My Blog is a Guilty Pleasure

Pepperidge Farm Doesn’t Understand Me

UPS Hires Basketball Players

My Gift: Some Assembly, and Transportation, Required

Google Searches Confuse Me, and Others

(Really, I’ve got nothing. And sometimes Google has nothing, too.)

A friend emailed me the other day to tell he how much he enjoys my blog.

🙂 I start getting all warm and fuzzy. No, really, I’m actually not being sarcastic this time. I love hearing how much you guys enjoy my blog. I get a little excited every time someone leaves a comment. Just a little. Like I do about chocolate. Every. day.

And then I read the second line. He said, ‘Just don’t tell anyone. LOL’

Ah. Apparently my blog = Guilty Pleasure. I guess it’s kind of like admitting you read US Weekly.

Ok, I can live with that. I’m just happy to have readers – even if some of you are in the guilty pleasure blog closet.

Pepperidge Farm cookies. I love them. A lot. As a cookie addict, I just don’t understand the need for the expiration date on the package. The cookies are lucky to make it to my house, let alone the car. No expiration date needed. It’s just wasting ink. (This seemed waaay funnier at dinner the other night. Sorry.)

Ever wonder why your UPS packages are broken? I discovered why this week.

When he realized no one was home to accept the package, the UPS guy left the usual note on the front door, checking the box that says “Left Package On Patio”.

I get home and see the note on the door, but no package on the doorstep. Huh. Then I think, ‘Oh no, someone stole it’.

I’m inside for several minutes before I casually glance out on the second story balcony.

WTF???

There’s the package. Looking like someone had THROWN it as if going for the two-point shot.

Your packages are busted because UPS hires basketball players. Mystery Solved!

For my recent birthday my father purchased a wood file cabinet as a present (this is something I requested).

I think it’s lovely – but I don’t. really. know.

The day before my birthday he left a voicemail message, “Happy Birthday! We’re on our way to Mexico for a week, but your gift is in the garage. Oh, and it’s 55 pounds. Bye!”

*blink blink*

They’re in Mexico, but I go to my father’s over the weekend to find my gift in the garage. It was easy to find, since it wasn’t wrapped. No card. No bow. Just a box with a file cabinet inside. That needs assembly. And is too heavy for me to get home. So it also needs movers.

It’s still at my dad’s.

Gee Dad, no need to stand on ceremony on my account. It’s only the birthday of YOUR FIRST BORN. Not that that’s special or anything.

Here are the recent Google Search phrases that sent people to my blog, and the posts Google kindly directed them to:

Phrases: Facebook addicts anonymous, The 12 steps of FB (and several variations there of)

Google sent them to: Facebook Addicts Anonymous 12 Steps. This was probably a bit more humorous than helpful, but good nonetheless as the searchers seemed to stay for a while, reading several pages.

Phrases: Carson city cat house, Carson city sex bar, malebrothels reno,nev, Do brothels have menus, (and several more variations there of),

Carson city herding (hmm, I don’t think this one was looking for brothels. Sorry dude.),

+how much for a half & half in carson city nevada (Good luck finding prices! As my regular readers now know, everything is negotiable.)

Google sent them to: Sex in Carson City: My Trip to The Brothels. A great spot to see the brothel’s pleasure menus AND learn 11 things about brothels. Glad to know I could help them.

I try to be informative. I think most of them left right away. So sad.

Phrase: men in momens underwear (not my typo, just reporting ’em as I find ’em) Oh my.

Google sent them to: Embarrassing Moments in Underwear – I’ll Show You Mine… Hmmm, probably not quite what s/he was looking for. Sorry ’bout that.

And my favorite phrase: girls farting in your lap videos

Ok Google… What are you thinking?! I’ve got NOTHING on my site for this guy. Really.