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A Big Lump On My Butt Cheek

Kernut the Blond Posted on by


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Butt map

Sing it with me: ‘We are the world…’

(I just thought of the interesting search results the title might produce. Eeeew. By the way – do NOT Google images for that phrase.)

A big lump on my butt cheek.

A bump on my rump.

A pain in the ass. P.I.T.A. for short.

You might be thinking: ‘Is she having kinky sex again? Did things get a bit wild?’

Sadly, no.

And it’s not painful, anymore.

I was once an unruly teenager who did things like sneak out of the house in the middle of the night. On one such occasion, while sneaking out on a dark, rainy night – in flip-flops because I’m super smart like that – I slipped on the wet CONCRETE stairs. My right foot went out from under me and the sharp edge of the CONCRETE step met the soft top of my butt cheek. The pain was excruciating. I crawled to the garage to get out of the rain, because I couldn’t walk.

That evening’s mission to sneak out ended there….

Almost 30 years ago.

To this day I have a lump, sort of egg-shaped, on the top side of my butt cheek. It really messes up the line of a slinky dress. If you know what to look for (and now all my friends who read this do) you can see this egg-shaped lump on top of my butt cheek.

Considering how long ago it was and how short my memory is, I should have completely forgotten about it many years ago. Why do I remember? Because it shows EVERY TIME I put on a slinky, form-fitting dress. Like the other day. Awesome. But not really.

If anyone’s noticed, they don’t mention it. Probably because, really how do you say to someone “Um, so what’s with that odd lump on your rump? It kind of messing up the look of your dress.”

So sexy, I know.

Comments

A Big Lump On My Butt Cheek — 11 Comments

    • The egg would like that 😉
      The picture does kind of make me want to look and then immediately look away. I keep trying to figure out if it’s computer graphics, or a decal. Either way, it’s a nice butt.

  2. omg, i had a similarly traumatizing experience. i was zipping down a flight of stairs at my grandma’s and there were all of these glasses to be put away on the lower stairs. yes, i went tumbling down taking the glasses with me and landed in a pile of broken glass. i only had a nightgown on, so i ended up with GLASS IN MY ASS!

    had to be rushed to the hospital with my bleeding ass up in the back seat. the scar isn’t pretty.

    • OMG! That could have been much worse! You’re very lucky it was only your ass that ended up with glass. The thought sends chills down my spine and reminds me of the horrible story Holly/Midwestern Mama told about scalding hot chocolate.

      But do you have a picture of the scar? You wanna share? 😉

  6. well now does that mean i can longer gaze at your butt. LOLOLOL oh well there’s always the moon 🙂

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