Category Archives: Worlds Largest

Workin’ harder than a funeral home fan in July

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I’ve been workcamping at a nice RV park since I moved to Deerville (near Touristburg and Soberville) six weeks ago. The job was supposed to go full-time (with pay after 15 hours) starting last week, but the current camp manager isn’t leaving as planned, which means they don’t need me to work full-time. So as the title implies, I’m workin’ harder than a funeral home fan in July looking for new opportunities. While I’m looking for new opportunities, I’ve been dreaming about where I’m going next.

I’d like to go to New Mexico, slowly making my way up to Wyoming. Everyone thinks I’m crazy to want to go to Wyoming – even in the summer – but it always looks so pretty in everyone’s photos! I have a friend there now and he pretty much hates being in the middle of nowhere. I can relate: Cow-Chicken-Oil town (pop. ~7,500) was MUCH bigger than where he is (pop. ~800), and it sounds like he’s farther from civilization than Pizzaville ever was. I’m not deterred. I want to see the plains and mountains and take my usual fuzzy pictures.

Another option is to FINALLY see one of the Largest Balls of Twine and Largest Frying Pans. The nearest Largest Ball of Twine is in Kansas… as is the Largest Hair Ball. Gee, Pye ought to enjoy both of those exhibits.

Of the (six?) Largest Frying Pans, I’m most likely to hit one in either Iowa, Kentucky or Delaware. If Pye is being a brat, I may put her in one of the frying pans.

Largest Ball of Barbed Wire = Close substitute for Largest Ball of Twine.

The Largest Ball of Barbed Wire.

It’s not twine, but it is the Largest Ball of Barbed Wire, at least that I’ve seen.

While I’m dreaming and planning, I’ll share a little bit of the massive But, wait! There’s more…

Why is it called Tourist Season if we can’t shoot at them?

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

My new location is loaded with Axis and Whitetail deer, which graze in the field behind my RV every evening. The teeny little fawns are adorable! I accidentally walked up on one the other evening and it took off like a shot, bounding away, big white tail in the air!

A fuzzy picture of a deer.

You might need glasses, or this could be a fuzzy picture of a deer. (One thing is certain, my photography skills haven’t changed. Just remember – certainty is a good thing.)

The fawn (not pictured) was a bit smaller than Pye (Pye’s not exactly one to miss a meal), but its white tail was the size of an adult deer’s tail – and it was as long as its little body! It was cute and hilarious all at the same time. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my guinea pig gave birth to babies – open-eyed, fur-covered babies with adult-sized guinea pig feet! The disproportionately large feet make the baby guinea pigs kind of funny looking.

Speaking of Pye, here’s what happened right after I parked. She looked out the window at the grackle (black birds about the size of a crow, but with a long tail and a big squawk). She’d never seen one of the large birds before.

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Pye seeing a grackle for the first time.

The bird, oblivious to Pye watching from the window, hopped a bit closer the my RV. The photo below was taken seconds later right after Pye freaked out because the oblivious bird came closer. She ran away from the window. Yes, Pye is actually part chicken. But, wait! There’s more…

Time to get out of Dodge.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

It’s time to get out of Dodge. There’s a storm a brewin’ and I’m a goin’.

If you watch the Weather Channel at all you may have seen that central Texas is now marshland. The state is like a doughnut of land with a lake in place of the doughnut hole.

By a marvelous twist of fate I was not anywhere near Pizzaville for the worst of it. (I was actually in a galaxy far, far away. I had a great time, and that will be in a later story.) I was watching the Weather Channel while I was gone, and that was scary enough. You all know how I feel about these big wind and water storms. I’ll take a good ol’ west coast earthquake over that any day. By not being in Texas for the storm, I’m sure I’ve saved years of my life. Years that would’ve otherwise been lost to the stress and fear of being right there.

Tornadoes touched down around Pizzaville (none too close to the RV park). Many people were evacuated from homes and RV parks all around south central Texas. Cow-Chicken-Oil town is completely flooded. Dams broke, river banks overflowed, roads washed away. And so did some homes. Several people lost their lives and more are still missing.

Today I moved But, wait! There’s more…

There’s a town called Oatmeal. I am not making this up.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I hope you’ve had breakfast because this post might make you hungry. Or it might make you want dinosaurs. Hard to say.

Really, there is a town called Oatmeal in Texas Hill Country.

No, I don’t know why they named the town after a breakfast cereal. It’s not like they grow oatmeal in the area.

Welcome to breakfast, err, I mean Oatmeal!

Welcome to breakfast, err, I mean Oatmeal!

Guess what they have there? Nope, it’s not oats, but nice try.

It’s a giant oatmeal box. Yes, I said *box. And it’s empty, so you’re still wrong about there being oats in Oatmeal.

A giant box of oatmeal in Oatmeal, Texas.

A giant box of oatmeal in Oatmeal, Texas.

Although, once a year they do have… Want to take another guess? Sure you do! But, wait! There’s more…

Giant Squirrel in Sinton

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Texas is fond of squirrels. Or perhaps they’re just fond of massive squirrel statues. (And giant beavers.)

You may recall Mrs. Pearl, the Giant Squirrel in Cedar Creek. Well, she’s not the only large squirrel statue in south Texas. There’s another giant squirrel, this time in Sinton, Texas. Why? Because that is the requisite marketing gimmick for pecan shops. Well, that or a giant pecan. Apparently.

And they name them. (The squirrels. I don’t know if they name the giant pecans.)

Agnes the Giant Squirrel in Sinton, Texas.

Agnes the Giant Squirrel in Sinton, Texas.

Agnes, the Giant Squirrel, is seen But, wait! There’s more…

You can put your boots in the oven

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

…but that doesn’t make them biscuits.

(A Texas saying that means, “You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn’t change what it is.” It has nothing to do with this post other than it is also about boots.)

This is a short post today. You’re welcome.

There are boots in Texas. Right, you knew that.

But really, there are boot shops in every town. What better way to advertise than to put a huge boot in front of your shop. This is Texas after all, where everything is bigger.

Giant cowgirl boot in Bastrop, Texas.

Giant cowgirl boot in Bastrop, Texas.

This is But, wait! There’s more…

WinStar in Oklahoma – Largest Casino in the U.S., and the place I lost my shirt.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I lost my shirt in Oklahoma. On Christmas.

Ok, so I didn’t really lose my shirt. Mostly because I didn’t have enough money to gamble with in the first place. But it was fun, and I got to check another state, and another Largest/Smallest oddity off my bucket list.

Pye, sitting on my suitcase, wanting to go.

Pye wanted to try gambling. I figured she’d done enough of that the time she stowed away in the RV chassis for 150 miles.

Christmas in a Casino – It’s not sinning if you’re winning.

Yup, I spent Christmas in a casino. But it wasn’t just any casino: WinStar World Casino is the largest casino in the U.S. It’s in Thackerville, Oklahoma, just across the Texas border on Highway 35.

Some folks considered gambling on Christmas blasphemous. I’m not one of them. And it seems I’m not alone – the place was booked solid. There were no more rooms available.

I went with a friend from the RV park in Pizzaville (population: 12, probably). We met up with my sweet Calif/Texan friend. I lost all my money. They both won. A lot.

I blame my family for my gambling losses.

But, wait! There’s more…

Why DID the chicken cross the road?

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

This is a valid question, believe it or not.

Since arriving in the Texas countryside I’ve seen loose chickens scratchin’ and peckin’ in front yards. There can be anywhere from five to ten chickens at a time. They aren’t wild by any means, but they are true “free range” chickens. There are no fences and the edge of the lawn will go right to the edge of the road – where the chicken could cross – if it wanted to.

Big metal chickens are all over Texas. I'm sure they're meant as some kind of warning.

Brightly colored, big metal chickens are all over Texas. I’m sure they’re meant as some kind of warning to the live chickens. Like big chicken crossing guards.

But the chickens don’t ever cross the road. I have no idea why they don’t cross the road. Maybe they heed the silent warning of the big metal chickens.

The chickens stay in their yard, very rarely venturing to the next door neighbor’s yard. They never leave home. Chickens are the homebodies of the animal kingdom. (Remember when I toured the chicken houses and made that video of the one cock in the hen house of 20,000? I asked my guide why the free range farm chickens didn’t run away. He said, ‘They just don’t.’)

You’ll be driving down the highway and But, wait! There’s more…

World’s Largest Strawberry Tart

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Hi, remember me? It’s only been a couple weeks since I blogged, but it seems like forever to me. So, I’m blogging instead of doing my laundry or cleaning my house.

Wondering what I’ve been up to, besides living in filth? I’ve been sightseeing the last couple weekends (I saw some historical stuff, and a beautiful park), had a guest stay for almost a week, and then attended a formal event for the newspaper.

Meanwhile, I confirmed that my Yahoo editor has moved on to bigger and better things. I sure do miss her. After several months, it seems they are still unable to replace her. This means my articles sit in the cue, unpublished. *sigh* So, I’m looking for other freelance writing opportunities. (Please let me know if you’ve had success with any platforms.)

Now that you’re all caught up, I promise a few travel posts and a Pye update are coming soon. To hold you over, I bribe you with pie. No, not furry Pye, but a fresh strawberry tart, one of my most favorite desserts.

World’s Largest Strawberry Tart

But, wait! There’s more…