I got flowers last night. A big bouquet of beautiful red roses.

Ok, so they were from a complete stranger. But he’s totally hot.

And they were virtual roses. That he sent to the internet.

Whatever. Don’t judge me. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I needed them. It renewed my faith in chivalry. At least for now.

Which brings us to today’s topic…

Whatever happened to good manners? Parents no longer seem to emphasize anything to their children other than saying “Please” and “Thank You”. Is chivalry truly dead? I see glimpses of it, like last night’s gesture, but it seems to be oh so rare.

Most women want men with some class, some social skills, a touch of culture perhaps. Right? (Included with an ability to cuss appropriately and possession of a perverted nature are considered pluses in my book.)

Not that I am the epitome of all things Emily Post (see above preference for cussing and perversion), but are good manners really too much to ask for? It certainly seems to be seriously limiting my dating options.

Gentlemen, and ladies for that matter, good manners are so much more than just opening doors for us. Or holding our bags, or giving us your coat if we’re cold. As much as Mr. Exiled Royalty lacked finesse when coping a feel (honking my breast), he had impeccable table manners. *sigh*

Brought to you by my recent, and HORRIFYING dining experience, I’d like to offer a few very basic tips on dining – in or out:

Table manners are much more than just using a napkin every now and then while dining (a napkin, by the way, goes in your lap before the meal starts, and stays there until you are finished).

Should you be served your meal before everyone else, WAIT until the ENTIRE table has been served before you start eating.

Hogging the bread, or anything that’s served, is not ok. Diving into it first and scarfing as much as possible – as if you were some long-lost and starving castaway just returned to civilization – is not polite. Offer some to the people seated on either side of you. If you must take the last piece of bread (which should first be offered to all others at the table), please have the decency to order more for the table.

If you are over the age of four, you should no longer be making disgusting messes on your plate with your food. Do not, I repeat, do not make mash-pies like a three year old with the remainder of your uneaten food.

Yes, my recent HORROR of a dining experience was with a group of friends. All of the things mentioned above happened… including one ‘gentleman’ PLAYING with his food! Making MASH-PIES! This person is close to 50 years old. (Yes, 5-0. It’s not one of my many typos.)

I may never eat again.

Asking a gal out? Read this:

Emailing or texting a gal with a one-line email ‘like sex?’, ‘wanna hook up?’, ‘are you the HOT chick who likes lots of sex that I’ve been looking for?’, (true quotes) or anything similar will NOT get you your intended result. Should you, even now, still be unsure – the answer to you will be NO.

Grow a pair and pick up the phone. A real man who isn’t afraid of true intimacy and wants to make a real effort at a REAL relationship, won’t be afraid to pick up the phone.

Lucky enough to get that date?…

If you happen to pass gas – there is NO NEED for you to discuss it with us in ANY sort of detail. Merely say “Excuse me” and shut up. Excuse yourself from the room if it persists. Anything else is TMI.

This goes for all of your personal body functions (ie: anything that happens in the bathroom). No matter how comfortable you are around us – we are NOT “one of the boys”.

I recently experienced the above horror on a hiking date. The ‘gentleman’ kept farting – and telling me about it! I don’t care if you have to fart – hey, it happens to all of us – but ferchrissake don’t tell me the details!

I may never date again.

Bringing flowers is always welcome. I don’t know that we can ever get too many.

Good manners make me swoon like little else. I suspect I may be standing on my feet, quite clear-headed, for some time.