How Not To MySpace (or Facebook)

Dating Advice for Social Media from my MySpace blog in 2007 (a time when I was much more jaded than now – if that’s possible). While originally about MySpace, much of this also applies to Facebook.

MySpace made me über jaded about dating. It’s all MySpace’s fault for letting those horny 20-somethings send me the most ludicrous requests for a date (read: hookup). It’s really hard to take men seriously after receiving requests like those below.

But I’m all better now.  heh. *twitch*

How Not To MySpace, Part 2

Acknowledgment: “Part 1” was written by my friend Steve. His gave me the idea for the following article. His article, How Not To MySpace should be read. And followed. Verbatim.

Making Friends – and keeping them:

Friend Requests

Strangers often wonder why, or even become offended, when I won’t add them as a friend on MySpace or Facebook. With the abundance of spam on these services, I can’t understand why they aren’t as cautious. I could be a spamming psycho! Ok, well, I might be a spammer, too!

I’ve had plenty of issues on these sites, and don’t want to subject my friends to the same. There are the spammers, the stalkers, and then there’s the issue of bulletins.

(Update: I almost never log in to MySpace anymore. No, I probably still won’t add you. But you can follow me on Twitter @Kernut. I need followers. But not stalkers.)

Bulletins

Do you send a bunch of those useless bulletins that include such *enlightening* topics as “Discover your personality type by you favorite color”, or “Find your sexual ability based on your favorite (f-ing) Fruit Loop flavor”. Seriously people, don’t you think we get enough of this junk in our regular email inboxes? If we were all still 20 this might be momentarily interesting to our dope-addled minds, but now it’s just repetitive, and mind-numbingly dull. Realize you are bumping out useful bulletins that someone might actually want to read. If you feel you MUST post it, be considerate and do it as a blog so it won’t be cluttering up everyone’s bulletin board.

This brings up a question for Tom of MySpace: To compliment the “Friend’s List” shouldn’t there be an “Enemies List”? Or better yet, a “Stalkers List”? I know a few I could add to that one. But I digress.

“Hookups” and Your Quest to Get Laid

First and foremost: Did you actually READ my profile before you wrote to me? The majority of the crap in my inbox would suggest you did not. (Of course, then you wouldn’t be reading this either. *big sigh*) If you are 20-something and wrote “yo mamma, you are HOT! whacha doin tonite? wanna hookup?” you did NOT read my profile. If you had, you would have seen either of the TWO places where I address just such topics and answer your question. Word to the not-so-wise: Before you contact that “HOT mamma” learn to read, even if you can’t learn to write.

Which brings me to: Corresponding

Texting or IM-ing language (this would be the multitude of short-cut language such as “L8r”, brb, ttyl, LOL, wanna, yo, etc) should be kept to a minimum in emails. It makes you appear illiterate (this means *unable to read and write* at a basic grammar school level – see above reference to the 20-something’s quest). This also suggests you did not read where I mention *communication* being very high on my list of important qualities.

Harems

Having a “harem” of hot chicks as your so called “friends” shows a complete lack of taste and class. (They are ‘so called’ friends because we now know you are too much of a loser to actually know any of them.) A harem will guarantee I will not add you.

So don’t ask.

Ah, but even now you wonder why a woman wouldn’t want to be added to your little Bevy of Beauties.

Of course you would wonder. You probably have a very large pickup truck with a lift-kit and extra chrome, too, don’t you?