In Loving Memory of the World’s Best Companion and RV Copilot

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

This is a sad post, but I feel I owe it to you all to let you know.

My raison d'etre.

My raison d’etre doing what she loved best.

Checkers, my loving and faithful companion of 18 years, passed away today. I always knew this day would come, but that doesn’t make it easier. (If you need to catch up on the adventures of Checkers, the RV Copilot and World’s Best Kitty, start here: Kernut is selling a kidney.)

Checkers was my raison d’etre.

I’ve had her since she was six weeks old. It’s been almost 18 years to the day since I got her from the Humane Society. She lived with me longer than any of my relatives (parents and sibling). She outlasted boyfriends – even one who foolishly thought I would get rid of her when he asked. (You’ll notice he is looong gone.) She got me through more than one nasty breakup and she got me through some very dark times. I owe her more than I could ever repay.

I know she’s still with me in spirit. I’ve saved a lock of her fur for when I go see the Largest Ball of Twine. I think she would have liked it.

May the angels keep you and bless you and guide you home. xoxo

I Love You People! But, wait! There’s more…

Kernut is selling a kidney

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

So, this is a guest post by Checkers. Yes, the cat.

The Kibble and Tribble Wrangler Cat. The protagonist in Cat-ass-trophe. Author of the Holiday Letter From Da Kitteh. The RV Copilot Who Can’t Read Maps.

Yes, that cat.

THE BEST CAT IN THE WORLD.

Your fearless blogger and Queen of the Zombies has decided to turn her blog over to a Higher Being – just this once, to see how it goes.

Actually, that’s not true. She’s not here and I’m all by myself. This post shouldn’t be here. Don’t tell her, okay? I’m not allowed to touch the computer or play with the mouse. (I don’t get that one… it’s a mouse and I’m a cat. I’m supposed to play with mice, right?)

I haven’t been well lately. But, wait! There’s more…

Home on the Range – the ol’ family homestead in Kerrville, Texas

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Kernut was in Kerrville, Texas. Again.

“Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play.”

Kerrville, a town of about 22,000 in the northeastern area of Texas Hill Country, is where my grandparents had a small ranch for about 30 years. I was last there when I was twelve – a few decades ago, or 10 years ago. Hard to say, my math isn’t so good. I’m 29, dammit!

Moving on…

Kerrville has grown quite a bit and now includes the ubiquitous WalMart. My grandmother sold the last section of the ranch several years ago, but I decided to drive by and see how it’s changed since I was a kid. When I went by I found a portion of the original property was again for sale.

And guess what? There’s a pyramid in Kerrville, Texas! Like the one in Quartzsite, Arizona, I’m pretty sure the Egyptians didn’t build this one, either.

Entrance to the ranch my grandparent's used to own.

Entrance to the ranch in Kerville.

I’d totally forgotten about the gate guard pyramid. I think my grandfather built most of it and then the current owners refurbished it.

But, wait! There’s more…

Braless in Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I made it to Bandera, Texas, the Cowboy Capital of the World. And it was good for me. 

Cowboy Capital of the World!

Cowboy Capital of the World!

Bandera is bangin’! It’s a small Texas Hill Country town full of real cowboys. (…) They’ve got something going on almost every night of the week.

And it’s going on bralessly. Apparently.

Braless in Bandera Texas

Somebody is braless in Bandera, Texas.

If you consider the number of bras hanging from the ceiling in this bar, virtually every woman is braless in Bandera, Texas. Is that how to rope a cowboy? I’m asking because I need to know. But, wait! There’s more…

What you need to know to tow a vehicle behind your RV.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Not long ago, I wrote Ten Things You Must Know Before Buying A Used RV. Consider this post the sequel.

To Tow or Not to Tow, that is the question.

Two dear friends of mine, J & V, are embarking on the same journey I’m on. They’ve just bought an RV, are selling their house, and hitting the road as full-time RVers.

Yippee!! You can not imagine how excited I am for them! I truly love this lifestyle and highly recommend it.

Naturally, they have questions. Curiously, they’ve asked for *my* advice.

Huh. Perplexing, isn’t it? Well, with displays of such bravery so early on, I know they will surely succeed in their grand adventure.

J wrote to me…

…we are getting ready slowly but surely. Tell me your experience if any with a tow car?

It occurred to me (belatedly, as most things do) that future RV owners and readers may be equally curious about dinghy towing, as it’s formally known, or getting a “toad” as it’s colloquially known. (The following obviously doesn’t pertain to those who’ve opted for a fifth-wheel trailer, or Class B vans/RVs. Or those of you who don’t plan to ever RV. Feel free to go to the next post now.)

How and why I decided to get a tow vehicle.

Well-meaning people, most of whom have never RVed let alone full-timed, will tell you to get a moped, or bicycles, or just rent cars everywhere you go. Don’t listen to them unless you’re just a weekender or short-term RVer.

Ok, let’s play that one out: Imagine being But, wait! There’s more…

Fulton, Texas Oysterfest, a festivus for the rest of us.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I love small-town festivals. Especially if they have a wacky theme… like oysters.

Long-time readers may recall the Begonia Festival in Calpitola, California, also know as the time I “brought sand to the beach“. (That means bringing a date to a cadre of single, financially successful men. A bad idea, much like bringing sand to the beach.)

Have I learned anything? No. So far this year has been pretty bad when it comes to my dating choices. (That’s a total understatement.) The married “but I’m separated” ones continue to plague me like locusts. Some going so far as to lie altogether about their marital status.

Really? REALLY??! Jesus crust.

Just another scent I must be giving off.

But today I’m not going to bore you with my numerous dating woes. Mostly because this shit is just getting old. Instead, I’m going to regale you with the Fulton Oysterfest. You’ll never guess what the theme is.

Rockport Oysterfest Carnival 2012

Fulton Oysterfest Carnival 2012

Fulton, Texas Oysterfest Float Parade and Carnival

I had the best. funnel. cake. ever. Not too greasy, and the dough was the best!

It’s important to note that float parades in Texas are different from those in California. The Begonia Festival in Capitola utilizes actual floating floats, covered with flowers.

In Texas, where all cars are one-ton diesel pickup trucks, But, wait! There’s more…

They say ‘y’all’ in these here parts. UPDATED.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Texas is the land of ‘y’all’. I’d like to think I fit in when it comes to use of the local colloquialism, but I know I don’t because everyone still refers to me as “the California gal”.

A while back I wrote a post about a few of the colloquialisms found around the country, We Say Dude In These Here Parts. It was prompted by both my fascination with local colloquialisms and a friend visiting California from Meeneesooota.

Words you’ll need to know when coming to Texas.

‘Y’all’ is a conjunction of “you all”. Not usually said to an individual unless referring to that person’s family (who may not be present at the moment).

‘All y’all’ is the plural of the above.

Whataburger is a very popular fast food restaurant here in Texas. Regardless of how the word looks, it is pronounced – very quickly – ‘Waterbuger’. It took me a month to figure out what they were talking about.

Beall’s a department store, like a cross between Kohl’s and Macy’s, is pronounced ‘Bell’s’. The “a” is ignored.

Wherya headin’?

San Antonio is referred to as But, wait! There’s more…

Oddities in Rockport, Texas

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Here are a few of the weird, wacky, and wonderful oddities found in and around Rockport, Texas.

A Big Tree? So big it gets a sign of it's own? This is Texas - it must be really big!

A Big Tree? So big it gets a sign of it’s own?

A Big Tree? So big it gets a sign of it’s own? This is Texas – the tree must be really big!

The Big Tree on Goose Island State Park.

The Big Tree on Goose Island State Park.

Huh. Somehow I thought it would be bigger. (That’s what she said.)

Maybe it’s the angle? (That’s what he said.) Let’s try another view… (Baby, get closer to it…) But, wait! There’s more…

Rockin’ in Rockport, Texas

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Thought long and hard about that catchy title, I did.

Welcome to Rockport, Texas!

Welcome to Rockport, Texas!

Rockport, Texas is one of the most beautiful places I’ve yet seen on my travels. That short list includes the Grand Canyon’s North Rim, and Monterey, California. It’s full of palm and oak trees, and bordered by miles of coastline. It’s one of the top fishing and birdwatching places in the nation.

There are more linear feet of fishing piers than sidewalks in Rockport.

There are more linear feet of fishing piers than sidewalks in Rockport.

But, wait! There’s more…

And now there’s a mouse in the house, err, RV.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

As if, AS IF, I don’t already have a full house with Checkers the RV Copilot, the varmint squirrel, Bugzilla the well-groomed Giant Cockroach, and Sparky the Bird, now there’s a mouse in the house, my RV.

A mouse.

I have a cat. I shouldn’t have a mouse.

Let’s review: My cat/RV copilot can’t read maps, and doesn’t deter rodents. This is just wrong.

In her defense, at the ripe old age of 18 she probably can’t hear the mouse chewing up the inside of my kitchen drawers.

How do I know there’s a mouse?

The other morning I opened the silverware drawer to see one of those crushed red pepper packets you get when you order pizza broken open, contents spilling out. Upon closer inspection, I noticed the packet wasn’t broken, but chewed open. Finely shredded bits of paper and of the drawer lining lay in a small pile.

Along with:

  • Poos in the silverware drawer.
  • Poos in the utensil drawer below.
  • Poos in the dishtowel drawer below that.

Mouse poos.

I bleached the drawers and contents, and washed the dish towels so I don’t get Hantavirus. You know, that life-threatening disease spread by mice.

From the US Library of medicine: But, wait! There’s more…