This is filed under Random Rants, and Dating. This pretty much assures it can’t be good. Feel free to leave now.

Ok, you’ve been warned.

My sister, Chickenbone, once told me ‘Don’t bring sand to the beach.’

Me: ???

Chickenbone: If you’re single, don’t bring a date to a party.

Me: (still) ???

Chickebone: …where there are single men.

Me (a minute later): Ohhhh. (the light bulb isn’t always super bright, folks)

That conversation was years ago, but I’ve kept it in the back of my mind.

Until last weekend.

Let me paint the picture for y’all… I was sick. Sick as a dog with a cold, and laryngitis. No voice at all on Friday. Awesome. I even had to cancel a business meeting I was looking forward to, because really, how can you talk with a potential client WHEN YOU HAVE NO VOICE with which to sell your services. No, not those kinds of services! *sigh* It’s really my fault for leading you down that path all too often.

I was determined not to let my sickness affect my three-day weekend. On with the plans! Among other folks, I invited an acquaintance from a meditation center to which we both belong to join me in volunteering for the float parade. He’s cute, seems nice, and we’ve chatted a few times after services and classes. He’s also the only one who wanted to go. It’s a two-day event about one hour away. We agreed to meet there after my business meeting.

But then I got sick and I had to cancel my business meeting which meant we didn’t have to meet there. He offered to drive. Remember – I was in a weakened state. So I said “Sure”.

By doing that I had just turned this into a date.

However, I didn’t fully realize this yet. I didn’t mind going with him as I’m pretty social. He was also being considered as POTENTIAL date material. The jury was still out at this point.

Well, the jury came in on the long ride over.

He’s still cute and nice, but he’s also MARRIED.

WTF? I always seem to attract the married ones. Why the hell is that?

I should clarify – he’s separated. Oh, well then that changes everything! <— dripping with sarcasm I don’t f*ing care. Separated = married in my book, and is immediate grounds for “we’re not gonna date”. This was fine, we can be friends and hang out. But later he was subtly putting the moves on me… scooting closer (like the courting pigeons!), gently brushing his hand against mine, but then moving it like it was an accident, etc, etc.

Really? REALLY???

Maybe you’re wondering: Why did I find this so annoying? It suggested to me he was looking for a booty call – with MY booty. Never once did he ask what I was looking for, if I was seeing anyone, if I even wanted to be a booty call for a married man. Granted, he’s been married 20 something years and (probably) has little dating experience. Obviously.

(By the way – I’m not judging. There is totally a time and a place for booty calls, and it’s a personal choice dating umm ‘separated’ people. Some know I’ve made my share of booty calls (hi boys! 😉  and dated where I wouldn’t today.)

I managed to rebuff his advances well-enough and we continued building the float and had fun hanging out. I thought things were fine, until I realized I was surrounded by about half a dozen eligible (some even wealthy) men.

*purrrrr*

(time passes)

Oh, hi there. Where was I? Oh, right.

Sand.

This guy must have sensed my interest in a couple of the men, because he did what I call “pissing a circle around me”. He made a big deal of hugging me and thanking me for bringing him, he ‘was having such a great time’, in front of the whole group. At one point he even took the f*ken liberty of patting my thigh! He was marking his “territory” in front of the eligible sand.

I brought sand to the f*king beach, y’all. A damn nice beach it was, too. With really awesome, eligible sand. That now thinks I’m with that guy.