The is a guest post from the cat Pye Zen Master Pye. Pye seemed in need of a hobby. She’s been going out late, staying out all night, coming home smelling like bonfire smoke and bad boy kitties. (Last part iz not true, they iz not bad kitties. -ZMP)

The opinions expressed by the cat Pye Zen Master Pye are not necessarily those of this blog. The strikethrough text was not there when I agreed to let Pye write this post.

Zen Master Pye demonstrating the Art of Zen.

Oh hai! This is Pye, the cat who will not read maps. You may call me Zen Master Pye. My hooman thinks I cannot read maps. Silly hooman is wrong. Again. I can read maps, I merely choose not to. It is not the way of Zen to read maps for hoomans.

How is it that I am Zen Master, you ask? Silly hoomans, as I suspected you have much to learn. It is good we Zen Masters love you hoomans so much. I am cat, therefore I am Zen Master. I, Zen Master Pye, am expert in the art of Being in the NOW. You are fortunate to know me. I will help you to learn the Zen.

After witnessing my own hooman’s inconsistent expression of gratitude and appreciation of late, I’ve decided to impart my wisdom by bringing you hoomans lessons in Zen Mastery. You hoomans are in much need of this teaching and have much to learn, so I have decided it is my life’s mission to educate you. Yes, I know this is a monumental task, one that some among my peers say is impossible. However I, the great Zen Master Pye, believe you are worthy and see a glimmer of hope for you unfocused, multi-tasking, smartphone-obsessed hoomans.

You are most fortunate to live on a planet with so many Zen Masters. If you live with a cat, know you are the exalted Caretaker of a Zen Master. But do not let this expand your ego. If you are not the Caretaker of a Zen Master, that is OK. Perhaps, with the help of my teachings, you will be so in your next life. But you must pay attention and study very hard, hooman. Put away the cell phone, turn off the TV. Recognize the greatness of the Zen Masters of the world.

You would do well to accept this as quickly as your monkey mind can let go of the past and stop obsessing about the future. Begin by breathing deeply and repeat to yourself your new mantra until you grasp the concept: “My cat is a Zen Master. I will be the silent witness and observe the furry greatness before me.” With this in mind go observe your cat or another cat for one hour. Do it now. I wait. I have the patience of Zen.

The lessons also work if you have food fish in the dreaded box of water. Why you keep live food you refuse to eat or let the Zen Master eat is beyond even my highest knowledge. Observe the food fish. You may have noticed Zen Masters doing this. Observe the food fish for one hour. Do it now. I wait. I have the patience of Zen.

If you are not caretaker of a living being, you have much to learn. Do not be so selfish with your loves and care-taking, hooman. Go observe a flower for one hour. Do it now. I wait. But know that you already try my patience with your selfishness.

Observe life around you. Be humble. Be grateful. Be. 

Lesson One – Gratitude for Hairballs

Your first lesson is to be grateful. We will begin with hairballs. Do not make that face at the mention of hairballs. *sigh*

You work to give us Zen Masters food, shelter, grooming, play time, more food. You clean our litter box. You clean up the hairballs we leave as a test of your devotion. It is at these times we Zen Matters are presenting you with the highest of lessons: Gratitude. Appreciate your high station in life: Caretaker of a Zen Master. This is the highest station any hooman can expect to reach in their lifetime. Be grateful this high station comes with hairballs.

If you are not yet ready to be grateful for hairballs, see the connections: be grateful for the attention of the wise creature who left it to help you learn, for the kibbles you were able to purchase before they was barfed up with the hairballs, for your physical ability to clean up the hairballs, and even for your ability to smell hairballs as well as to smell roses.

Today’s message: Be grateful for the hairballs in your life. Be grateful for the ability to smell roses. Be grateful for all things in-between. All things. Express gratitude for that which you like as equally as for that which you do not like. In Zen there is no good or bad. Hairballs and roses are equal. Be humble. Be grateful. Be.

Upcoming lessons in Zen Mastery by Zen Master Pye: Sharing the bed. Feeding us on time. Sitting on your lap. Shutting the bathroom door.