Time To Light A – UPDATED — 33 Comments

  1. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the woman initiating contact on It’s a relief, actually.

    If you see someone you think might be a match, act! Because it’s likely that someone else is already acting!

    PS. My girl Pinky made first contact with me on Match… over 4 years ago.

    • You’re a success story? That gives me hope ๐Ÿ™‚ . Well, I contacted Biker Boy first and that didn’t turn out too well. But, I’m about to start contacting them first as things have slowed down.

  2. I think it’s great if a woman sees something or someone she wants she need to just go after it. If the guy doesn’t like strong,mover and shakers type women then she is better off with a “real man” who can handle her.

    • Good point. A little Kernut goes a long way so they should like their coffee and their women strong. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Yikes to the 1st guy not for lying (or, fibbing) about his age but for having such negative hangups on his ex. The 2nd guy… I don’t even know what to say…

    As for whether you should contact a guy whose profile you like first: here is a way to look at it: What’s there to lose if he’s turned off? Maybe this is a great way to cull out those old-fashioned sexists?
    subWOW’s last post ..Fireworks

    • Yeah, not accepting her as she is and then bashing the woman isn’t cool. He should be trying to get her help, or get more custody of his kids. (She sounds pretty bad, but I’ve only heard his side.)

      I’ve yet to meet a man who was turned off although oome get scared and run, but mostly they just seem to be less respectful down the road, taking me for granted, etc.

  4. Well you know I got suckered into match about the same time. I have not made contact with any women there. If they email me I respond and tell them im not going to chase them. I dont really have to. I place the burden of contact on them. If they have children I tell them I will never call them, they must always call me, and its up to them to determine how much they know about me. Nor am I interested in being exposed to kids that generaly decide the like me from day one and then have that end and confuse them. I’m very honest in that I have a great deal of interest in sex, but its not likely to happen until a few months have past and I can see a path towards an LTR. And I have my own unique set of issues. I tell those on day one and if its goodbye then so be it. I have 5 from match that contacted me and I correspond with outside of match. 2 outside of speeddate. They will drop off over time, but the ones who stay in touch have figured out that I mean what I said. I do force them to call me and I wont come to their homes, unless there is some relationship foundation taking hold. But they are like me for the most part. Bored and lonely and we share mutual comfort for that.

    • I have to agree with Secret Agent Woman – If I got an email back from a man like you described above, telling me he wouldn’t contact me, I’d have to do the chasing, I wouldn’t write again either. It does seem kind of mean. And I know you’re not really like that.

  5. I don’t think there’s any reason for a woman not to contact a man if she’s interested, even though I generally prefer it when a man is assertive enough to write me first. But, no offense to Mike, if I got that spiel from a man he would never hear from me again. My God, a woman puts herself out there and the response is “I’m not going to chase you” and a refusal to call them ever if they have kids? I think the only way to handle anyone, male or female, who starts off trying to take that level of control is a polite, “Go fuck yourself.” If a man has taken the risk of contacting me first, I am always kind, even if I am just writing back to say I don’t think we’re a good match. On dating sites, there’s no call for anything less than civility.
    secret agent woman’s last post ..Looks like February showers brought March flowers!

    • No hon, im the kindest most gentle person you ever met. I just dont want anyone to ever get hurt. I correspond for a very long time before i give my email or phone number. All of the rules are because i have already cried those tears before. I would never evr say those things at first meet. But i have had little babies ripped from my neck, that I let get to close. Women who are single and have no children are my choice. But I want to just respond to all women. If I get a little baby to love with her its a bonus. I cant have children and I have raised three proper and know I can. But kids cling to me, and I wont ever break a childs heart. Thats why all the rules. They agree when I explain the why. And they comply. Because they know its sound reason. It not arrogance. Its pre love. If they have no children I ring a ding the phone more than they can handle…if they respond. But im careful with them too. I dont ever want anyone to live the pain I have. So my rules protect us both. Thats all.

    • I prefer that a man contacts me first, too. I reply to all who took the time to write a legitimate email, with the exception of those outside my dating area, or age. If it looks like cut and paste, I don’t reply. Some don’t even remember to change the name on the top of the cut and paste. Pathetic. I’m trying not to become jaded, but so far I’m not succeeding.

  6. wow, honey… you’ve met a couple of winners there.
    the thing about dating sites is that we’re not all looking for the same thing. some are just more upfront about it.
    i don’t think that there is anything wrong with making first contact. and no, that doesn’t mean that you are chasing them. it means that you’re a grown woman and that you know what you like. once the ball is in their court, it’s up to them what they do with it.
    i’m sure that you’ll find what you’re looking for when the time is right. xo
    Cali สšฯŠษž’s last post ..structure

    • What’s difficult for me, besides dating in general, is dating online. My previous relationships all started out in a casual setting (either through work or friends) and we got to know each other that way, without the stigma of “dating” and “will this end up in bed”. I much prefer getting to know someone as a friend first. It’s a rare man who wants to wait, too.

  7. Wait?! Why is everyone knocking the Shoe Fetish Guy????? That is like my dream man. A guy who actually appreciates my shoe collection. Mmmmmmmmmm.

    Also, this needs to stop. Just come to work with me for a week. You will meet and be flirted with by no less than 12 guys a day. You will have your choice. They are all gainfully employed, or were able to retire by age 40. Hello!!!!!!
    Wicked Shawn’s last post ..Wonder Woman is Brunette- Got It

    • If only he was buying the shoes! A couple folks were in agreement withe you, especially if he were buying the shoes. He just brought it up too soon and often that it set off my warning bells.

      I’m there Girlfriend! KY is on the travel plan for the motorhome. Sign me up for the ones over 40. I’ll fit as many as I can in the motorhome. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Oh yeah, Sister! I mentioned I didn’t think much of the place, but he couldn’t come up with something better in that area. On our second date, he tried that crap again, and I said “No, I know a place.” It was a very nice, expensive place and the fondue was excellent. ๐Ÿ™‚ But then he bashed his ex-wife again, and tried to force a kiss. Bad, bad, bad.

    • You are probably the fifth person who’s said I should try POF. I thought the entrance fee would be enough, but maybe you’ve all got something. As soon as I get a little time, I’ll check it out.

  8. The last time lied about my age I was trying to get a child fair on the bus. The bloody bus driver asked me my date of birth, which I was not expecting. I panicked and went the wrong way making me even olderโ€ฆ.Iโ€™m now getting to the stage where I can think about getting cheap bus travel again, only I hate travelling on public transport so wonโ€™t be trying that trick againโ€ฆ.
    BlackLOG’s last post ..Karma can be such a female dog

    • My mother used to always try to get Chickenbone and I in for the child discount rate long after we were eligible. Every once in a while the ticket attendant or waiter would ask one of us our age or birth year – and we would usually screw it up. Damn kids, they lie when you don’t want them to, and then can’t remember when they should.

  9. I’m gay so either way a woman had to initiate the relationship/contact so I say go for it. If you don’t like them throw them back…its that fish in the sea crap Mom’s are always talking about, lol.

    • I love it! I’ve started the initiation process. Not sure if I like it… it’s so much easier in person than online. I have no game.

    • Oh no. Well, I started a profile there, but haven’t added a photo so I can spend some time lurking. I love the filtering features (totally missing from, but seriously needed), but am getting the impression there are fewer people on it, and fewer interested in long-term, serious relationships.

    • You’re in luck… I have two months left on my three-month subscription. Vicariously is the only way to live through this.