Who invited the Yankee to Texas Cow Country, anyhow? Part 1.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

A Yankee in Texas Cow Country stands out like a sore thumb. Or as Texans would say, ‘A Yankee in Texas Cow Country is as scarce as hens teeth.’

My sincere apologies for not having posted in so long. I’m still here, and miss writing my crazy stories for you all very much. I started another part-time job, am still working at the park, and writing for Yahoo! on the side. No, I’m not getting rich – yet. But before my work-week turned into fifty-plus hours a week, I got to do this…

This ‘Yankee’, the name some Texans call me when they aren’t calling me ‘The Californian’ or ‘Cali’, went to a ranch to videotape someone cut the balls off bull calves.

NO, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Calves waiting for shots, tagging, and...

Calves waiting for shots, tagging, and…

This is cattle ranching, Texas style… a complete departure from the suburban life I lived before hitting the open road in my RV a year and a half ago. … But, wait! There’s more…

Going Down? Underground in New Braunfels

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

[cue Aerosmith’s (Going Down) Love In An Elevator]

The Natural Bridge Caverns in New Braunfels were my first caverns ever. Yes, I was a “cavern virgin”.

However, unlike that other “first time”, I thought the caverns were great fun. (Don’t worry, I’ve since come to greatly appreciate more than underground caverns. Thank goodness first impressions aren’t always what they seem.)

Moving on…

These caverns are considered the largest in Texas, and were discovered in 1960. What else can you really say about caverns? They’re underground, damp, and full of weird-looking formations. They’re probably really dark, too, when not run as a tourist attraction loaded with artificial lights…

Natural Bridge Caverns in New Braunfels, Texas

Natural Bridge Caverns in New Braunfels, Texas

They (“They” being the People In Charge of Caverns) But, wait! There’s more…

Because there are cows, well, EVERYWHERE. Even on boats at the park.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Yeah, this happens here. Welcome to Cow Country.

Remember when I told you all how the bovine population outnumbered the human population in this town by ten to one? Even knowing that I was still amazed (and rather delighted) to see this little brown calf arrive at the park on a boat.

A calf on a boat. I can't make this stuff up.

A calf on a boat, arriving at the park. I can’t make this stuff up.

They named him But, wait! There’s more…

Industry in the middle of the country.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by
Bottle Trees

Someone drank a lot of wine. Apparently.

In the middle of nowhere, just outside of Columbus, Texas, you’ll find a huge general store full of the not-so-general. And a lot of “recycled” (aka “garbage”) art. Started in 2006, the Industrial Country Market, and its many structures, are all self-sustaining and fully “off-grid”. Wandering around the large grounds, I would’ve guessed the many well-made outbuildings, extensive art gardens and displays had been started twenty years ago rather than only six.

The not-so-general general store…

But, wait! There’s more…

It’s ALIVE! or How Pyewacket is like the Energizer Bunny.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Like a song you can’t stop singing, this famous one-liner from Frankenstein is stuck in my head: “It’s ALIVE!!”

Because It’s Alive. All. The. Time.

And because I’m losing sleep.

[I suppose I should provide an update to Pyewacket’s peeing problem for those who may have missed it. A trip to the vet confirmed her peeing outside of the box was not “creative thinking” on her part, but was behavioral in nature. The vet suggested I keep doing what I started the night before: sequestering her in a small room with only her food, water, bed, and litter box until she learned to use ONLY the litter box. After every couple days without any “creative peeing”, I expanded her territory to include some of the areas and items once peed-on (but now cleaned). After a successful week she was given full access again.

It’s been a couple weeks since the visit to the vet, and one whole week out of kitty confinement, and all seems well. In fact, the sequestering seems to enhanced her already sweet disposition, she’s even more cuddly than before.]

Now to explain why the phrase “It’s ALIVE!” is running incessantly through my head…

At night when it’s time to go to sleep and I snuggle in bed, Pyewacket thinks this is A: The Time of The Great Grooming, and B: The Time of The Attack of The Bed Sheets

While both of those titles are a bit self-explanatory, I feel the need to further elaborate.

The Time of The Great Grooming

The Time of The Great Grooming, in bed and propped against my *sleeping* legs for support.

In regards to The Time of The Great Grooming, But, wait! There’s more…

The tale of the Rattlesnake Tail and why I’m now a Texan

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

(*hat tip* to Bluz Dude at Darwinfish 2 for the title idea)

The Tale of the Tail

I’ve been creating a tree nursery for the park by germinating such things as Pomegranates, Wisteria, Jacaranda, Cheesewood, and Giant Sequoias. (Heh, I don’t pick the seeds, they were already here just collecting dust on the park store desk.)

Since I was tired of dusting the dust off the seed packets sitting on the desk, I decided to plant them. I designed and am helping to build a greenhouse of sorts* to keep the plants (should they ever sprout) safe from the wild critters who run rampant in the park.

*Before you become impressed with my building skills, keep in mind this greenhouse, much like the Squirrel Obstacle Course, will be made from “found” objects. And I’m not making it very big. Rather than a nursery greenhouse with doors and windows and important stuff like that, it’s more like a plant “cozy”. You know, a “cozy” like your grandmother used to knit to cover the spare toilet paper role that sat on the back of the toilet.

My RV happens to be parked next to the plant cozy tree nursery. I bend down replace one of the nursery bricks, and hear a *hissssss*. Thinking it’s the spray nozzle in front of me, I check the hose. It’s not even dripping.

Then it slowly dawns on me the noise is coming from my other side… I turn my head just in time to see a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake slithering about a foot away from me! Thank goodness he was scared and had already begun to slither away because he could have very easily bitten me before I ever saw him.

rattlesnake tail

The tail of which this tale is about. (My finger is there for scale.)

After I posted this on Facebook, a friend asked if I used a shovel or an axe to kill the rattlesnake. But, wait! There’s more…

I’ve been adopted by a cat named Pyewacket

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

She adopted me. Really.

I say the park stray kitten adopted me because she showed up at my doorstep, spent a couple days checking me out, and then moved in.

Now she doesn’t want to go outside. Ever.

The Rangers and I first noticed her in the park about four days earlier. I tried a few times to coax her over to me, but she would have none of it.

Last weekend I dreamed about Checkers for the first time since her passing, if ever. It was a good dream, I got to hold her, she was happy and sitting in her favorite spot in the RV.

The next morning I went outside to empty the holding tanks (so I could take a shower without the water coming up the drain), when I see the stray kitten dart under my car. I look underneath the car, but don’t see her.

???

Then the chassis started meowing.

So I meowed back. What was I supposed to do? Don’t pretend you wouldn’t have meowed to the chassis, too.

Again the chassis meowed. So, again, I meowed in return.

This meowing back and forth went on for a while. I put out food, she came down from inside the chassis and ate her weight in cat food. While she ate, I went to take that shower (before my odor could scare her off). At that time she was hiding up in the RV chassis.

When I came outside an hour later, she was napping on my doorstep.

?!?!

The first scene replayed (meowing, eating), and then I went inside, leaving the door open. This happened next… But, wait! There’s more…

Loopiness in Luling, Texas

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s a nice little town and all, so why do some people say Luling, Texas is “loopy”?

Maybe it’s because of the Watermelon Thump festival where the person who can spit a watermelon seed the farthest wins. Wins what, I don’t know. Sadly, I missed this festival.

It could also be the watermelon water tower or the crashed airplane advertising skydiving. It’s probably not because of the nice park. But rather than attempt to describe any loopiness, it’s times like these when a picture really is worth a thousand words. You be the judge of the loopiness.

Let’s start with the watermelon water tower…

The Watermelon Water Tower in Luling, Texas.

And why not paint it like a giant green melon?

But really, if you could paint your water tower like a watermelon, wouldn’t you?

As I mentioned earlier, there is a park. But, wait! There’s more…

While enjoying the rain I learned I live in a sieve.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s been hot here in central Texas, hotter than a whore on nickle night at the cat house. So when the rains and cool weather came – without terrifying winds – we all enjoyed it immensely. I can’t tell you how wonderful it has been to wear pants and long-sleeved shirts for the first time in over six months.

So there I was, sitting at the computer in cozy sweat-outfit bliss, trying to catch up on email, etc. while listening to the soothing plip-plop of soft rain on the roof.

Then I heard a SPLAT-SPLAT. Huh, I thought, that drip was louder than the others.

I start to go back to my Facebooking typing when I had a second thought (yes, two in less than a minute – we wouldn’t want to tax ourselves).

Uh-oh… My mouth dropped open as my head snapped up and my focus zeroed in on the drips coming from under the entertainment center. (Feel free to insert a stream of your own dirty words.)

The RV sprung a leak, again, and in almost the same spot as last year. Some of you may recall the time when the windows let in rain. Thank goodness I was home this time, too.

While it feels at times like the Universe is conspiring against me lately with several RV issues happening all at once and myriad other things which you’ve likely been subjected to enjoyed reading, the Universe also seems to provide (sometimes) at the same time: The rain stopped while we spent a good two hours caulking the RV, the temperature was neither hot nor cold, and the rangers once again came to my rescue.

Caulking isn't just for breakfast anymore.

With caulk in her hand? Covered in caulk? There’s a joke in there somewhere. Feel free to post a better one in the comments, but remember my mom reads this blog so don’t go all perverted like that one commenter, ok? On an unrelated note, I chose this photo because my butt looks great. Sometimes, gravity works in your favor.

I would like to take this moment to express my gratitude to the wonderfully kind and helpful rangers at the park. Lets all say a nice little prayer of health and happiness and prosperity for them, ok? Seriously, now is a good time.

RV Slide Issues Update

And another Thank You But, wait! There’s more…