↓
 

Relationship Rules: I’m The Special Needs Person In A Relationship

Kernut the Blond Posted on by

That’s the rule. There is only room for one special needs person in a relationship. In case you haven’t been here long, I’m it.

Mouse having sex with a mouse.

Uhh, I sure hope my matches are better than this. Now I’m scared. What was I thinking? Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, to find a pigeon. Crap.

For all the self-help books I’ve read, group quasi-therapy, and blogging, apparently it’s still me.

I’m considering joining Match.com again and thought I should probably add to my dating profile a statement that aptly describes me. I suspect I might have tendencies towards childishness, emotional sensitivity, or grandiose behavior.

Well, DUH. I blog, don’t I?

I think that alone proves I’m probably emotionally sensitive.

Or could blogging make one emotionally sensitive?

Chicken. Egg. Don’t much care which came first.

So then, what does all this mean? It means I’m the special needs person in a relationship.

Also, this precludes attendance by anyone fitting the following descriptions. Do not reply to my ad if you can be described as:

  • The emotionally unavailable: Serial daters, those looking for a quick hookup, men half my age. Enough said.
  • Those trying to reclaim their misspent youth with a motorcycle. I do love a good Harley, but seriously? We’re not a match; I want to live. On second thought, Harleys are awfully hot. I might make an exception. Again. Crap.
  • Sex addicts. Why are they so attracted to me? I seem to attract them like bees to honey. Do I give off a scent??? Some sort of ~sex addicts apply here~ smell? I’ve got to change my soap.
  • You still live with your mother. *sigh* Last time I tried online dating I got so many inquiries from men who live with their mother. Oh, they always had an excuse like ‘she’s ill and needs my help’, but in all honesty the poor woman still did all their cooking and cleaning.

My dear Kernutties, I need your help with my personal ad. It’s almost finished but I need a good opening line. I considered the title of this post for my opening line, but thought better of it. A reader suggested on my Facebook page I use “I’ll try anything once… even you”. Hella funny! But it sounds a tad suggestive and desperate. I already have enough men hitting on me who just want to hook up, and that’s not what I’m looking for. Heck, as I told a friend the other day if I was just looking for a hookup all I’d have to do is go down to the local bar for five minutes. That’s how easy it is for women.

I’ve found a couple profiles I’d like to wink at, but I need to finish mine first. Should I go with “Love is a process, not an event” or “I’m here because I’m not all there”? Or do you have another suggestion?

Also, I’m stuck on pictures. Should I post all my pictures: Down-to-earth regular and dressed up sexy? Or just regular, down to earth pictures. I look the best in the dressed up one, but I’ve gotten the impression men consider sexy photos – even when dressed up in a classy evening dress – an invitation for sex. Am I wrong? I need to hear from the men on this one, too.

Ok my dears, please give me your best opening line and photo advice in the comments! I want to finish my ad, but need your help.

UPDATED: My Match.com misadventures start here in I joined Match.com. Again. I blame the cold medicine.*sigh*

 

Comments

Relationship Rules: I’m The Special Needs Person In A Relationship — 28 Comments

  1. I suck ass at dating so I am the last person on earth you should ask for advice from.

    Hell you would have better luck asking for driving tips from Stevie Wonder. No really I am serious.

  2. I’m a Match.com veteran. I say go with the normal picture. I never wanted to see prospective dates all dolled up for a formal, because how often do those occasions actually come up? I figure, I’d rather see what they look like on a normal day. (and no, I don’t mean in sweats with hair pulled back.) Just a regular DTE pic.

    As for help with your text, I recommend perusing other women’s ads, to see what kind of ads are out there. At minimum, it should show you what NOT to do.

    Lastly, you probably have the sex addicts and pervs coming after you because, well, you’re smokin’ hot. Guys like to dream big!

    • Oops, I put the hiking pic first. Ok, I’ll change the line-up, and check the competition’s ads for info.
      LOL Thank you 🙂 Maybe you’re right, and it’s not anything I’m doing.

  3. I’d definitely put the down to earth and sexy dressed up pics. it shows you can carry off all kinds of looks and can be ready and fit in for any occasion. it doesn’t say high or low maintenance.

    for the opening line, how about: “Abstract, but never complicated.”

    • I did include the sexy dressed up pic because I like to do that, too. I want someone who can dress up and go out on the town now and then. I put the hiking one first, but bluzdude suggests using the normal (I’m in jeans and a light jacket) pic.

      I like the opening line! Does it sound too intellectual? Wait – I’m probably rather complicated, but am I ‘abstract’? Huh. 😉

        • No, no, I didn’t take it as bad! 🙂 I was just laughing at myself. It made me think… I see myself as complicated, but didn’t see ‘abstract’ and then I had to wonder how others see me. “Abstract” sounds deep. I just don’t feel deep, so I was kind of laughing about it.

  4. Uh….did I miss something, like the actual profile (ad) you posted? I was under the impression you were still constructing it and wanted help/feedback. I am the QUEEN of match.com excellent profiles. I know because all the great, intelligent, fun and funny, hot guys tell me so. And the others write things like, “I seen your pic. You hot.” And their main pic is about 8 am in the morning, in front of a trailer, holding a beer, no shirt on, a beer belly the size of Ikea, unshaven, and a grin that reveals rotted out teeth. Oh yea!

    • For now I’m just looking for help with the opening line. I’m not sure anyone else could write my profile for me, not even my sister who knows me pretty well. I thought you guys would be able to come up with a great opening/headline. One reader voted against the “Love is a process,…” and another voted against the “I’m here because…”. No votes for either so far. *sigh* If we’re having this much trouble with a headline, I can only imagine the interesting profile y’all might come up with! LOL

      Oh yes, I get the young 20-somethings writing lines like that to me! I get a lot saying “Yo mama you hot! Wanna hookup?” Gee, how could I possibly refuse such an eloquent request?

  5. Well your a beautiful woman. If I dint have a ton of flaws… But your opening line should be: “Something special…Something better” That neither implies your are or your looking for…But for the folks that are worn out on idiots, MPD cases, and just plain icky people….that thought and feeling makes sense and will grab them.

    • You’re a sweetheart. I still think you and Kristin would hit it off. She’s got her place up for sale and is planning to return to Cali.

      You don’t think it sounds a trifle conceited? Calling myself “special” and “better” seems a bit so to me. If I read that title on a man’s profile, I might still read the rest of it, but with a jaundiced eye.

      • But you are Something Special and something better. You really have no clue as to the quality of the women out there. Trust me, its pretty bad. I didnt bring up MPD because it just came to mind lol. Remember, your selling yourself. Do you want to sell: I like to do yada yada like every other ad or do you want the guys worthy of the chase to know right up front? You have a lot going for you. Much more than most women out there. So let them know you have self esteem and your valuable. Remember that is only an open ended statement. doesnt say you are, or you are looking for. They draw a conclusion. If the guy thinks he is…bingo. Dont fall into the trap. your not going to be reading it. They will and after scanning hundreds of ads…they are looking for something special..something different.

  6. I used to kind of avoid profiles with the word love in the subject line. It seemed kind of greeting card-ish. Go with something that would attract you – for me that meant something lighthearted but not overly jokey – but nothing to specific. A person kind of disqualifies themself if there’s something specific they aren’t interested in right in the title, just as an automatic reaction, when it probably isn’t a deal breaker at all. Hope you meet some great people!

    • No “love”? Really? I guess that title does sound greeting cardish… I stole it from a movie I recently watched.

      PattyPunker had a good one, but I just don’t feel that deep. I like the humor in the “I’m here because…” but no one else seems to. Crap, I would suck at writing greeting cards. I’m going to Google one-liners soon. I can’t think of these on my own.

  7. I can’t help — I tried eHarmony and all it ever matched me up with were collegeboys young enough to be my (adopted) sons! And that was after a 4-hour survey in which it said very hurtful things about my personality…

    • I tried eHarmony once for about 5 minutes and got the worst matches. I quite ASAP. Ah yes, that damn survey. It took me about two hours, two hours of my life I’ll never get back – and they lost it!!

  9. How about “I will let you be all that you can be!”

    Bad line? Sorry… I vote for putting up BOTH kinds of pictures. Do you have one where you are fixing a car? In overalls! Not DaisyDukes ’cause for sure that WILL definitely attract the wrong kind of guys.

    I am very bad at these things. I just want to wish you luck!

    • Thanks Doll! I need all the luck I can get.

      I chose the much hated “Love is a process,…” but added my second choice, “I’m here because…” in the body of the text with a dash of humor. So far the emails are rolling in much faster than I can read them. Some look promising.

      One guy who I find most appealing – he with a dreaded Harley that I can’t seem to stay away from – has yet to contact me. I don’t know if I should contact him or not. I don’t do this dating thing well, either.

  10. Well if I were only about thirty-five years younger and single you wouldn’t have to be worrying about dating. Unfortunately all I can do is wish you well.

    It is a reflection on the awful slide of the Republic that there are not eligible bachelors lined up around the block outside your house with the odd fistfight over places in line, just to offer you gifts.

  11. Here via Absence of Alternatives.

    I wish I knew I’ve done match and eHarmony and no matter what I put, I still get guys looking for a quick hook-up, guys with serious issues, guys with an 8th grade education and then a few interesting guys. I try to stay away from anything negative although I did get fed up once and said I wouldn’t respond to profiles without photos. I also have both down-to-earth and dressy photos. Because I would like to go out somewhere nice once in a while. I’ll be back, because I just have to see how this all plays out! 🙂

    • Welcome to my little corner of the interwebs! I love AoA! 🙂

      I’m curious to see how it plays out, too. It’s kind of a day to day thing. Very weird responses, or nice guys. Great date who then gets really flaky/weird.

  12. Pingback:Adventures In Online Dating Part One - Kernut The Blond

↑