This is another episode of Tales From the RV Park, stories from the RV parks where I’ve camped. Disclaimer: These stories are fictitious, happened in nightmares, are hearsay, and/or are what others recounted to me. I am part Irish, so there is likely a good deal of exaggeration. The names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. There is no relation to persons living, dead, or in jail, even if you think so. In other words, don’t bother trying to sue me.

It’s a shame you can’t buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

Perpetually Plastered (first introduced here) has done it again.

But let me back up a bit… Perpetually Plastered got his first DUI at 13. Yes, thirteen years old. He wasn’t legally old enough to drive, let alone drink. I learned this when I ran a little background check on him and came across an old newspaper article from his home town. The arresting officer was quoted as saying, ‘I think this may be some kind of record. I don’t think I’ve ever arrested someone this young for a DUI.’ The fact that a juvenile’s (PP at the time) name was printed in the article is surprising, but there it was. He got another DUI at the age of 18 in the same town.

He told a mutual friend he had been arrested 25 times in his 39-year life. Keep in mind he spent seven of those 39 years in prison (for drugs). If you do the math, and assume he didn’t have access to drugs and alcohol while locked up that time (I’m sure there have been other stints in the pokey, but I know of that one), he has achieved these 25 arrests in 32 years. Arrest number 25 was a few months ago, as mentioned in his introductory post.

Perpetually Plastered Arrested Again, Visits the Pokey

This brings us to arrest number 26. Last weekend local police spotted him leaving a fast food chain, and attempted to pull him over. I guess he didn’t like that idea because he sped off, and promptly crashed into two mailboxes, a business sign, and two trees, totaling his truck. Then he tried to flee on foot.

Once apprehended, PP had such severe facial injuries that, rather than arrest him and take him to jail, he was taken to a major hospital in Austin – an hour away. He was released from the hopsital the next day and took a cab back to his trailer at the RV park that has the crack-addict pee-ers. He then asked our mutual friend for a ride to get his phone and wallet.

To locate the whereabouts of his truck containing the phone and wallet, he first called the police to see if they had it. They suggested he call the tow yard. He did, and then tells the tow company he’ll be right over.

About as sharp as a box of rocks, that one.

Imagine his surprise when the police came to arrest him moments after he arrived at the tow yard. Huh? The police knew where he was? (<— dripping with sarcasm)

Oh, yeah, that’s right! He TOLD them he would be there when he called looking for his phone and wallet. I can only guess he is secretly auditioning for an episode of America’s Dumbest Criminals.

This happened about a week ago. His is being held on a $50,000 bond.

Once he got his phone and wallet out of his totaled truck, he was trying to get my friend to take him to another vehicle. (My friend’s husband works at the same place as PP, and that is the only reason she was helping him at all. Plus, she’s nice.) PP wanted her to take him to his 18-wheeler so he could drive some more! Yup, PP was going to work in his big truck – probably still plastered from the night before when he totaled his pickup.

She told him he should NOT be on the road, let alone driving that 18-wheeler. She asked him if he’d considered going to AA. He said he’d tried it and it didn’t work. (I know many people for whom AA has worked – but you’ve got to show up and do the work. If you don’t want it, it won’t work.) It was then the police arrived to arrest him for the 26th time.

The trucking firm he was working for found out, and I think they have let him go. I don’t like to see anyone lose their job, but drinking and driving is dangerous enough in a car, let a long an 18-wheeler. Personally, I’m glad he’s off the roads – at least for now. I don’t know how someone with all of his DUIs and arrests can get a CDL. Something just isn’t right.