Guess what I learned recently? A study found the brain views money as a drug. They found it lessens social distress and physical pain.

No shit? Well, color me addicted.

They also suspect it is a substitute for romance.

Huh.

Coincidentally, I’ve just found my new boyfriend!

To quote the article Study: Your Brain Thinks Money Is A Drug by David Kestenbaum,

If you’ve ever thought of money as a drug, you may be more right than you know. New research shows that counting money — just handling the bills — can make things less painful.

…

Money As A Substitute For Love

The experiment and related ones are described in a research paper titled The Symbolic Power of Money, published in the journal Psychological Science. Combined with earlier work, it maps out a curious connection. As far as your brain’s concerned, money can act as a substitute for social acceptance, reducing social discomfort and, by extension, physical discomfort and even pain.

…

Epley says the long-lasting connection between being reminded of money and feeling less pain appears to be an elaborate example of something psychologists call priming, in which thinking about one thing can subconsciously trigger a related response.

Well then, on that note…

Ten Things I’ll Do When I Win the California Lottery Jackpot and/or the PCH Sweepstakes, Becoming a Multi-millionaire Overnight

(Yes, I know it’s not Tuesday, but can you just pretend this Ten Things post came out last Tuesday?)

While this was inspired by Darwinfish 2’s Power Millions Mega Ball, and what he’d do with the money if he wins, trust me when I say I think about this All. The. Time.

Here’s what I’m going to do with the money, pretty much in this order, when I win California’s SuperLotto Jackpot or another multi-million-dollar prize:

1. First, before I claim the money, I’ll set up a Living Trust of which I’ll be the sole trustee. Why? Apparently it helps to lessen some of the taxes. When I claim the winning ticket, it will be in the name of the trust. Now, all I need is a name for the trust. What do you think I should name it? “WINNING! Living Trust” I kind of like that.

2. Get an assistant to handle the many calls and emails from people requesting money, long-lost friends and relatives, and all the other stuff I don’t want to do. S/he’ll be known as The Gatekeeper. (I used to do this for someone with crates of millions. I was referred to as The Gatekeeper more than once.) Strong, sexy male applicants will be given priority handling. Ahem.

3. Get a financial advisor to figure out how much I’ll invest, donate, and wildly spend.

4. Give money to immediate family. How much depends on how much I’ve won, but my hope is none of them will have to work ever again. I may set up a Lottery Club to include them in the distribution as this will also lessen the taxes.

5. Get my beach houses. One on the California coast for sure, and I don’t know where the other(s) will be. Maybe Greece?

6. Instruct my assistant to hire movers to pack and move my stuff to the new house.

7. Spend several weeks at a skinny spa that provides regular massages, facials, a healthy diet, and some botox or laser treatments. Uh, not that I need botox or laser, but you know, just in case. Ya, that’s it.

8. Get my motorhome. Probably not a brand new one, and not more than 36 feet. I might need to hire a driver, but the thought of traveling with a stranger is not appealing to me. However, if my assistant is hot and willing, he can be my driver.

9. Then I’m on the road in my motorhome for Kernut’s Wild Ride, aka: The Great Roll About, to see the Largest Ball of Twine, the Cadillac Graveyard, the Mutter Museum, Creed’s Castle, the World’s Largest Frying Pan, the Grand Canyon, Lego Land, and all the Cheezy Americana I can fit in. I’ll also be visiting any of my bloggy friends who’ll let me in, like Patty Punker, Wicked Shawn, and The Bloggess (note: bring drugs and pizza pockets as bribe), just to name a few.

10. Once The Great Roll About is finished I’ll start traveling the world: Ireland, Scotland, Monaco, France, Italy, Greece, Egypt, Africa, Bali, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Hawaii, a world or Mediterranean cruise, Caribbean Islands, and dozen other places.

Mmmm, I think they’re right about that study – all that playing with my money was good for me. I need a smoke.

Now it’s your turn to get high and feel the love: What are the first few things you would do with the money?