If this is your first time here, Welcome! And also I’m Sorry.

This is post number three in the saga of my online dating experience. You can start crying for me anytime. Read these to get caught up: First, I joined Match.com , and second, Adventures In Dating Part 1.

No, you're not a stalker, you're just lonely and looking for an instant girlfriend.

How do you all like my new Match.com slogan? “The Odds Are Good That The Goods Are Odd”

And boy are they odd.

Biker Boy is a Jekyll and Hyde. He’s either all clingy with me, sending me tons of emails and calling me several times the same day, whining I’m dating others while we get to know each other, or completely selfish, controlling, and downright rude. After turning down his last minute request for dinner the morning of Valentine’s Day, he proceeded to email me several times and call me twice that evening. The evening I said I was going to be out.

As if this wasn’t enough, the next morning when I check email for the first time since the day before, I find several emails from him, and this one: ‘Wassup? You pissed? insulted? Done? Or none of the above? How are you today?’ All because I didn’t respond while I was out???

In my reply I asked if he’d forgotten I had plans (did he not remember I turned down his date that very morning??). I explained being out with a friend means I don’t answer the phone – unless it’s important. My mother taught me it’s impolite to your guest/present company.

On a quick aside: His mentioning my possibly being ‘insulted’ is most likely in reference to when he made a very crude remark about checking out one of my intimate body parts. No, it wasn’t my ass. I had never even heard the word. When I told him I didn’t even want to know what that meant, he proceeded to tell me. I told him I was shocked. He was “Well, that’s how I am.” Obviously that’s code for ‘I was raised by wolves’.. Oddly, he has a day job that requires wearing a suit. Sheep’s clothing, no doubt.

Since receiving my email, he was initially rather whiny, and has now fallen off the face of the earth. He (blissfully) stopped the onslaught of daily emails and much whining. He whined that I’m seeing other people at the same time (and I’m pretty sure he is). Yes, I am getting to know people at the same time – I’m not sleeping with any of you. Maybe none of you, ever, if this keeps up. After he ‘accidentally’ dialed my number the day after he got my email, he whined over and over and over in a very passive-aggressive manner how he “didn’t want to bother me” by calling me.

That boy is more easily butt-hurt than fresh meat in the local penitentiary. He needs to grow a pair. You can’t own a bike and not have balls. It’s the law.

We had two other dates planned since my last post. The only reason I agreed was for your amusement my dear Kernutties. You owe me. Maybe a lot.

He was actually rather nice the majority of the time during the next date, however, he didn’t want to compromise (this was an emerging pattern with him). He wanted me to drive the 30 minutes out to his place rather than meeting in the middle, he insisted on choosing the date (a movie), AND the movie. Then he was suddenly quite treacly, telling me how much he enjoyed spending time with me, how we could do whatever I wanted (this was after everything he wanted to do was over, of course), but he lacked any hint of sincerity.

I had already agreed to another date the following day, to go for a ride on the Harely. After talking to him that morning to coordinate, he was back to the “Mr. Hyde” personality: ‘I will not pick you up’ (even though we’re riding on the bike, and the route is past MY house, and driving to his place is a 1 hour round trip for me), ‘You don’t need to know where we’re going – I just ride where I want to ride – that’s it.’, and more such rudeness. It felt more like he wanted a prisoner rather than a passenger so I canceled the date.

I have no intention of seeing him again no matter how much you all beg. Not even blog fodder is worth that.

I also canceled the first date with Sweater-Vest Guy (who was too dull to rate a post mention before now) because after two phone calls I realized he was just never going to be energetic or passionate enough to grab me and throw me on the bed, making wild passionate love to me. In fact, I think he isn’t passionate about anything at all. A real homebody who seems like he’s just waiting to die.

Boat Boy won’t get a second date, but may instead become a marketing client. We’ll see. His cash better have more spark than his boat motor.

I’ve had a couple phone calls with new guys. One I’ve agreed to a lunch date with, the other was an angry cuss who contradicted or laid blame with every sentence. Eeeew.

*sigh*

I’m tired. Tired of all the shallow (“you’re so beautiful, let’s meet for drinks”) emails. Tired of all the bullshit.

I’ve noticed the quality of the prospects and their emails goes up when I post the less-attractive hiking picture as opposed to the first one with my hair down. I am AMAZED at how few men ask me any questions in return.

Somehow, I don’t see this turning out as good as I had hoped in the beginning. I know it’s only been a couple weeks, but I’m already starting to become jaded by the responses that don’t bother to read my profile or are more interested in how I look than anything else. Are they really that sure the package wasn’t dropped in shipping???

There is one light in the encroaching darkness: Greek Boy Guy. A young entrepreneur I met for coffee. He looked younger in his photos (he at first got the name “boy”, but looks a tad older in person). He’s 47, seems very nice, not “looking for instant girlfriend, just add water”, polite, and normal. (I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know that word Biker Boy used either.) He met his last wife through Match.com. Damn – now that’s promising.

I’ve agreed to a second date, but I’m already beginning to see signs of a serious shoe/foot fetish.