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Kernut the Blond

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Bug Killer Rating reaches all-time low

Kernut the Blond Posted on September 18, 2015 by KernutSeptember 18, 2015

Bugzilla’s relative, made an appearance a few weeks ago, but quickly darted to safety behind a drawer. I’ve been cautiously opening drawers ever since. Until today.

Bug Killer Rating (BKR) reaches a new low.

Bug Killer Rating (BKR) definition: The BKR is assessed on a scale of 1 to 10, similarly to the PSR (Primitive Survival Rating) from Naked and Afraid. (Do I actually watch that cheezy show? I don’t know. Maybe. Sometimes. I’m not saying any more. Stop asking me questions.)

A dead cockroach - as it should be.

A dead cockroach – as it should be.

“American Cockroach 1” by Preiselbeere on de.wikipedia – Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 de via Commons

A few years ago, after she chattered to Bugzilla as if inviting it to play, I thought Checkers was of little help when it came to bug killing. She was given a BKR of 1.5 because, after about ten years of training, she would occasionally chase, slowly torture, and then eat a very small bug. But mostly she’d just pester them until they died.

However, I have reassessed her BKR, essentially doubling it, from a 1.5 to a 3. Why was Checker’s BKR raised when she’s not even here anymore? Because Pye lowered the bar… But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in Panic Much, Shoe Fetish | Tagged Panic Shmanic, Trouble, WTF?

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, and Cibolo in Boerne

Kernut the Blond Posted on September 9, 2015 by KernutSeptember 9, 2015
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Probably not a place in the Texas panhandle.

Hi, remember me? I’m that gal who used to blog here. Yeah, yeah, so I’m flaky when feeling overwhelmed. But I make up for it with my vivacious personality. Heh.

Another leap of faith was in my near future, and this time I was afraid to jump. Yes, I gave up my stick-and-brick (read “apartment in-between the city and the suburbs”) – before getting my RV – and that leap of faith felt more comfortable than this one. I was super excited about it, but I was also nervous about temporarily relocating to the panhandle from the start – something about it never felt right. My friends and fellow workcampers knew all the details and none of them thought it was a good idea, either. But I really wanted this to work – it would mean I could travel all the time!

It was for that commission-only sales job for which I’d get to travel all the time. This is the same job I already tried it out in two neighboring towns… the one that didn’t sell (100% commission = no pay if there are no sales), but I got to meet some of the rudest people in Texas. Oh joy.

This time the owner was willing to pay for me to go up there and provide $200/wk as a base for the first two weeks. After my last experience of working for a week and a half without making one sale, I decided it was too risky to try it again that far away from civilization. I already burned up resources when I tried it the first time and couldn’t risk it happening again.

The funny thing is I was all set to go, but was nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in Jobs I Had, Texas, Travel | Tagged Things You Should Know

The Life of Pye: Lessons From the Zen Master – Gratitude

Kernut the Blond Posted on August 12, 2015 by PurrrrrfectOneAugust 13, 2015

The is a guest post from the cat Pye Zen Master Pye. Pye seemed in need of a hobby. She’s been going out late, staying out all night, coming home smelling like bonfire smoke and bad boy kitties. (Last part iz not true, they iz not bad kitties. -ZMP)

The opinions expressed by the cat Pye Zen Master Pye are not necessarily those of this blog. The strikethrough text was not there when I agreed to let Pye write this post.

Zen Master Pye demonstrating the Art of Zen.

Zen Master Pye demonstrating the Art of Zen.

Oh hai! This is Pye, the cat who will not read maps. You may call me Zen Master Pye. My hooman thinks I cannot read maps. Silly hooman is wrong. Again. I can read maps, I merely choose not to. It is not the way of Zen to read maps for hoomans.

How is it that I am Zen Master, you ask? But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in Lessons in Zen Mastery, Meditation | Tagged Life of Pye, Meditation

More old stuff, now in historic Goliad, Texas

Kernut the Blond Posted on August 8, 2015 by KernutAugust 8, 2015

I’m totally phoning this one in. It wasn’t my most exciting sightseeing trip, but I was out of stuff to see in that area. Don’t get me wrong, it was nice historic old stuff, but it’s always been hard for me to get excited about historic old stuff – unless it’s really, really old. Like Pyramids in Egypt old.

A brief update after last week’s rant: I’ve encountered some nicer folks, most notably today. Other than that, I’m sticking close to home for a bit and only surrounding myself with positive people, meditating longer myself, and reading and listening to more metaphysical stuff – something that always makes me feel great.

Tomorrow my neighbors are taking me boating on a huge, pretty lake nearby. Apparently there are waterfalls! I will take pictures for you all. Pray they don’t look like my usual fuzzy crap. It will be about 105 degrees, so pray I also weather the heat.

Now, on with the old stuff…

Old stuff in historic Goliad, Texas: a mission, a presidio, and a monument.

I know, more old stuff. There’s not much else to see around Gonzales and Goliad, except historic old stuff.

The architecture of old mission was mesmerizing. But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in Phoning It In, Texas | Tagged Texas, Who cares

Tales From the RV Park: Holy Haters Batman!

Kernut the Blond Posted on August 4, 2015 by KernutAugust 18, 2015

I’m not going to bother with the usual disclaimer on this one because this is a rant. It’s also not directly related to the RV park, which has a whole host of weirdness all its own, but is instead a rant about my general experience with the nearby towns. There will be cuss words.

If you are new to this blog, you should probably skip this post for a better one. Any other one. This post isn’t my best first impression. Just saying. I don’t know when I began caring about first impressions. Humh, that’s new. Carry on.

<rant on>

Say NO to haters.

Say NO to haters.

I am ready to leave Deerville, Soberville, and Touristburg. I’m over it, for a couple reasons.

I’ve been teaching a free meditation class in one of the neighboring towns. I’ve done this before. I don’t get paid for it, it’s something I like to do to better my little corner of the world. It’s also fun for me, gives me a chance to meditate with a group, and best of all to hopefully encourage people to meditate daily. I teach different approaches to meditation, ways to easily increase your practice, and share what it’s done for me.

Daily meditation has change my life in ways that were previously unimaginable to me: a sense of inner peace, mental clarity, better health, and the ability to monitor my thoughts – and to choose better ones, etc. Of course I want to share this with people, so I started teaching meditation to others. I have done this for a several years, and it has always been a fun experience.

But then some haters came. Now I don’t want to share it with them anymore. But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in A Cuss Word Will Do, Tales From the RV Park, WTF? | Tagged Rants, Tales From the RV Park, WTF?

Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed

Kernut the Blond Posted on July 27, 2015 by KernutJuly 27, 2015

I could’ve just said “It’s hot,” but folks get a little tired of hearing the same phrase over and over.

God is cooking Texas. My cousin says southern Utah is for dessert.

God is cooking Texas. My cousin thinks He’s cooking southern Utah is for dessert.

The weather is a big topic in Texas. The weather channel is included in the channel lineup as if it were one of the major networks. It will come as no surprise that Texans also have colorful sayings describing the weather.

I have previously written about how “It’s raining like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock.” Then there is the title of this post, “Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.” And another saying describing the weather in a most colorful way, one I opted not to use as a title today, “Hotter than a whore on nickle night.”

Ahem. Did I mention the sayings were colorful?

That’s your lesson for today. If you happen to be in an area where the weather is a regular topic, you now have some sayings to liven up the conversation. Or get a date. Could go either way.

I’d love to know any others you’ve heard (about the weather, not pickup lines) – I need more blog post titles. No, seriously.

A Day on Lake Wood

In homage to the heat, I present you with a lovely day on the lake. But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in It's the country, Texas | Tagged Texas, Things You Should Know

I went to see some old stuff

Kernut the Blond Posted on July 19, 2015 by KernutJuly 19, 2015

I don’t often go to see old stuff, unless of course, the weird and wacky roadside attraction I’m visiting happens to have been created a long time ago and is therefore old by default.

Not this time. This attraction’s only claim to roadside attraction fame is age. Okay, okay, some folks prefer the word “historical”. Whatever. It’s old. This particular city is rich in history, as is all of Texas. And it’s all about a cannon.

Come and Take It

Gonzales, Texas, is all about a cannon. An old cannon.

The "Come and Take It" cannon.

The “Come and Take It” cannon.

From the Gonzales,Texas, Wikipedia page: But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in Texas, When I'm Not Here | Tagged I Got Nothing, Things You Should Know

Workin’ harder than a funeral home fan in July

Kernut the Blond Posted on July 9, 2015 by KernutJuly 9, 2015

I’ve been workcamping at a nice RV park since I moved to Deerville (near Touristburg and Soberville) six weeks ago. The job was supposed to go full-time (with pay after 15 hours) starting last week, but the current camp manager isn’t leaving as planned, which means they don’t need me to work full-time. So as the title implies, I’m workin’ harder than a funeral home fan in July looking for new opportunities. While I’m looking for new opportunities, I’ve been dreaming about where I’m going next.

I’d like to go to New Mexico, slowly making my way up to Wyoming. Everyone thinks I’m crazy to want to go to Wyoming – even in the summer – but it always looks so pretty in everyone’s photos! I have a friend there now and he pretty much hates being in the middle of nowhere. I can relate: Cow-Chicken-Oil town (pop. ~7,500) was MUCH bigger than where he is (pop. ~800), and it sounds like he’s farther from civilization than Pizzaville ever was. I’m not deterred. I want to see the plains and mountains and take my usual fuzzy pictures.

Another option is to FINALLY see one of the Largest Balls of Twine and Largest Frying Pans. The nearest Largest Ball of Twine is in Kansas… as is the Largest Hair Ball. Gee, Pye ought to enjoy both of those exhibits.

Of the (six?) Largest Frying Pans, I’m most likely to hit one in either Iowa, Kentucky or Delaware. If Pye is being a brat, I may put her in one of the frying pans.

Largest Ball of Barbed Wire = Close substitute for Largest Ball of Twine.

The Largest Ball of Barbed Wire.

It’s not twine, but it is the Largest Ball of Barbed Wire, at least that I’ve seen.

While I’m dreaming and planning, I’ll share a little bit of the massive But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in It's the country, Texas, Worlds Largest | Tagged America, Worlds Largest

Why is it called Tourist Season if we can’t shoot at them?

Kernut the Blond Posted on June 29, 2015 by KernutJuly 7, 2015

My new location is loaded with Axis and Whitetail deer, which graze in the field behind my RV every evening. The teeny little fawns are adorable! I accidentally walked up on one the other evening and it took off like a shot, bounding away, big white tail in the air!

A fuzzy picture of a deer.

You might need glasses, or this could be a fuzzy picture of a deer. (One thing is certain, my photography skills haven’t changed. Just remember – certainty is a good thing.)

The fawn (not pictured) was a bit smaller than Pye (Pye’s not exactly one to miss a meal), but its white tail was the size of an adult deer’s tail – and it was as long as its little body! It was cute and hilarious all at the same time. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my guinea pig gave birth to babies – open-eyed, fur-covered babies with adult-sized guinea pig feet! The disproportionately large feet make the baby guinea pigs kind of funny looking.

Speaking of Pye, here’s what happened right after I parked. She looked out the window at the grackle (black birds about the size of a crow, but with a long tail and a big squawk). She’d never seen one of the large birds before.

20150529_085646

Pye seeing a grackle for the first time.

The bird, oblivious to Pye watching from the window, hopped a bit closer the my RV. The photo below was taken seconds later right after Pye freaked out because the oblivious bird came closer. She ran away from the window. Yes, Pye is actually part chicken. But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in It's the country, Texas, Worlds Largest | Tagged Texas, Worlds Largest

Toilet Seat Art Museum. Need I say more?

Kernut the Blond Posted on May 31, 2015 by KernutMay 31, 2015

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!

(A southern saying indicating surprise or astonishment. And that, my dear Kernutties, is your lesson for today.)

Imagine my surprise and delight when I discovered there was a Toilet Seat Art Museum in San Antonio. I know!

Toilet seat art - this one has tiny colored lights!

Toilet seat art – “Time is precious. Don’t waste it.” This one has tiny colored lights!

Barney Smith, the toilet seat artist, the toilet seat museum curator, and the toilet seat tour guide, recently turned 94. He’s been creating toilet seat art for over 50 years and is still going strong. Each toilet seat has a theme: there are toilet seats for most every profession, events, and for many celebrities.

Barney is famous for his toilet seat art; But, wait! There’s more…

Posted in Texas, Who Thinks of These Things, Wonderful | Tagged Texas, Weird wacky wonderful

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