UPDATED Online Dating: The Profile

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

First, I want to extend my great thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses!

Your advice was taken to heart. Well, except maybe the ones that said I should just get out while the getting was good. To quote reader Axel, “Go away from the light. My wife says, ‘Is that a light at the end of the tunnel, or a train?'”

And then there is Mike’s dire warning (in the comment below the Taking the Plunge post) about the sex addicts with multiple profiles.

!!!

*blond lemming feels faint, seriously reconsiders online dating*

But, like any good lemming looking for a cliff, I am moving forward with the online dating. At least for now. You never know when that cliff might suddenly appear.

To that end, I have incorporated your suggestions from the comments section below, and from my Facebook page. You may recognize the first paragraph from the profile I used years ago. I had removed it, but when Kathy suggested including my sense of humor, I added that first paragraph back in. I also mentioned the “Bipolar Kitty Test”. Heh.

Here it is: The Profile  But, wait! There’s more…

Online Dating: I’m Taking the Plunge. Help.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I’m going to do it, I’m going to take The Plunge.

And I want your help.

You probably know from the paragraph I wrote about dating in Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, or my posts on Facebook, that I’m about to join an online dating site. This time I am not under the influence of cold medicine.

So here’s the thing… I have a profile partially set up, but I can’t decide what to write in the text portion. Yeah I know, “I’m a writer.” I should be able to write my profile.

I wrote a draft of a profile the other night. It sort of sucks. Here’s a snippet…

I believe. I’m a hopeless romantic and I believe in love.

Ah, to be In Love, that feeling of two souls combining as one, to make love body and soul, there is no other feeling in the world like it.

That may sound idealistic, but only if you’ve never experienced it before. I believe… No, I know love like that exists because I have felt it.

That is what I’m looking for here: To fall In Love with someone who falls In Love with me, to be cherished and to cherish, to be touched by and to touch another soul. But, wait! There’s more…

Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Editor’s Note: Every year my cat writes a Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh. This started several years ago after I received a very proper Holiday Letter from some relatives.

I used to write an English version and an LOL Speak version. I would then place the version I thought most favored by the recipient into their Christmas card, and mail it off. I did get some strange looks from a few friends that first year, but most took it in stride. (Eh, screw ’em if they can’t take a joke. I’m too old secure to care.)

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmaaaaasss."

LOLSpeak, also known as LOLCat when used by cats. The singing is optional.

That first year, I sent the LOL Speak version to my 86-year-old grandmother on a whim. Not owning a computer or being tech savvy, she had never seen LOL Speak.

But that didn’t matter; she LOVED it. My 86-year-old grandmother “got” LOL Speak. She said she laughed so hard tears streamed down her face. She brought it down to dinner at the retirement home and read it to her dinner companions, who also loved it. She loved the letter more than anyone else has ever expressed to me. Nothing makes me happier than to know my writing makes someone laugh, and especially that it did that for my grandmother.

Last year, my grandmother, and Checkers, my co-pilot and the original writer of the Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh, both passed away. I couldn’t bring myself to do a letter.

This year, Pye will write her first Holiday Letter From The Kitteh. I hope you enjoy it as much as my grandmother would have. But, wait! There’s more…

The Day the Hose Froze: A Blond Moment

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

(Thanks to Cathleen G. for the inspiration for the title!)

The temperature hovered between 27 and 28 degrees for most of the day, so said the AcuRite thermometer attached to the tree outside, transmitting the digital reading to the receiver inside my warm RV.

I originally planned to stay inside, warm and dry. However, after spending a day in front the computer I opted to run some errands and meet with friends. At 4:00 p.m. it was still a chilly 29-30 degrees, according to the thermometer in my car. That was the high for the day.

Drizzling rain froze on the windshield as I drove.

December in Texas.

December in Texas, as drawn by a Texan. Obviously.

Four hours later I’m back home, warming up. I puttered around the house for a bit, and then turned on the faucet… *pthhh pthhhh* The water trickled and sputtered from the faucet for a couple seconds before stopping altogether.

??

I tried it again a few minutes later… *pthhh pthhh pthh* Then nothing.

Could it be my wrapped pipes froze??

Oh, I know how to fix this! I turned on the hot water heater. My logic behind this: If the hose and outside pipes are frozen, I should still be able to get water from the hot water heater, which is inside and independent of the frozen hose outside. I later learned this logic is a tad “blond”.

Still no water. But, wait! There’s more…

Texas Weather, Bipolar Kitty, and Dating In a Small Town

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Editor’s note: As the title might indicate, this post if full of randomness. Why? Because my mind is too full of the useless crap I “have to get done” to think of something funny and entertaining to write. But I wanted you all to know I’m still here, and would rather be blogging.

Hi, Kernuties! I’m still here, after a brief visit to Northern California for Thanksgiving, where Austin and San Francisco TSA did not feel me up anything like the South Dakota TSA did. I’d rather be blogging than meeting other deadlines, cleaning the house, paying bills, hunting for a good-paying job with nice people, and looking for a fun Park Host job at the coast for the winter.

Ok, so now that you know I’m still here and would rather be blogging, let’s get on with the interesting stuff randomness…

Texas Weather and Bipolar Kitty Update

It’s hella* cold in Texas Hill Country! It was 28 degrees today at 10:30 a.m. Some of you may remember I went to South Dakota in April, during their biggest storm in 20 years. And it wasn’t this cold.

It’s so cold, Bipolar Pye has snuggled with me all night (something I’ve wished for since she was a kitten) for the past couple nights. I don’t think she’s peed in the house… yet. It will be cold for another couple nights, so she still has time.

I let her out yesterday afternoon for a few minutes “to pee”. I looked out the window after about 10 minutes to see her huddled under the picnic table, looking miserable. I caved and let her back in. (Big shock there.) But, to my great surprise, she came in and immediately went to the litter box.

???

She will pee in the litter box unless she’s mad about something I can’t figure out, but hasn’t pooed in it in months. That, at least, she always does outside. Thank Goodness for small favors.

It’s now early afternoon and she’s snuggled in my lap while I write this. She only loves me when it’s cold out.

I know many of you have it much worse, like anyone north of central Texas and my daily visitor from Yukon, Oklahoma. (I don’t know anything other than your city, but thanks for checking in every day! I’m assuming there is only one reader from Yukon because I can’t imagine having so many readers as to have two from the same small town. By the way, what is dating like in Yukon, OK?)

(*For those of you not from Northern California, “hella” or “hecka” is Nor Cal-speak for “very”. It can be used even if you’re not a surfer who says “Dude”.)

Dating in Small-town Texas

Two words: It sucks.

I’ve been is the same general location, Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, for over a year now. The population is less than 10,000. (I’m not being specific because I’m – apparently – still young enough to attract the creepy/angry/weird stalker types.)

Dating in a small Cow-Chicken-Oil Town sucks. Period.

Most of the men here (and there are many more than women because of the oil boom) are married. Most of the single ones seem to have a substance abuse problem.

There is one man who is cute, in my preferred age range, and seems to lack any substance abuse problems, but he has a girlfriend.

Choose wisely because should that one guy you dated turn out not to be The One, you’re pretty much stuck in Singlesville. In a small town everyone knows you two dated. They may still think you’re dating – no matter how much you want to make sure the whole town knows you’re not.

If that wasn’t bad enough, everyone is related to everyone else. Dating another person in the same town may be perceived as incestuous.

The only option is to date out of town.

This, dear Kernutties, has lead me to contemplate joining Match.com again or Date A Cowboy (yup, that’s a real site). I haven’t done it yet, and I may not, but I’ve been checking out the candidates on both sites.

If you’re a long-time reader (thank you!), you know that Match thing didn’t go well for me. If I do try it again, I’m going to post a bad photo of myself and see if that improves the responses. You know, fewer responses that are asking me for a “hookup” and maybe more who actually read what I write there.

Meanwhile, I’ll be sleeping with the Biploar Kitty. At least until the weather warms up and she wants to go back outside.

 

Because my bipolar cat told me to.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I think my cat is bipolar.

Pye is unpredictable, as you all know: she pees in the box, she pees on the chair; she snuggles, she runs away from home; she licks me, she bites me. I know the peeing is purely behavioral: she gets mad if I start the RV, or leave her locked in when she doesn’t want to be.  But I can’t figure out what triggers the rest of the sudden changes in behavior. At the moment, she’s on a cuddley streak, after being on a 3-day “I’m wild and don’t know you unless I’m hungry” streak.

The latter started shortly after I gave her flea medicine on the back of her neck.

She appears to have an allergic reaction to the flea drops at the treatment site; she scratches at the spot for a day or two. But after this latest application, I’ve began to suspect the allergic reaction goes deeper than just a bit of itching. This was the first time I noticed a change in her mental behavior for several days after the flea medicine was administered.

This sure would explain a lot about her unpredictable behavior. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be much about this kind of side effect on the internet. Have any of you ever experienced a change in behavior with your dog or cat after administering flea drops?

"Meow?" "Yes, Kitty, in a minute."

Pye: “Meow?” Me: “Yes, baby, in a minute.”

I talk to the animals. I know you do, too.

A conversation about talking to your cat started But, wait! There’s more…

The Creek Dun Rose…

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Holy High Water, Batman!

The river I’m parked on rose to over 40 feet in some areas – 9 feet over flood stage. Many RVers in other parks were evacuated. We were lucky here, no one had to relocate. But a few of us, myself included, were given the suggestion to “pack up and be ready to move, just in case.”

Unlike my usual “panic like a lemming” mode, I didn’t sit inside waiting for the water to rise. Instead, I went out and took a bunch of flood pictures from the water’s edge. For you, my dear Kernutties, for you I braved Mother Nature’s destruction, risking life and limb, to get y’all some photos. You’re welcome.

Before you say, “Hey, wait a minute. Your photos usually stink”, you should know these came out pretty good. (I know, I’m shocked, too.)

The Flood

I’m going to let all you City Slickers in on a little secret. Unlike the natural disasters I witnessed when I lived in a big city, I had free access to all areas of this one. No one stood guard. No areas were blocked off. In northern California the authorities would have had all areas cordoned off, guarded by officers with a nasty demeanor, at the ready to shoo you away like a pesky fly.

Yet another thing I like about small towns; they just don’t seem to panic. But maybe it’s just Texans.

As you will see in the better-than-usual photos, it was a lovely sunny day when the water rose. Believe it or not, it didn’t rain all that much here, but it did rain a lot upstream a couple days before. So much so, the dams up river had to let out water. This means flooding to areas like my little ol’ cow/chicken/oil town. The good news is we all get a day or two advance notice of the impending doom.

Without further ado… The Flood Photos

All I had to do in this small cow/chicken/oil town was shove some fellow looky-loos out of the way so I could get this shot. For you, dear Kernutties, for you.

Guadalupe River Texas flood 2013

Flooded local park on the Guadalupe River.

This is a But, wait! There’s more…

Ring my bell and warm my bed.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Maybe not in that order. Wait. What?

This is the third and final post from my visit to the Frontier Times Museum in Bandera, Texas. The first post is Two heads are better than one shrunken head. Possibly. The second is Only the best dressed fleas for MY pets. (If you haven’t already read them, read this one first and end with those. They’re better and I should have finished with them. This is the part where procrastinators win.)

A Woman After My Own Heart

A collector of many things, Mrs. Louisa Gordon’s collections of bells, bed pans, money and stones take up an entire wing of the museum.

According to a sign posted in the wing, she and her husband traveled extensively. Many of the items in her collections were acquired during their travels. Upon her death in 1941, she willed her collections to J. Marvin Hunter’s museum, now the Frontier Times Museum.

Ring My Bells

That same sign introducing Mrs. Gordon’s collections also says this is likely the largest collection of bells in the world. I wanted to ring one, but I didn’t want to get kicked out before I found that elusive two-headed rodent. I should’ve rung the bells. (If you don’t know about the elusive “two-headed rodent”, see the first post.)

Ring my bells.

This picture doesn’t capture the whole collection of bells.

But, wait! There’s more…

There’s no i in team, but there are two u’s in shut up.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Why is it when some people have an issue, rather than discuss it like a rational human being they decide to lash out? *sigh*

Or even worse, they assume something completely moronic and then lash out like they know everything? And why is it some people run the minute there is any conflict? How can you get to be that old and not have learned SOME communication skills??

But never mind this for now, I really don’t care. Instead I will try to live by this message from Joel Osteen (posted on Facebook, thanks to reader Greg V.):

“What would this world be like if instead of judging people we would start loving people? So they don’t look like you, they don’t dress like you, they don’t raise their children like you, they’re not supposed to. God made us all different. Maybe they’re not making good decisions right now. That’s okay, show them mercy. They’re still on their journey.”

Well, I just wish some people would hurry the heck up and get there. *big sigh*

Moving on…

I do have some funny stuff from around the web to amuse you, mostly brought to you by a couple of my readers. Yes, I’m phoning it in.

Here is a fun one: Toilets of the World Quiz (thanks to reader Fumiko G.). They show you a picture of a bathroom, and give you a choice of three cities. I got 6/10. If you play, come back and post your scores in the comments.

Do you need a Halloween costume? Here’s But, wait! There’s more…

Only the best dressed fleas for MY pets.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

A small museum in a small town, The Frontier Times Museum in Bandera, Texas packs in a whole lot of the weird and wonderful I’ve not seen anywhere. What it lacks in size, it makes up for in density, and random oddities. The place is full up to the high ceiling with — stuff. Stuff like shrunken heads and dressed fleas.

Last we left off with the two-headed goat and the shrunken heads. That’s a hard act to follow, no doubt. Perhaps I shouldn’t have lead with the heads. Oh well, too late now.

Before we get to the well-dressed fleas, I’ve got some antique torture other oddities to show you, all courtesy of the museum. The photo captions tell of their awesomeness. (click photo to enlarge)

This antique hair curler reminds me of something from a sci-fi movie -- something you wouldn't want on your head.

This antique hair curler reminds me of something from a sci-fi movie — you, know something you wouldn’t want on your head.

But, wait! There’s more…