Happy Friday 5 – Work like you won the lottery.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Work like you won the lottery.

[Note: On or about Fridays, I’m posting five things that I’m enjoying, that inspire me, or that make me happy. I’m totally ripping off this concept from Tim Ferriss’ 5-Bullet Friday. Where Tim’s five bullet points are typically highly useful mini life hacks and recommendations, mine are semi-useful life hacks mixed with more fluff, which means a cute puppy or kitty picture here and there or something about dating/sex/romance/relationships).

In answer to the question you’re silently asking yourself, No, I don’t think Tim minds that I’m writing these. I’m pretty sure he’s not worried about the competition, even though I am sure he knows about me and this blog. Of course he knows. Right?]

Here’s your Happy Friday 5:

What I’m listening to: My new theme song is Katy Perry’s “Roar”. If you want to listen to a hilarious Roar parody, even if you’re not a Perry fan, you HAVE to watch the Peterson Farm Brother’s version, “Chore”. Both make me happy for different reasons. Gotta love our farmers!

What made me chuckle: Popular funny post about introverts from the interwebs. I can relate. I vacillate between being highly social and outgoing, and also just enjoying my own company.

What I’m reading:  Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book “21-Days to Master Success and Inner Peace” An easy read of short tips, good for the soul. It’s currently offered for only $4.99. (Go to his products page, and scroll down until you see the orange cover with a big “21” on it.)

What I’m pondering: Everything is Amazing, and Nobody’s Happy. Hilarious clip of But, wait! There’s more…

Happy Friday 5 – Celebrate like nobody’s calling the cops.

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

[Note: On or about Fridays, I’m posting five things that I’m enjoying, that inspire me, or that make me happy. I’m totally ripping off this concept from Tim Ferriss’ 5-Bullet Friday. (It is highly likely I am not as organized as Tim and may not post exactly on Friday. You can wait until Friday to read them if it makes you feel better.) Tim’s five bullet points are typically highly useful mini life hacks and recommendations. Mine will be some semi-useful life hacks, with more fluff (which means a cute puppy or kitty picture here and there). These posts, intended to brighten your day, will be fairly short and something for you to do if work is slow. Or if you’re avoiding doing something, like I am.]

Celebrate like nobody’s calling the cops.

This was on my office mate's desk today. I laughed out loud.

This was on my office mate’s desk today. I laughed out loud.

Here’s this week’s Happy Friday 5:

What I’m watching: “Kitty Love Song” by the cute engineers who brought us “An Engineer’s Guide to Cat Yodeling” and many others that will have you laughing out loud.

Quote I’m pondering:

“Can you imagine feeling at home in the world no matter where you are? If you eventually master this art, outer circumstances won’t distort your relationship with yourself. No matter how crazy or chaotic the people around you might be, you will remain rooted in your unshakable sense of purpose; you will respond to any given situation in ways that make you both calm and alert, amused and curious, compassionate for the suffering of others and determined to do what’s best for you. If you think these are goals worth seeking, you can make dramatic progress toward them in the coming weeks.”

But, wait! There’s more…

Happy Friday 5 – Dance Like Nobody’s Pointing

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

I’m going to start posting five things that I’m enjoying, that inspire me, or that make me happy on or about Friday. I’m totally ripping off this concept from Tim Ferriss’ 5-Bullet Friday. (It is highly likely I am not as organized as Tim and may not post exactly on Friday. You can wait until Friday to read them if it makes you feel better.)

Tim’s five bullet points are typically highly useful mini life hacks and recommendations. Mine will be some semi-useful life hacks, with more fluff (which means a cute puppy or kitty picture here and there). These posts, intended to brighten your day, will be fairly short and something for you to do if work is slow. Or if you’re avoiding doing the laundry, like I am right now.

Please feel free to include your funny or happy recommendations, or inspirations in the comments below.

 

  • Book I’m reading: A little known work of Napoleon Hill’s titled, Outwitting the Devil. My business coach and spiritual mentor suggested I read this after we discussed my bout with depression. Though the title might suggest so, it is not about religion. Rather,it’s about Hill’s own story from adversity to success. It’s odd to find it mirrors mine in many ways.This is an inspiring work, and a short, easy read.
  • Movie I’m watching: R.I.P.D. A 2013 sci-fi staring Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges. Funny shit.
  • Daily practice for peace: My morning and meditation practice is about 30 minutes each time. I do the following five things, in whatever order feels right in the moment: 15 minute guided meditation, visualization/manifestation, mental gratitude list, prayer and sending blessings to all. I usually do this while lying in bed, just before I go to sleep, and again just after waking up. I find my mind is most receptive (quiet) at those times.

But, wait! There’s more…

Pennsylvania, land of miniature villages

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I’ve always loved all things miniature: miniature decks of cards, little glass bottles, little Christmas villages under the tree. Even stamps are little miniature pieces of artwork to me. Of course this includes miniature villages – they are the best! It’s no wonder I love making gnome doors, and creating miniature gnome homes “in the wild”.

Choo Choo Barn Miniature Village in Strasburg, PA

Choo Choo Barn Miniature Village in Strasburg, PA

There are two miniature village roadside attractions in Pennsylvania. The first, Roadside America, is in Shartlesville, Pennsylvania. The second is the Choo Choo Barn in Strasburg, Pennsylvania. Strasburg may sound familiar to some of you… it’s home to a couple attractions about which I’ve previously written, Famous Amos, and Amish Boy with Pig. (Also, Strasburg is where the tornado touched down in February.)

Because of the lighting, or my phone camera, or a sun flare, the photos of the miniature village at Roadside America were not turning out good – they were all fairly dark so I did not take that many. The colors of the exhibit are much more natural and realistic than my photos would indicate.

And now, mostly because I’ve run out of stuff to say… SLIDESHOW! But, wait! There’s more…

Depression is a Bitch

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Hi,

This isn’t really a post, it’s a confession, one I hope helps someone else. At least then the struggle won’t be all for nothing. This is about something I’ve dealt with for a long time, over thirty years. It’s something I very rarely talk about because I feel it makes me somehow less acceptable as a person, broken, not good enough.

(No, this is not about Speck. The one bright spot this week is Speck has left the RV park and is no longer a constant reminder. I wish him well.)

This is how I feel, like a shadow of a whole person.

This is how I feel when I’m depressed, like the shadow of a person. Empty, hollow, without substance.

 

I started writing this over a year ago, but didn’t have the courage to finish it until today. I started writing it after Tim Ferriss wrote about his struggle and how he’s hidden it for a long time. I get it. I totally, completely get it.

Jennifer Aniston just spoke about her insecurities, the same ones we all deal with. Again, I get it, on a level I wish I didn’t, I get it. And I have a whole new respect and deep appreciation for Jennifer Aniston as a human being.

The Bloggess often writes about her battles. By her admission and openness, she comforts me and the entire interwebs. We know we aren’t really, even though we feel utterly, completely alone. I hope to be like her someday: brave, vulnerable, and to let someone else know they aren’t alone.

I identified with all of what they said, and applaud their bravery and honesty, their vulnerability. They have inspired me to admit my own struggles. But, wait! There’s more…

Indecent Proposals, part two

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If you haven’t already, read part one of Indecent Proposals here, or none of this post will make sense. All caught up? Ok, good.

Mouse having sex with a mouse.

This is like internet dating, but better.

He replied saying he was busy traveling for a few weeks. Then no other communication for two weeks, until I get the email below (in green). Apparently, he’d not been traveling as he said in his previous email. When reading his next email, with his thinly-veiled indecent proposal, keep in mind we have had one phone conversation and we have not met.

Dear Blond Lemming,

Good morning. I hope that you had a fabulous holiday weekend.

Are you making the move to (town to get away from the ex Speck) this week?

I’ve been catching up with friends and trying to get my back yard ready for a 3 week trip. I’m planning to leave this weekend, hopefully Saturday, to go to a conference in OH and then spend 2 weeks in MI. Then I’ll drive up through the Upper Peninsula and back down through WI. Should be a lovely time for a trip. I’m busy lining up appointments and visits now.

Sorry we haven’t met yet. We’ll have time to talk in the car if you want to ride along;-) I’m taking my friend’s kayak and am especially looking forward to the shores and inlets of Lake Superior. I’ll be passing through a lot of areas where wealthy Chicagoans have their summer homes. They might be good regions for your sales? Ready for an adventure?

Or a cup of coffee, of course;-)

With wanderlust,
Greenie

WTF? I’m thinking the “wander” portion of his signature was a typo on his part. And he wasn’t paying a bit of attention during our call if he thinks I sell door-to-door products, or anything, to homeowners.

Hi Greenie, But, wait! There’s more…

Indecent Proposals – They’re crawling out of the woodwork

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

As I hinted in this previous post (<— read that link or the rest of this post won’t make sense), I have some funny (or not) indecent proposals to share with you all, followed by a hopeful solution to my heretofore screwy dating life: Professional Dating Advice. Oh my, I learned so much! The indecency week be in two posts.

First, about the indecent proposals I’ve received.

Was it something I said?

Do I give off a scent?

The better question is, “Why do I bother dating at all?”

After learning the last man I dated, referred to as Speck, was less than honest or faithful, I moved on. I’m not much for meeting men in bars, and I don’t come across many other options, so I opt for internet dating. *heavy sigh* Many of my long time readers will recall my escapades with Match.com, etc. (Single women, I offer you a warning: The aforementioned ex is on Match and has been active there for years. Yes, while we were dating. No, that is not where I met him. Yes, he is seeing someone else and she may not know about his profile. For all I know, he has several.)

Here’s what’s also on Match and E-harmony…

Indecent Proposal #1: “Rich Guy” I had a great date over the holiday weekend with a guy from E-Harmony. He’s good looking, extremely successful, owns a major US business, and several homes. One of those happens to be a sweet on-the-beach condo in Bethany Beach, Delaware. I’ll call him Rich Guy.

Concert in downtown Bethany Beach, DE.

Concert in downtown Bethany Beach, DE.

After making it through E-Harmony’s intense vetting process, we emailed, and then talked on the phone. He was heading down to the condo for a couple days of rest and relaxation. Rich Guy invited me to join him.

???

Now, here I was, nothing planned for the holiday weekend, except sitting in the RV park and seeing Speck around the park, a fresh reminder of my shame.

My dilemma: Do nothing at home and see Speck around the park, or go meet a virtual stranger from the internet at his beach house for the evening? What’s a gal (blond lemming) to do? But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: Gnome Homes

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

(Note: I’m testing a new emailing system. I apologize if you get two versions of this. I also apologize if one of them looks like crap. Don’t unsubscribe – it won’t be like that for long. 🙂 OK, some of you have received the crappy one – a pretty picture, but no post. I’m pretty sure I’ve fixed it now so I will be removing the old list soon. If you didn’t get the pretty picture without text, but you know you are a subscriber – Please let me know! I don’t want to delete the old list if it’s not duplicated.)

There is a phenomenon in Pennsylvania: Gnome Homes and Gardens.

Most RV parks in Pennsylvania are closed for the winter, November through April. May through October is known as “the season”. Much like the RVing snowbirds who flock to the southern states for the winter, northeast locals flock to a nearby RV park for the season. The difference between them and the winter snowbirds is that most of them have a stick-and-brick within several hours’ drive. Many only come out to their RV on the weekends during the season.

They keep their RV in one of the few RV parks over the winter, often paying the monthly rate but never going to visit it. The RV is usually covered and shuttered for the winter.

But come mid-April or May, everyone flocks to their RV. They unwrap the RVs, gazebos go up, TVs come outside, fountains go on, flowers are planted, and gnomes invade the park.

Yes, I said gnomes.

Godzilla eats the gnomes.

Along with the gnomes, goes every possible item one could put in a yard. Most of these yards have a variety of lights to rival Christmas. In fact, the decorating style is “everything but the kitchen sink, with gnomes”…. But, wait! There’s more…

Tales From the RV Park: This one’s not funny

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

Author’s Note: The first part of this post is not funny, at all. In fact, it’s still quite sad for me. But then it gets a bit funny (in a bizarre, dating-sucks way) when I went to Bethany Beach in Delaware, and then it gets hopeful. I have some hilarious (or not) dating escapades to tell you all in the following posts, and a hopeful solution to my screwy dating life. But before I get to that, I have a confession of sorts to make…

It's a shame you can't buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s a shame you can’t buy common sense like you can buy deodorant.

It’s not really a confession so much as connecting some dots for you all, dots that I haven’t connected for you before. Actually it was one dot. The connection is this One Dot and I dated on and off for the last three and a half years. I’ve written about him a few times, although rather subtly in most cases. He is the one person I wrote about whom (I believe) I never gave a secret name, until now. While a few of you know who he is, and others can connect the dots, I won’t use his name. Instead, I will refer to him as Speck. Because, he’s not even a dot now, he’s just a speck. (This will make more sense when you read what happened.)

Speck transferred for work from Cow-Chicken-Oil Town, Texas, to Pennsylvania Rainforest/Dutch Country about a year and a half ago. At the time, his transferring many states away was the best thing that happened to me, him not being in my life my more.

But, I’m blond, none too bright, and have the tendencies of a lemming. Oooh, look at that perfectly good cliff – I think I’ll throw myself off it for funzies! But, wait! There’s more…

He claims he swapped legs with a jaybird and got cheated out of a butt.

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I went to the Pennsylvania Cabela’s.

In case you’ve never been, I’ll describe the Cabela’s experience: It’s like going to a zoo, but all of the animals are dead.

Wait, what?

Pennsylvania Cabela's

Pennsylvania Cabela’s

Before I go on, I should explain the title since, unlike my usual title/post combinations, this one isn’t self-explanatory or related to the topic of this post. I merely needed a catchy title so here’s the connection: I went to Cabela’s with a friend who claims he doesn’t have a butt. While I disagree and think he has a cute butt, I chose the title in deference to his claim, and because I enjoy teasing him. Unfortunately, he rarely reads this blog so he’ll probably never know.

It seems almost all men claim they have no butt. And, if I may speak for my gender, we pretty much think most men’s butts are cute. In general, you like ours, we like yours, and neither gender would look as good with the other’s butt. 

But I digress, and probably need a dose of meds, so I’ll move along now…

About Cabela’s in Hamburg, Pennsylvania

Cabela’s comprehensive display of dead things isn’t as gruesome as you might (naturally) think. It looks just like the zoo – all the animals are in “pens” decorated like their natural habitat. Other than the pens being inside a building, and the lack of a “poo” smell, there is no difference between Cabela’s and a real zoo.

Except that everything is dead. The animals But, wait! There’s more…