitimate) lineage. But that crown should still totally be mine.
UPDATE: My father claims we are also related to… wait for it…. Sir Francis Hockaby (or Huckabee), The Earl of Dick.
People, I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
However, there seem to be few historical records on the Earls of Dick. Gotta wonder why that line might have ended, eh?