Mostly, I get wonderful, sweet and praising emails from you folks. I save them all.

Sometimes the BS I get in my inbox requires a special rant. This is one of those times.

As the Match.com Dating Chronicles and Dating Exiled Royalty attest, my love life has been nothing if not interesting. Dating still seems to me one of the strangest activities. It’s like a prolonged interview, and you don’t really know if there’s even a job for you.

Needless to say, my experiences, especially those with Match.com, have left me leery of dating in general. Most especially of internet dating in particular.

While I do get asked out fairly regularly, it takes a special person and a special request to get a “yes” out of me. In the last two weeks I’ve received several requests over the internet for a date, or a general indication of interest. A couple are worthy of a “Yes”, but we’ll discuss those in the next post.

Would-be suitors take note: Included herein are the don’ts of asking for a date. There are ways to ask a lady out to get a “yes”, and ways to be assured you’re turned down. If you want a quick hookup, just go to the bar and don’t waste her (read: my) time.

Like this article recommends, calling someone over the phone is much better than asking for a date over the internet or, Heaven forbid, via text. If I don’t know you, emailing is appropriate while we get to know each other. However, if I’ve given you my number, a phone call is much better.  Someday you will have to pick up that phone if you want to date me.

The first couple requests for “dates” were from married men I know.  The emailed offers to engage in an affair were barely subtle, and unmistakable. And not worth wasting any more space on this blog.

In my opinion, no response is required. If they think so little of me that I’m only worthy of being their mistress, I hardly feel the need to reply at all. They have no respect for me (or women in general), and think I have none for myself.

Wrong. But now I have no respect for them.

NEXT!

The following email exchange is from someone I met once through friends six months ago. We are linked on Facebook. Each line listed below he sent in. a. separate. email. over a period of three days. If you know me at all, you know I detest one-line emails. It’s like texting, and conveys no emotion or thought. However, it does convey a serious lack of effort and interest in getting to really know someone.

Monosyllabic Guy: Hi (Kernut)

Me: Hello

MG: how are you?

(I’ve seen this pattern before. A one-liner like that, sent one. at. a. time. from someone I hardly know is not going to elicit a response. I have shit to do. Like pick lint off my shirt.)

MG, again because I didn’t bother to answer: Do you remember me?

*sigh*

Me: I remember meeting you, but can’t remember if it was at a (business) meeting or a party. Refresh my memory?

MG: Party

(The conversation being so scintillating at this point, I couldn’t bring myself to reply. *snort*)

MG, again: How’s your love life?

(Oh for fuck’s sake. As if it’s any of his business.) 

Me: (Name of friend’s) party. You sure don’t waste time getting to the personal questions, do ya? LOL My life is detailed, without reservation, on http://kernut.com/ .

I haven’t heard back so I can only assume he’s stuck on the big words.

In stark contrast to the above, I’ve recently received lengthy and thoughtful email requests for a date, and a lovely unsolicited review of my blog, including an indication of interest.

What was right about these?

First: They read my writing before asking me out. My blog is FULL of dating advice specific to me. In short – I’ve literally spelled it out for any would-be suitors.

Next up we learn how to do it right in “He told 700 people, ‘I spent the night with Kernut!’”