Old Fishermen, Fresh Fish, and Dangerous Bad Boys

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Mist hung in the air as a gentle breeze caressed my skin.

Seal pups waiting for the sun.

Tons of seal pups! The brown things are not rocks - that's the pups.

The air smelled fresh, as it always does at the sea. Seals barked in the distance, their sounds echoing off the row of shops and restaurants. Seagulls scurried away as I drew near, some taking flight. The occasional whiff of sauteed garlic and fried seafood wafted through air.

A gust of wind caressed my bare legs, giving them goosebumps. Men winked and smiled as I sashayed down the long dock.

Excitement was in the air. The hair at the back of my neck tingled.

I was simultaneously electrified with anticipation yet afraid of the potential danger being so close to the known killers. I waited with baited breath, hoping to catch a glimpse of the large, dangerous group. Others were scared, too, while some jockeyed for the best spot to see them.

The water lapped at the side of the large passenger vessel as it gently pushed off the dock. There was a long journey ahead of me.

A shiver went up my spine. But, wait! There’s more…

Too Much Valium Is Still Not Enough. Oh, And There Was Blood.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by
eye surgery sucks

Ok, I sobered up and posted this for you all. You're welcome. It looks normal now (two weeks later), but I have a hard lumpy little scar now. WTF?! That's worse than BEFORE. Just waiting to see if vision returns.

Eye surgery is not for the meek.

Or for those prone to panic attacks.

Like me.

If this post doesn’t make sense and has more typos then usual, its because I’m on valium while I’m writing this. And I’m too high and tired to add pictures right now. Sorry.

Do you all remember some of my panic attacks? When Lost in the Crenshaw District of LA, Sacrifice The Blond, The Rain In Spain, and of course, Panic Much? FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run. (I can’t add the links now ’cause I’m too fuzzy. You can find them all on my One Trick Pony page tab.) UPDATE 2 Weeks later: I’ve sobered up, posted a post-op pic, and added links for you all. You’re welcome.

Well, you can add this puppy to my list of Big A** Panic Attacks.

No, it was not lasik surgery, or elective.  I had to have a bump removed from my eyelid. I was quite fine with the small bump on the top of my lid, about the size of half a green pea, until it started causing astigmatism (loss of vision in what was once my good 20-10 eye). Yeah, totally sucky situation.

The good part is looking out of that one eye gives everyone a lovely soft-focus filter kind of look. I use that eye when I’m looking at myself in the mirror… it smooths out the wrinkles.

Not that I have any many.

The doctor said they could cut the bump out and my vision would probably return to normal. Oh, goody. Needles and knives NEAR MY EYE. I asked the doctor if I could just get eye glasses instead. Obviously.

He said no.

Sadist. But, wait! There’s more…

The Earl of Argyll Socks, and Other Relatives

Kernut the Blond Posted on by
Royal Crown

This should totally be mine.

The Earl of Socks, and other relatives

Rumor has it my family is related to a bunch few famous people. Most of whom you’ve probably never heard of.

Ted McGinley, the cute actor. One of his more well-known roles was as Jefferson Darcy on ‘Married with Children’. Yes, that guy! He really does look like the male members of my father’s side of the family. My aunt knows the details, but we’re distant cousins or something… which is too bad because otherwise he just might have made my previously posted list.

On my mother’s side, we’re related to Bertrand Russell, 3rd Earl of Russell, a philosopher, mathematician, humanitarian, and Nobel Prize winner. (Apparently, the “smarts” aren’t necessarily hereditary, otherwise I’d be famous rather than infamous.) We’re related through the Duke of Bedford. By all accounts a nice guy, but it seems Bertrand’s life was a bit of an emotional roller coaster at times. Here’s a quote from his biography: But, wait! There’s more…

God Bless Our Troops, Harleys, BBQs, and Apple Pie

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

What a wonderful way to spend a Memorial Day: Riding on a Harley, to a National Monument, and a BBQ with family. All with the complete sense of freedom and safety.

This post is on the serious side, folks, but I feel the need to describe to you what I learned. Those things above would not be possible without the selfless dedication of our American Troops. My heart goes out to the families of the fallen, the men and women serving away from their families, and all the men and women past, present and future who’ve kept and continue to keep this country free.

Thank you all for your service. And thank you to the families who endure the separation so their loved ones may serve.”

Amazing Grace by LeAnn Rimes. I don’t know who created the clip.

This is how I spent my Memorial Day: But, wait! There’s more…

Sex And The City 2 – Movie Review

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Sex And The City 2

Sex And The City 2

The following is another guest post by my father, the creator of the Adventures of Chickenbone and Kernut stories, and frequent writer of movie reviews. That he actually went to see this one is a surprise to me. Even before reading this I had no intention of doing so myself.

Movie Review – Sex and the City 2 – Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall. Comedy / Drama – About two hours long and in theaters now.

The four ladies are back with their relationships and insights into life and love. Three of them are now married and the single one is getting older. Life still has problems. Married life is sometimes boring, work hard and children can drive you nuts.  There are jealousies, hot nannies and a host of other difficulties which more or less get resolved (sort of) on a trip to the Middle East. As you might expect the main theme of the movie is about relationships. But, wait! There’s more…

Planes, Trains and Adventures in Spain

Kernut the Blond Posted on by
Santa Barbara Castillo, Alicante, Spain

View from Santa Barbara Castillo, Alicante, Spain

Finally, after one too many planes, I got to see Spain! Thank goodness there weren’t actually any trains involved.

Alicante, Torrevieja, and Cartagena, Spain are in the Costa Blanca region on the Mediterranean. (Costa Blanca means ‘White Coast’, and is probably so named for the abundance of British expats 🙂 ) Actually they say it’s named for the white beaches, which are lovely and covered with half-naked British expats during August, which makes them even lovelier.

Torrevieja happens to be on almost the  exact same latitudinal line as where I live in California. We, however, don’t have an abundance of nude beaches. We need to work on that. In September the weather was a perfect 80-85 degrees (F) most of the time. As foreshadowed in my first post, it did rain a bit on a couple days and was a bit overcast. (Photo gallery at end of post.)

Every cafe or restaurant has an outdoor seating area. Dining by the water, or just grabbing a cup of coffee or tea in the afternoon, watching the shore and the people strolling by quickly became one of our favorite things to do. It was easy to see why this is a popular pastime in Europe. It’s something I still miss as it’s hard to find around here. But, wait! There’s more…

The Plane to Spain, part 2

Kernut the Blond Posted on by
View from Castle in Alicante

View from Santa Barbara Castillo (Castle) in Alicante

This is part 2 of my trip to Spain. (Part 1 in the series is here: The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly…)

Advance apologies for the length and rantiness of this post. I promise the next will just be about my adventures and impressions of Spain.

When we left off…

Panic has now set in. (Please note the sub-title of this blog: I’m FINE: Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. The Adventures, Travels and Tribulations of a Bonkers Blogging Blond. ‘Bonkers’ may be an understatement. Pretty sure it is, but my alter-ego thought ‘bonkers’ rhymed better with ‘blogging’ and ‘blond’.)

Iberia Airlines, with their teams of luggage and policy-making asshats, had conspired to leave me stranded: I’m stuck in a foreign country, alone, speaking only enough espanol to order beer and tacos. As much as I needed one at that moment, I don’t drink beer. Anymore. That leaves me with just tacos. But, wait! There’s more…

The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly…

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Torrevieja, Spain (I think... it' been a while since I looked at the pictures. Any of my readers from Spain please feel free to identify this photo if I'm wrong.)

The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly… On My Brain.

You thought I was going to say ‘On The Plain’, didn’t you?

That’s very Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady of you. Most definitely an awesome movie.

I made it rhyme, though. Pretty good, huh? I outta be a poet.

Wait, don’t go!

Moving on…

So, I went to Spain a several years back with a boyfriend. We’ll call him Lugnut for purposes of anonymity. Mine, not his.

This was my first time overseas. I was flying alone and meeting him there. I’m already a nervous flier (no shit? there’s a shock). I had several transfers to make, and was nervous about flying alone into a foreign country. (The importance of this will be relevant later.) But, wait! There’s more…

Questions and Answers

Kernut the Blond Posted on by
Questions and Answers.

Questions and Answers. The answers may or may not be accurate.

I apologize for not responding sooner, but Formspring, the maker of the comment box on the right, didn’t notify me I had emails! *sigh* Apparently, this has been going on for a while with other members, too, and there is no plan to fix the issue. ???

Disclaimer: I make no promises about the accuracy of the following answers. Do not try this at home. Check with your physician before proceeding. Enter at your own risk. You must be 18 and this tall to ride this ride.

Questions I received…

Q 1. How tall are you?

A. Moooooog35 is that you? I’m about 5’5″.

Q 2.  Hmm i wrote in this box, but don’t know where any reply might show, facebook?

A. They don’t actually show up anywhere. I will repost the questions and answer them here.

Those are all the questions I got. Don’t you all want some more snarky dating advice? Well, I hope so because I’m working on the next round of tips. Feel free to send me questions.

If you’re not worried about anonymity, you can email me questions at swtrpnzl (at) aim (dot) com. I’ll keep your contact info private – only you and I will know 😉

Panic Much? FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Get me outta here!

Panic much?

Do you panic before you check something out and get the facts? Do you decide to confess all before you even know if you’ve been busted for the crime?

Yes? We should be friends.

A dear, dear friend called last week in a major panic. The reason for the call isn’t important, but he was ready to make MAJOR LIFE CHANGING confessions to another person based solely on fear. Fear about what MIGHT happen. Not about what is true, not about what else it could be, but about IF this and IF that, THEN THAT will surely happen!!

OMG. I love him, but gees.

This is known as F.E.A.R. – Fuck Everything And Run, or False Expectations Appearing Real. Also known as FEAR stemming from V.B.T. – Very Bad Thinking. But, wait! There’s more…