The Great RV Roll-About Itinerary

Where in the world is Kernut?

(scroll down for itinerary)

One might assume someone embarking on their first-ever trip around the country in their first-ever RV would have a plan. One would be wrong because Someone does not have a plan. For the first time in my life I really have no idea what I’m doing.

I’m flying without a net, people.

And it’s great!

What do I know? I’ve had a life-long dream to travel the country and see all the goofy sights like The Largest Ball of Twine, The Largest Frying Pan, The Mutter Museum, Route 66, The Cadillac Ranch, and many, many other ‘Uniquely Odd’ attractions listed on RoadsideAmerica.com. I also wanted to see The Grand Canyon.

But the time never seemed “right”. There was always some obstacle to be overcome, to paraphrase poet Alfred D. Souza’s Happiness.

In 2011 I decided to stop waiting for everything to be perfect, for every detail to be determined, for (fill in the blank). I got rid of my apartment, most of my stuff, and bought an RV. I’m now living in it full-time as I travel the country with my cat, the RV copilot who can’t read maps – yet, or catch mice or giant cockroaches. (See *July, 2012 Texas Hill Country for update on Checkers.)

There’s so much to learn, and I’m having so much fun doing it! No plans are set in stone – the true meaning of taking “One Day At A Time”. I only know that life is too precious not to be enjoyed. And I also hope to meet many of my friends (old and new) and fellow bloggers on the road!

This itinerary is nowhere near complete, and is constantly changing. Got a uniquely odd attraction in your area? Suggestions welcome!

(Have I convinced you to get an RV and travel the country, too? Tips on buying a used RV and Lessons in Boondocking might be helpful. No guarantees.)

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

My Itinerary for the Great RV Roll-about…

Trip: South Dakota to South Central Texas

Stay: April, 2013 – ?

I’m currently back in south central Texas after a lightning fast trip to SD. There are still lots of cows here. About 10 to every human. Don’t even get me started on the chickens.

Quick trip to South Dakota, Iowa, and Minnesota

Short Stay: April, 2013

Things I saw/did: Statue of David in Sioux Falls, SD; corn fields in Iowa, a very tiny church in Minnesota. And snow. I saw lots of snow. Oh, and TSA touched my “happy place” at the Sioux Falls airport.

Trip: Rockport, Texas to Texas Hill Country

Stay: June 30, 2012 – April, 2013

I’m currently in Hill Country/south central Texas. There are cows here, a lot of cows. About 10 to every human.

Things I did/saw: Ranchers cut the balls of bull calves, Hot cowboys making hay bales, Chickens smell like money and ammonia,

Chocolate covered bacon is like sex, World’s Smallest Church in Warrenton, Cinderella’s Coach in La Grange,

Smiley-faced water towers in Bastrop, a Capital Captiol in Austin,

a lovely Big Blue Arachnid Butt in Austin, Large longhorns and Giant forks in Austin,  Caverns in New Braunfels,

Kerrville – the ol’ family homestead, Braless in Bandera – Cowboy Capitol of the World, World’s Largest Nuts in Seguin (Texans have some really big nuts),

Top secret tour of an oil derrick, Watermelon Water Tower in Luling, Riverwalk and the Tower of Doom in San Antonio, etc.

 

I was adopted by a kitten on September 23rd, 2012. I named her Pyewacket. I’ve decided her birthday is March 23.

In my free time at the park, I built a Squirrel Obstacle Course (aka “The Squirrel Enrichment Program”).

*After 18 wonderful years together, my World’s Best Companion and RV copilot passed on just as we got to Hill Country. I miss her terribly. She’s buried at a wonderful park in Texas Hill Country thanks to some very kind Rangers. Texans are good people.

Trip: Yuma, AZ to Rockport, Texas and surrounding Gulf Coast Area

Stay: February 7 – June 30, 2012

From the long drive, posts coming are: the Boneyard in historical Tombstone, “The Thing” in Dragoon, and the Rex Allen Cowboy Museum in Willcox, Arizona. Oh, and an ode to the multitude of tumbleweeds I saw along the way.

The Republic of Texas pulls you in once you get here and it’s hard to leave. Plus, the state is really big so it’s hard to find your way out. Texans are very friendly. Learn the language of Texas before you come.

The Rockport, Texas coastal area is really beautiful, and has a few weird and wacky sights, too. Of course, the have goofy festivals like the Fulton Oysterfest and the Aransas Pass Shrimporee.

More on the Texas Gulf Coast: The Nina, Pinta, and the Santa Maria in Corpus Christi, but only the Nina, the Giant Shark door in Port Aransas, and Knot A Clew (it’s a boat, but also a good description of my dating life).

Trip: Slab City, CA to Yuma, AZ

Stay: January 25 – February 6

Things I saw/did: I got down in Calipatria, the ‘Center of the World’ (yeah, sure) and two blondes in Algodones, Mexico, The Bridge to Nowhere (gee, that one hits a bit close to home).

Trip: Monterey, CA to Slab City, CA (Can’t seem to get away from Slab City, but it is free.)

Stay: January 8 – January 24

The stuff I saw around Monterey: A Cement Boat, Fisherman’s Wharf in Monterey, a Giant Artichoke, another old jail, and a two-story outhouse.

On the way to Slab City (again), I stopped to get eaten by giant dinosaurs in Cabazon. That wasn’t enough so I stopped at the lovely Salton Sea State Park in Salton Sea. All the millions of dead fish aside, the place is one of the nicest parks and campgrounds – and very RV friendly. Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves is some random stuff that happened on the way.

Trip: Slab City, CA to San Francisco Bay Area

Stay: November 20, 2011 – January 8, 2012

I saw the Largest Monopoly Board, World’s Longest Garlic Braid, more Giant Animal Statues. Also, it looks like I’ll have a segment on a TV show that will air in northern California! WOOT! (or not… fame can be so fleeting! LOL)

Trip: Lake Havasu, AZ to Salvation Mountain, and Slab City, CA

Stay: October 30 – November 19

Things I saw: The infamous Slab City, Salvation Mountain, and a guy died in the hot springs while I was there.

Trip: Sedona, AZ to Lake Havasu, AZ/Quartzsite, AZ

Stay: October 19 – October 30

On the way to Lake Havasu, I stopped in Seligman, AZ, the birthplace of Route 66, eat at the Roadkill Cafe, and see “Pandora’s Box” in the men’s room. Also a stop at Area 66/The Golf Ball House, and other randomness.

Things I saw/did: In Lake Havasu, see the mini lighthouses around the lake, London Bridge (yes, that actual bridge), and the English Village. In Quartzsite: Meet the the naked bookstore owner, and see Hi Jolly’s Monument.

Trip: St. George, UT to Sedona, Arizona

Stay: October 7 – October, 18

Things I saw/did: A vortex in Sedona, Montezuma’s Castle, rocks shaped like snoopy and a large flaccid phallus, the world’s largest Kokopelli, Stand On A Corner in Winslow,  and dinosaur statues, the Wigwam Motel, and other goofy stuff along Route 66.

Trip: Morgan Hill, CA to St. George, UT.  

Stay: September 21 – October 7

• Overnight in Barstow, California

Things I saw/did: “Calico Ghost Town” in Barstow, CA, Mollie’s Nipple, 100 year old fruitcake, 66 year old bacon, and Purgatory, and “Creed’s Castle” in St. George, UT. The Grand Canyon’s North Rim in AZ.

Trip: San Diego, CA to Morgan Hill, CA

Stay: August 7 – September 21

Trip: Morgan Hill, CA to San Diego, CA. – My first road trip in the RV!

The story about why My Knuckles Are Still White.

Stay: August 3-7, 2011

*******

Places I plan to visit:

Texas (for several months):

• Waylon Jennings Museum and Liquor Store (I think it was Shakey Pete who suggested this one)
• Cadillac Graveyard/Ranch

Four Corners Monument (UT/AZ/CO/NM)

Ride through the Royal Gorge in southern Colorado (suggested by Todd E.)

The Largest Ball of Twine (one of two states)

The Largest Frying Pan (one of six states)

Insectopolis (NJ)

The Mutter Museum (PA)

The Smithsonian (DC)

Buy custom products at Kernut’s Zazzle store