I love small-town festivals. Especially if they have a wacky theme… like oysters.

Long-time readers may recall the Begonia Festival in Calpitola, California, also know as the time I “brought sand to the beach“. (That means bringing a date to a cadre of single, financially successful men. A bad idea, much like bringing sand to the beach.)

Have I learned anything? No. So far this year has been pretty bad when it comes to my dating choices. (That’s a total understatement.) The married “but I’m separated” ones continue to plague me like locusts. Some going so far as to lie altogether about their marital status.

Really? REALLY??! Jesus crust.

Just another scent I must be giving off.

But today I’m not going to bore you with my numerous dating woes. Mostly because this shit is just getting old. Instead, I’m going to regale you with the Fulton Oysterfest. You’ll never guess what the theme is.

Fulton Oysterfest Carnival 2012

Fulton, Texas Oysterfest Float Parade and Carnival

I had the best. funnel. cake. ever. Not too greasy, and the dough was the best!

It’s important to note that float parades in Texas are different from those in California. The Begonia Festival in Capitola utilizes actual floating floats, covered with flowers.

In Texas, where all cars are one-ton diesel pickup trucks, the floats are decorated flatbed trailers pulled by a pickup truck.

Bastante, Rockport, Texas Oysterfest float.

"Free Beer Yesterday." Gee, thanks?

Great float-parade spirit!

We salute our troops! (The crotch shot is unintentional, embarrassing, and gratuitous. You're welcome.)

We won "Best Car". (No, we don't care that it's a truck and not a car.)

How can you not just love small-town festivals? Especially when your float wins.

Small-town festivals generally don’t have big sponsors like Starbucks or Home Depot. Not that I don’t love both of those, but the commercialism takes away from the charm of the festival, in my opinion. I love it when the floats are sponsored by the local mom-and-pop coffee shop or the general store.

And you’ll never see big city festivals with whimsical themes like oysters, begoina flowers, or shrimp. Yup, the Aransas Pass Shrimporee is coming up. You know I’ll be there!