Do you panic before you check something out and get the facts? Do you decide to confess all before you even know if you’ve been busted for the crime?
Yes? We should be friends.
A dear, dear friend called last week in a major panic. The reason for the call isn’t important, but he was ready to make MAJOR LIFE CHANGING confessions to another person based solely on fear. Fear about what MIGHT happen. Not about what is true, not about what else it could be, but about IF this and IF that, THEN THAT will surely happen!!
OMG. I love him, but gees.
This is known as F.E.A.R. – Fuck Everything And Run, or False Expectations Appearing Real. Also known as FEAR stemming from V.B.T. – Very Bad Thinking.
My kind, friendly, shoulder-to-cry-on advice, “B.S. It’s not what you think. There are a million OTHER possibilities. DON’T DO IT! Don’t throw your life away for an IF, IF, THEN that’s really only a distant maybe – at best! Your new motto: First thought wrong. Repeat after me: First. Thought. Wrong.”
I’m sensitive like that.
Do you know how HARD it is to reason with someone who is in that state of mind?? This wasn’t the situation, but imagine trying to talk someone down from the ledge of a building when they just want to hurl themselves to the pavement below and end their emotional pain. Their mind is made up, emotions are controlling the hippocampus, the limbic brain is in charge and reasoning isn’t an option.
Not that I’ve ever been there. Much. Ok, so I LIVE there. What about it?
It’s like trying to reason with a lizard… that’s the part of the brain that’s active in times like these. Just try to tell a lizard what to do. Let me know how that goes.
I think I was able to talk my friend down from the ledge, so to speak. At least for now.
UPDATE: While it turns out he was wrong to panic (let me take this opportunity to say DUH), unfortunately there was a worse possibility he didn’t consider. Thank goodness he didn’t make his life-altering confession because that would only have made an already bad situation MUCH worse.
Anyway, he’s one of my best friends, a confidant, and all around good person and I wish we lived closer.
Speaking of Friends…
On a totally slightly, but not really, related note this past week has been an interesting one: I got to find out who my real friends are. I was shocked, and saddened, as this became evident several times over with different groups and entirely different circumstances each time. I’m still perplexed by the behaviors.
Once every now and again I ask the Universe to surround me with people who only have my best interests at heart. One such little request was made just over a week ago. BAMM! The Universe listened and the number I count as friends this week is far fewer than last. Not that I’d have them back now knowing what I do, but Damn… be careful what you ask of the Universe. She’s powerful.
For some reason the above makes me want the following all the more, maybe because I feel there is much less to hold me here then there was before…
More and more I want to get a nice motorhome, put my stuff in storage, and travel the country long term. I live in California, and I haven’t even seen the Grand Canyon. I have a fantastic idea for a book which I could write while I traveled the country. And most of all I want to blog about my fantastic adventures on the road.
My Dear Kernutties, I need to get out of Dodge.